A Question About Hugs

I don’t feel any desire to hug my current T, but I am curious- when you first hugged your T, did you ask for it or did they offer it?

The first time, she offered. Now it's become a regular thing, something I'm ashamed that I barely even notice.

I don't feel any desire either with my t - I don't think I've ever even touched her e.g. to shake hands. I can't see her offering either!

Dont think I'd be brave enough to ask if did want one though.

he offered it

I emailed my T saying how I wish I could be physically close to him. That I have such a longing for that to happen. Next session we had a long hug and we do it ever since. It's so much easier to ask things in email rather than in person.

I had a situation with my previous therapist where I asked for a hug and he refused. It felt like the end of the world.

My current T knew about this, and one day, about 18 months or so in, he said he had thought about what he would do if I asked him for a hug, and he would say yes. We didn't do it right away, but knowing it was on the table made it easier to ask.

My T keeps a 3 foot rule with all his patients, though now we have ( touchingly for me) moved closer on occasions ( once he let me shred something symbolic in his shredder lol and once we stood at the window together). There is absolutely no way he would hug a client. Before on PC we've speculated about my T- if he maybe crossed some line before(?) bc he is quite rigid about these kind of rules. I don't think so though- I think it is care to do no harm and confuse no boundaries. For me this works well, bc while hugs have been readily accessible in real life, the kind of safety and thought he puts into the environment is healing and unique.

I honestly don't remember. It wasn't like we had a discussion about it. It was just natural and mutual. I'm a hugger and so were they, so it was really very much a non-issue.

Both Ts have approached me. The first time was at the end of s painful session. She asked if she could give me a hug? I said yes. The next fee weeks she asked me st the end of every session. Then we just hugged without anybody asking.

Emdr T I think mind have confused me with another client because she said something about us having discussed it and offered me a hug. I agreed but it was weird because we hadn't discussed it. Then a few weeks later she offered me a hug I accepted and it was nice. That was about a month and we haven't again. At this point I am not sure I want it every week.

With this one not as much but I have had ones Ioved so I hugged them.

With my very first T, I had a series of conversations about touch (I wrote about one of them in this post if you want to read it). It worked out so that we only hugged when she offered, which wasn't ideal because there were times when I would have liked a hug but I didn't think she'd give me one if I asked but was better than nothing because at least sometimes she hugged me. (She was very kind and I don't believe she was intentionally being mean or withholding--it was complicated.)

None of my subsequent Ts have deigned to touch me, except when T3 hugged me to say goodbye. (She offered, which surprised me because she'd been so against touch the whole time we'd worked together, but I accepted.)

I'm in an online therapy so real hug is impossible. However I can't imagine I'd require it. I don't like hugs in real life. Only after a year and a half, in our last chat before a long break. Things didn't look good, I was struggling at the time. So I said "hugs" and she said "hugs to you, too". I like the symbol of hugging but if I was with her in person I wouldn't want to touch her.

my current therapist doesn't hug, and she doesn't like shaking hands/ physical contact in general (she told me once it had something to do with it making the clients feel uneasy or something)

but previous therapists.. I've usually asked first, then as the weeks progressed they asked me- I remember one saying she was scared to ask in case I refused

With ex-T, it was a long time (like 4 years) before there was ever a hug. I think the first one she offered me was a "holiday hug" before Christmas, which I accepted. Maybe then she offered me one after a really tough session. A few times after, I requested one, but always felt awkward about it, but she always said yes.

Current T doesn't hug (he said this in the very beginning). He shook my hand after the first session. At the next session, at the end, I asked if he regularly shakes hands, or just after the first session. He said it's up to the client. I said I wanted to shake hands, so he holds out his hand to me at the end of each session (unless one of us is sick). I'm content with hand-shaking--it seems a nice compromise between no touch at all and hugs.

The first one, I asked for right before she moved out of state at the end of year 1. After she moved back and I started seeing her in person again one or the other of us would ask on occasion and then at some point along the way it just became a natural thing at the end of every session.

He asked and it became a regular thing every session after. I'm gonna miss them so much. They meant so much to me

He offered it. I would've never asked for it as I didn't think it was an option and I didn't think I wanted it. But now I like it after a tough session once in a while.

I never hugged with a therapist but, for me, I would not like it in any other way but a spontaneous act where it is clear that both parties would like and welcome it. For me, it is not something to discuss, ask for, or offer and I definitely would not want it on a schedule, like at the end of every session, for example. I also don't like when people ask for physical affection in a relationship/situation where it is not clear and obviously desired by both, it feels forced for me otherwise and loses the appeal. So, for me, a hug is a form of affection and not a treatment (like a massage) or a social convention (like a handshake) and I would only like it spontaneously.

I asked one time and she redirected to a handshake. It took us over a year to get to that first handshake. I've written significantly about wanting to be held/hugged and a the same time clearly stated that it would be bad for me to have such contact at this time as it would cause things to be confusing for me in terms of my transference. I've also continually stated that I hope at some point we could get there. I am used to hugging people bye after gatherings and such, so touch is not typically an issue for me. I hope that once we get through the bulk of my work and have managed to move to maintenance visits (the 1 x month or less often) we'll be at a stage where hugging at end of session is a normal and natural part of our interaction.

Also from my googling, I know my T is not touch adverse. However, I do not know if she's made it be a firm boundary in her practice. Only time will tell if we ever get there and if not, why.

My former T asked me if I wanted a hug a while into seeing her. It was when my Dad was first diagnosed with cancer. I declined. But later we ended up hugging on occasion. If I asked she never said no. Current T, I haven't had the desire to hug. Kit

No hugs and I am ok with that. I dont want a hug from her.

I wanted to for a while, and wrote about it a few times.. then oneday at the end of a session I think before a break I got panicky and asked and was shocked she agreed. We have a few times since then, and seeing as I'm not so good with physical touch I really do like the fact that I was safe enough to feel comfortable with it is.

My T first offered-after 3 years and when i was inpatient. Now she hugs me after every session, and i don’t hug back, lol.

Really interesting to see how many T's actually do give hugs. I always thought it was such a no-no. I do think hugs can be a good thing when used properly. I don't understand how it happens people after a few years though. I would have thought T's either give hugs or they don't i.e They may be the type of person who gives them or else they don't give them as they view them as unethical or a boundary crossing etc.. It surprises me that there is movement on it for so many of them but maybe that is very black and white thinking. I do like to hear that some T's might not give them at the start but after discussion and considering the client's needs etc they do. Shows that they are hearing people and reflecting and not just in the 'This is what I was trained to do' or 'This is what my supervisor told me so that's what I do' My T doesn't give hugs but it is not something we have really discussed. I just presume not. Hhmm I'm realising that I am jealous of you all who have T's who do hug.

even though it was 3ish years until my T offered a hug, i knew she gave them to clients if they asked. i just never wanted to ask.