Taking to T today about how I know I can be truthfully blunt. I don't see much point in being any other way.
I said "I made a, pack with myself in childhood to always speak my truth!"

T said "I think you had to because your mother always told you what you were feeling or thinking was wrong. So the only way you could hold on to yourself was to tell your truth. Thsts the only way you could know for sure what you felt/thought"

This was one of them 'yes!' moments. I said "yes, I think Thats it exactly"

I wondered where my compulsive drive to say exactly what I'm thinking and feeling came from.

[unaluna]

Oh thats interesting. I was just saying on the couch how i told a guy on the elevator "you cant smoke in here" and boy he took it badly, but i also sounded more strident out loud than i did in my head, which i often - some would say always - do. But i thought that was the mother's voice / attitude, if not her words. My t was often taken aback (i should say hurt or stung) by my abruptness, which is what taught me kindness.

Originally Posted by unaluna

Oh thats interesting. I was just saying on the couch how i told a guy on the elevator "you cant smoke in here" and boy he took it badly, but i also sounded more strident out loud than i did in my head, which i often - some would say always - do. But i thought that was the mother's voice / attitude, if not her words. My t was often taken aback (i should say hurt or stung) by my abruptness, which is what taught me kindness.

My T's, never taken aback. I love that I can be blunt as skunk and she receives it and engages with it.
I save kindness for when I feel like it. If I don't then I don't.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Jessica11

My T's, never taken aback. I love that I can be blunt as skunk and she receives it and engages with it.
I save kindness for when I feel like it. If I don't then I don't.

I hear you. My lack was / is a true deficiency. An empty bucket. Not being aware of how i sounded AND not wanting to be understood in that manner. So he gave me feedback not available elsewhere or otherwise, and helped me to strengthen true self.

I also got the message when I was a child that what I felt and thought was wrong, and I have therefore suppressed my feelings and thoughts, saying them is my aim in therapy (it's a slow work in progress). It's interesting how different children adopt different strategies.

I think that smoking in a lift is appalling behaviour. Good for you UnaLuna for speaking up about it, and shame on him that he didn't sheepishly appogise for impacting your health.

Originally Posted by unaluna

I hear you. My lack was / is a true deficiency. An empty bucket. Not being aware of how i sounded AND not wanting to be understood in that manner. So he gave me feedback not available elsewhere or otherwise, and helped me to strengthen true self.

Mmmmm. Not sure I'd want feedback. I'm not looking for T to 'correct' me. I just like looking at it.
Thsts what's so refreshing about T.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Wild at heart

I also got the message when I was a child that what I felt and thought was wrong, and I have therefore suppressed my feelings and thoughts, saying them is my aim in therapy (it's a slow work in progress). It's interesting how different children adopt different strategies.

I think that smoking in a lift is appalling behaviour. Good for you UnaLuna for speaking up about it, and shame on him that he didn't sheepishly appogise for impacting your health.

It was illegal to smoke in lifts before smoking became illegal everyplace else. So it was just weird! Thanks.

Yeah. I don't see telling someone not to smoke as brutal honesty. Adding "you must be a right c&&t to do that" might be. 😂😂