T is pregnant

Scarlet, I am so so sorry. This is so unfair, especially given what you've been struggling with. Your T must know that it is going to be triggering and desolating for you to hear this? Given everything, maybe this is a time to find proactively a new T or to try out a few different styles of therapist, so at least you have the option not to face the baby stuff? I am so sorry. That is really a hard one. I doubt she wants to get rid of you, but she is going to be baby-absorbed maybe. I found a T2 last year during a really stressful impasse with my adored T. We resolved it, but I kept T2 , a sweet, easy, supportive, love bomb T so much different from my strict main one. I find comfort in t2, even though I don't do the same level of work.

This sounds so hard Scarlet. Maybe just remember that you have built new relationships with therapists so you are capable of doing it again. Every time I’ve had to switch therapists I get something new out of the new relationship. Everyone has something different to offer. I hope you can see someone else while she is on maternity leave.

I am sorry that this struggle is so difficult. I really don't think that your T became pregnant and is going on maternity leave just so she can get rid of you. It is not uncommon for women to take that kind of maternity leave, a leave from work, where they don't actually work. It's what she wants and needs for herself and her family; it is definitely not about you.

I'd second the recommendation to look for another T to take over when she's on leave. When my T was on medical leave a few years ago (5 months), I saw someone else in his office. It was helpful to have the support, but I didn't always need it. But it seems a good plan to have support if you do.

I'm sorry this is so difficult, but basically what you are saying here is that your T got pregnant as an excuse to get rid of you. You know that doesn't make sense. One thing you have to do here is double check your thinking; this one doesn't pan out as based in any kind of reality.

I don't think that my T getting pregnant has anything to do with me. I do, however, think she might use the opportunity to leave me.

Just talked to Pdoc and T this morning. Pdoc is increasing my meds some more. T didn't reassure me that she wasn't abandoning me, but told me it's a different situation and different people than last time. She also told me that there's nothing I can do right now, this week, this month, so why torture myself. She said tonight will be better than last night, and that I need to re-read my homework where I disprove thoughts.

Scarlet, so sorry you are going through this. HUGS Kit

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard when my t just goes off on holiday. I'm not that impressed by what she told you though? I understand why she can't promise non abandonment, as anything might happen to take it out of her control, but the rest...?!

I read that thinking, have you ever been in an emotional abandonment flashback - cause it doesn't respond to logic, homework and who gives a **** that it might be better in the future, I'm living it now and do you know how long a second is???

But that said they do eventually respond to management strategies- have you seen Pete walkers suggestions for management? It's been a v v v long slow hard road for me but I am.making baby steps so sending you strength vibes.

What about a cold compress or ice pack? Maybe a warm beverage like tea or hot chocolate?

It's possible she could opt to leave her job, but I don't think it's about leaving *you* in particular. That said, I'm sure I'd be having a very similar reaction to you and similar fears...

I promised her that I wouldn't look her up anymore, so it's been several months, but last I looked at her psychology today page, she no longer lists BPD. So I feel like I'm a burden to her. Especially lately since I've had to call her almost daily due to my SH and SUI thoughts. And she made a big deal about a guy T who enjoys work with people who have BPD. On top of that, her not reassuring me scares me.

Hang in there.

It's horrid isn't it. My doctor (lots of positive transference) just told me yesterday that he's changing role and I need to get another doc for some reason that intellectually sounds fine but all I feel is that you're ditching me cause I trouble you to much and so you're abandoning me.

He's said in terms 'I am not abandoning you' and other things (as I questioned him on it) but I don't hear those or process them.

All I've got in my body is either not thinking at all or thinking he hates me, I am a pain, he's using this new role as a way to get rid of me.

So, a long winded way to say, I feel you, it's crap, it's scary and big hugs.

Sorry but edit to add what we feel.is not reality but a big horrible emotional flashback so I take comfort from that
Hugs

I'm sorry you're going through something similar too. It sucks. My ex-T, when terminating with me, also said she's not abandoning me. She said: "If I don't leave you, I'd be abandoning you"?!?!

I'm sorry, that doesn't even make sense. Big Hugs Kit

I recently figured out what she meant by that. She felt she couldn't help me anymore. She was just treating me for my depression. I thought she was treating the BPD and depression. So she felt sge would be doing a disservice if she continued with me. But that's the past... almost 4 years ago now.

So while I was with T in last session, I came up with some ideas that might help me through the 6 months. One thing is that she'll let me make a blanket for the baby. Another thing, we had already agreed if she took a long vacation, she'd give me something of hers to take care of. I asked her if I could have something of hers to take care of while on leave and she said she'd think about it. I'm also thinking of asking for another letter. I already have a rock and stuffed animal from her, so I don't think I can ask for another transitional object.

What would you want from your T if you couldn't have contact with them for at least 6 months?

I also like the idea of of having co-sessions with a new T both before and after her leave. I don't know how that would work?, but I think it would help.

Honestly, a good referral and help transitioning to another therapist if I still felt the need to see a therapist while they were away.

I've had two therapists that I had to end with due to moves (once mine; once his). In those cases, I knew there would be no possibility of ever seeing them as a therapist again.

In both cases, they were helpful in finding resources for therapists. We weren't in a position to have co-sessions or anything, but it really wasn't necessary. In the first case, I didn't really end up seeing anyone long-term; I found I was okay. I looked at first, but decided I would go without and it was workable at the time. In the second case, I had no intention of seeing anyone for awhile, so it wasn't really an issue.

Sometimes these changes have a way of working out, and not always the way we thought they would.

A voicemail. So I could listen to her voice over and over and over.

YES! Thank you! That's a good idea!

Yes, I had one from ex-MC I often listened to that gave me a lot of comfort.

Maybe also have her write something for you (ideally handwritten), like something about your work together, positive thoughts about you, words of encouragement.

Yes! That would help too! I'd prefer handwritten as well.

What would you do about the interim T? Would you interview them? If so, what questions would you ask? Would you trust your current T's choice?

T kept suggesting different organizations. In my mind, I'm reminded of what it was like at county, and I feel like it will all be deja vu all over again. I think I'd prefer a private T. And I think I want a male T. 8 don't want to get attached to another female T even though T says it would be okay to be attached to 2 people. And that's one piece of evidence that maybe she is trying to get rid of me. Why would it be okay to be attached to 2 Ts when her rules are that I can't see another T while seeing her? How will I be able to choose between the two? Letting go of one would be heartbreaking. Unless she doesn't want me back.

What about recording a session so you can listen to it again? My T gets me to record my sessions so I can listen to the parts I don't recall (I have DID) but I find them really helpful to listen to again for so many other reasons as well... one of those reasons being it helps me to internalize what T tells me. We often listen to specific parts together too, to figure out what was going on or which part was out or whatever.