Couch 185: The Labyrinth

If your dog regularly is jumping the fence, then you really need to solve that issue anyway before she gets loose and gets hit by a car or runs off. She should be staying in the yard at all times, regardless of whether or not it is mail delivery hours. That’s part of dog ownership. If the dog won’t stay in the yard on her own, then she should never be let outside without you in constant presence so that she doesn’t get loose.

Moving the mailbox to the street sounds like the easiest solution. It isn’t expensive to do, and will meet the requirements of the post office.

My son is a mail carrier, so I have a personal perspective about this. One of the biggest dangers for mail carriers is dog bites. My son keeps dog treats with him in case he encounters a loose dog, and so far that has worked but not all people are as comfortable with dogs as perhaps he is.

Your husband kind of ticks me off. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for this simple request.

I agree, and that's what I told him about mail carriers. And he went on and on about how it's part of the job and ours isnt the only dog getting out. Which the last part is true but ours is the biggest dog on the block. Everytime we leave the house, she jumps the fence even when she's tied up. I can start going out with her but the issue is more when we leave. I'm thinking of doing the mailbox and maybe crating her when we're not home.

ABV- alcohol blood volume?!
IPA .... huh?
Guinness from ireland though!

I know how that is... the short walks and vet visits etc. I don't talk about this much but when my dog got diagnosed with cancer, he probably, within a week, started his decline. Because of the nature of his cancer (he broke his leg and they found it), he couldn't go on normal walks anymore... so a woman I haven't seen since HS, bless her, loaned me her wagon.... and I was able to take him on walks that way. We went on short ones and he loved being able to look out but it was hard on me, knowing our "routine" walks would never happen again.

He had weekly appointments at the vet to change the cast. He hated being there and I hated taking him. In time, it got worse and I'd have to get up during the night often with him to take him out or to pick up his messes. It was an exhausting 6 months.... it's so so hard to watch them change and decline. I encourage you to try to take videos and photos as much as you can and if you want to do a bucket list type thing, I did that with him too... it's helpful. I always used to think it was "so cruel" to give dogs hamburgers etc at rescues when they were on the way to kill them, but when my boy was dying, his last day, I let him have whatever he wanted... I finally got it. It's very hard, it's draining and gonna be so tough when you do lose her but remember, all of this you are doing now for her, is because you love her.

I feel for you. I feel for her. I wish the best to both of you and hopefully you do get more time then you both expect.

*My dog died at 15.5 years old and after close to 6 whole months of being sick, in the end we found out he actually had TWO cancers at the same time... what a brave dude, he held on for me. I loved him so much for that *

Artie- Charlie and the chocolate factory is playing it made me think of you.

Oh sorry!
ABV is alcohol by volume. so the amount of alcohol in a beer. A light beer might be 4%, a typical lager or ale 5.5%

Wine is like 12-15% I think and, say, vodka or whiskey is like 40% maybe?

but serving sizes are different, of course

IPA is India pale ale, a hoppy, fairly bitter beer
and yep on Guinness :-) That's a stout and is actually only like 4%

they are going to take tigger and willow away

Oh, no, whisper...that's awful.

I'm confused on how she is jumping the fence if tied up? Can you make the lead be shorter than the distance to the fence? Obviously, I don't know your set up, so maybe that really isn't an option either. We use a cable for one of our dogs. We let our dogs outside only for a few minutes at a time if they are not on a walk. I believe in crating when not at home and at night. If you have the space, I'd go that route. I too agree that this is an issue beyond getting the mail.

Oh, another thought if you don't have the space for an indoor crate would be to use some type of wire/lattice and a gate to enclose a porch/patio (if you have one) and putting her out there when you are gone. Or a dog run that has a roof.

A lot does depend on your specific situation (finances and layout).

three says so so it must be true

Three is a liar. You are a very good cat parent. Willow and Tigger love you.

