Anxiety session

My session yesterday was a big anxiety dump. Do you ever do that? It didn't make me feel better at all. (Should it have?)All this anxiety about X, Y, and Z just came pouring out. A lot of financial stuff related to the divorce. And I am having personal problems getting along with one of our team members. Sigh. And it is really important I get along with this guy and communicate well with him! This is a source of a lot of anxiety on top of the regular anxiety about the divorce and my husband. I feel bad for not managing my anxiety better and having it overflow like that in session. I feel incompetent. I feel like the last few weeks we've been having to deal with all of this family stuff in therapy, and sure that is important, and sometimes you have to follow a linear track to get things done. And we did. It was worthwhile and very valuable. But all this other stuff has just been building up and needed some outlet. I feel embarrassed by dumping all that in session. There were echoes of paranoia there. I needed T's reassurance on a certain point, and instead his answer worried me. It was kind of wishy washy and not what I had hoped to hear. But he has a lot of expertise on this, and I wonder is he just not giving me the straight answer because he knows it is not what I am hoping to hear and he is worried he will upset me? I would rather have certainty even if it is not what I want to hear. I need to know how things are.

I am feeling really down today. And my daughter seems depressed. I don't know how to help her. I take her to school in the morning and she doesn't even go to class. She hangs out in the halls or hides in the bathroom and then comes home at the end of the day. Maybe she will go to 1 or 2 classes but she just skips the ones she doesn't want to go to. How can I get her to go to class? I need to be strong and not be anxious and paranoid and down. My kids need me. I'm not handling all these responsibilities well at all.

I guess this post is just more dumping. Thanks for letting it be here.

((((((Sunny))))))

I'm right there with you...anxious-wise anyway.

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needed T's reassurance on a certain point, and instead his answer worried me. It was kind of wishy washy and not what I had hoped to hear. But he has a lot of expertise on this, and I wonder is he just not giving me the straight answer because he knows it is not what I am hoping to hear and he is worried he will upset me?

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Omg, I had almost this same experience. I asked T a questions and told him he could leave me a message in return and his message was crappy. Not what I needed. I hate it when that happens.

Do you think it's possible that T felt your anxiety along with you and that was why he didn't want to upset you? Maybe he felt you had enough for one day? Can you call and tell him what you need from him?

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How can I get her to go to class?

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Awww poor daughter too ((hugs)). How about the two of you go out to dinner (neutral ground). Then, ask her for her "progress report" of how's she's doing in all her classes. Pick the most important ones that she can't make up next semester or next year and draw up a contract between the two of you. Establish some kind of reward? For going/passing/getting good gades? Whatever the two of you agree on together.

If she needs to lighten her work-load, see if she can drop one or two classes and make them up later.

I bet she's mirroring your anxiety. Yikes my middle son does that all the time. We are like two peas in a pod. He can tell by my voice as soon as I answer the phone, if I am anxious.

Sunny, bet of luck. We are here for you. Take gentle care.

Anxiety dumps sometimes help me because they at least get all that stuff out of my head? That's why I write sometimes, to just get it all out of my head. Then I start getting an idea or two for one or another problem and once I start working on my ideas that makes me feel a bit better.

Have you asked your daughter why she doesn't go to certain classes? She might be having troubles in those classes like you're having in certain areas of your life and just doesn't know how to deal with it. I remember when I was taking geometry and I was out sick a day and got behind. Well, the teacher had a mean, progressive homework plan where you got 1 point off the first assignment you didn't do, 2 points off the next, 4 points off the 3rd, then 8 the fourth, etc. I was seriously lost so I couldn't do my homework. . . very demoralizing for even trying. She could be having some troubles like that, somebody said something to her in a class and she didn't/wasn't able to face it at the time and now it's just getting worse. Don't know what could be done, a tutor? My parents were asked to get me a French tutor and that turned out to be very helpful because it was an older, popular but very nice girl who made me feel good as well as helping me get my grades up. Was a good support.

Thanks, sister and Perna. Good suggestions about my daughter. She's having a hard time.

Anxiety continued today. I broke down during a call to my brokerage firm.

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Do you think it's possible that T felt your anxiety along with you and that was why he didn't want to upset you? Maybe he felt you had enough for one day? Can you call and tell him what you need from him?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Sister, yes, he definitely felt my anxiety! It was a mile deep--hard to miss! I was thinking he was hesitant to tell me the truth and upset me more because he sensed it was not the answer I was hoping for. I definitely don't want him to tell me something that is not true. I guess I do need the truth, even if I don't like it. Also, maybe he felt the answer I was seeking was bordering on legal advice and he didn't want to give that. So maybe I am asking my question of the wrong professional.

We left off our session that next time we would continue with some deep and painful stuff. I told him he needed context, and he agreed he wanted it. My past all comes out. Just when you think you've told your T everything.... Yesterday in session my anxiety was flowing out, and it was like I was circling the topic we needed to discuss but only in an "outer world" way, as I shared with T my eruptions of anxiety. Now we need to go deep together, and I need to show him the roots of the anxiety, dating back many years, so he can help and support me. I get feelings of doom when I know a session like this is coming up. But they usually turn out all right.

(((((((((((sunny)))))))))))))) I think I can feel your anxiety from here! I recognize the feeling cause I carry it around w/me like a handbag. Wish I could help. Simplistic as it sounds, the ONLY thing that helps me besides meds is deep breathing. 10x, slow, steady with eyes closed.

I think the day spent together w/your daughter, just the two of you, is an excellent plan. I have 2 daughters. Ages 18 & 21. I have done this exact thing several times w/each and it has always been a good thing. I call it a "girls day out". We pick a movie we both want to see, then we eat a nice meal and "chat". After that, we aimlessly shop and giggle a little.
It can't hurt. Amazing how much info you can glean from these casual, unstructured days together.

Also, depending on what the school problem is, the tutor sounds like a good plan. Somebody she likes who comes to your home and quietly helps her. Less pressure than going someplace.

tulips