[TrailRunner14]

I’ve been working through this for 5+years.

There are so many things that I don’t understand and I’ve come to a realization that I probably never will.

I believe that I got the worst Christmas present that I could have gotten from my mom this year. I opened it and went numb with no words or emotions for her. She spoke something to me, in a quiet voice, that I do not believe is truth.

Gaslighting.

I’ve been in a different place for a few days and then it felt like I came to. It feels like something shifted and I want to come out into 2019 strong!!

I know it takes time to bring out all the crap and sort through it and find those little parts and bring them home; bring them to a safe place.

It also takes time to build strength to realize that I have the the ability to actually help them find a safe place. I feel them, right now, counting on and trusting me with that.

So.

For 2019 I’m going to take care of myself, not at the expense of those that I love, but for the safety of the little ones that want to trust me. I want to be that safe place for them and for me.

I’ve set my mind to clean the clutter out of my living space and I just want simplicity. That translates into truth for me in my mind.

I want that to be my goal with my healing too! I know it’s complicated when your pulling out all the ugly stuff. I would like to toss it and declutter, see it and move past it, like cleaning out my closets.

That’s my goal for 2019!

Thank you for hearing me.

I’m looking forward to a brand new year!

[Amyjay]

Thank you for posting this! I love all of your goals.
Mine are similar. I cleaned out my home a few months ago. I threw out everything that I do not truly need. The sense of freedom that came from that was eye opening.

Now, these last few days, I am rearranging furniture, taking my home from darkness into light. My home was organized for surviving. I am now organizing it for living. My living room now feels like a peaceful place of refuge. Who knew it could be like that?!

I am committed to becoming the me I want to be. I am not there yet. But everyday the things I choose to do and say lead me ever closer towards that goal. I am eating food for life. I am using my body for life (yoga, health, exercise).

My own young inner ones need me. They shouldn't be abandoned to the terrors of the past. They shouldn't be put in situations where they are faced with their abusers. Young children should be protected from abuse. They are young. I will protect them. I can sense that they can feel this difference in us. It feels like they too are awakening to the possibility of Life.

This feels like the right path for me.
It sounds like you are walking the right path for you.

[LostOnTheTrail]

Great topic. In the final session of 2018, I discussed the following goals with R:

1. Build tolerance for distressing emotions.
2. Learn to express my needs
3. Continue to explore the tough stuff.

After this, I realised that one basic goal was missing. Establish a sense of safety, both in session and outside.

****shrugs****
I just let happen what ever happens.
When we make plans... Someone laughs..

[DP_2017]

I had a huge list I gave T, we planned to work on that stuff but none of it matters now

[winterblues17]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

I had a huge list I gave T, we planned to work on that stuff but none of it matters now

Me too, I had quite a bit I wanted to go through aswell. Mine suggested maybe with another, but I don't think so!

I feel ya!

[Anne2.0]

Your goals are all beautiful. They resonate with me, especially about clutter in the living space. I'd never thought about that translating to feeling like "truth" but that feels really . . . true. I also like the way you articulated your goals.

Right now I'm at a practical stage in my life, so of an analog to decluttering, where I need to figure out how to manage my workload and demands with a creative project I want to make more progress on this year.

I have three practical goals that I want to try out to see if they work for me:

1. answering emails once/day (in the afternoon)
2. listening to VGM (video game music) while working instead of classical (so far, I've found it energizing)
3. Following a 10 step plan for accomplishing a big project (all laid out neatly for me in video lessons, worksheets, and the like).

More generally, my goal is to parent my teen in ways that nurture but do not stifle him (he's already announced he's not looking for "acceptance" and "validation"), to support and encourage him while also telling him what I think. I gave him life so he could go live it (circa My Big Fat Greek Wedding). Maybe recognize a little more deeply that parenting a kid very different from myself is a big challenge.

My other goal is to be open to the possibility of dating, although I have no idea what that looks like other than it's not registering for an app. I like relationships and I'm good at them.

[Waterloo12345]

Keep on keeping on. That's my goal - I think the gains I've made are too fresh, too fragile, almost too nebulous in parts to bear the weight of characterisation as a goal. I'd probably crumble under the pressure! Am still taking it 1 sec, 1 min, 1 he, 1 day at a time. But I am hopeful and excited for the 1st new year's in yrs and yrs.

I like goal setting so will post here even though I am not in therapy now. Mostly practical goals for me as well, more or less in this order of importance.

1. Find a new apartment and work on creating a home that is more satisfying than what I currently have. I definitely don't have problems with clutter and never had, more the opposite, tend to be too minimalistic.
2. Improve medical checkups. There is no reason for my avoidance other than laziness, I even work in a great hospital system with many excellent doctors and have good insurance.
3. Finish up a few work projects that have been hanging already too long.
4. Develop my business further.
5. Make a clear decision if I want to work toward becoming 100% self-employed or not. It is very hard because I do like my job and it is successful, I also like the benefits I get via the job. But I am quite bored with the repetitiveness and expectations of academia and that is part of the reason I struggle with motivation. It's a tough one and I have been hesitating for a couple years already.
6. Spend more time with 3D people.
7. Get back into hiking more often.