I was also wondering. Is it a case where she's breaking free of lead or collar? If so, might need a stronger one. Crating is probably the least expensive solution. Well, maybe putting a mailbox on street, but wouldn't that still be an issue if she jumps the fence? Because she could still get there? Or is it like she jumps the fence but is still on lead so can't get very far? If you need time to figure it all out, could you just get a PO box for a month or two?

Fuzzy - going to the opera WITH YOUR KID **IS** doing or being that family thing the h said. Tell him he cant play the family card, theres none to be played. Its just scheduling cards! And doofus cards, but dont say that one out loud...

She pulls out of her collar and gets loose that way when she's hooked up. We don't have a patio but I was thinking maybe something to make the front fence a little higher.. I'm not sure if that's possible with some chain or whatnot. We're going to go to Home Depot today and see what we can figure out.

What about one of this K9 body harness things? Can't get out of that.

No one knows what is going to be useful for another person. Grief doesn't give one license to be rude to well meaning others. I do understand that others cannot take grief away and often try to help in ways that one does not always find useful (as I have stated many times -it was the one place I found the therapists to be useful in that I could go in and talk about how un-comforting/flat irritating all my friends were even though they were trying very hard to help me with my pain. It helped stop me from taking my pain out on them).(And to be clear - I lost my favorite dog who died suddenly and unexpectedly from a neurological event, my favorite person, my very old dog, and one of my cats within 9 mos - so I do know about grief)
If you want to be clear about what you want - I believe others would try to do it (and not all will be perfect at it no matter how clear one is) if they could. But there is really no need take it out on someone who has attempted to be kind in my opinion.

My doc is continuing his gentle campaign of prising my grasping little fingers off his apron strings. He's basically said in the kindest way aren't there other things you should be doing than hanging around here. I want to shout NOPE quite content here thanks.

And even if I do go off and do say my taxes instead of gardening, now will it only be because he's suggested it? Probably yes but I guess at the end of the day the taxes still get done. And by doing I'll be showing my self that I can be a functional adult in recovery as opposed to a dysfunctional I'll person and build self esteem and a way of living sustainably long term. Transference and attachment- it's a *****.

I'm having a lazy day, and a thoughtful one. Since oldest daughter moved she seems to be feeling some guilt, that she's in a nice area with a nice place that is in good repair with low utility bills and feels somehow she shouldn't have left us behind. She's encouraging me to move away from the old homestead. I don't have the means to do so, but beyond that, I don't have any desire to move. I've lived here since I was 4 and there are roots running so deep that it would be painful to pull them up.

So I'm doing this thing my old counselor used to say, where I take the feelings out of the chain-wrapped mental lockbox, and examine them. This is a very uncomfortable process and I really just want to shove them back in and chain them back up and forget they exist again. But I'm trying to discover what exactly holds me here, why am I so reluctant to move on to a nicer home in a nicer area?

It feels like an obligation my father placed on me at his death and I should be chafing at the weight of it. But, for sentimental reasons and financial reasons and the damn never ending fear of change, I've just accepted that this is where I belong. So, SM, is this where you belong? Or, is this what you have convinced yourself that you deserve?

Join me in a Sunday rumination, couch?

Thank you for the update LT!

Thanks, una.
That seems like such a rational sensible thing to say, doesn't it?

This is a shadow...more than a shadow...of old behavior, it's still right there the second I don't cave and do or say what he wants me to do or say. And now he's in the phase where he bends over backward to show how reasonable and helpful he is. He just complimented me on how well I'm working with him on this project.

I will be hiring a contractor for home projects that I can't do completely on my own from here on out.

Thanks, Lemon.

Please show us what it looks like in the end! I'd love a library. I lurve Karl lagerfeld one. Floor to ceiling!


Karl Lagerfeld Has Arranged His Floor-to-Ceiling Library Sideways

I hope you enjoy the movie if you go with him.

Does one need to 'confess' to others of they have done something not harmful but that they know people wont approve of???

If you feel the need to then yes. You wouldn't want to feel like you were carrying a big secret. Depending on what it is, maybe you don't want people in your life that don't approve of what you've done. But really depends what it is.