[goatee]

My therapist used to sit next to me and put her arm around me. Now she says she was always uncomfortable doing that and wishes she never had. I’m completely devastated by this. I keep trying to get over it, but it keeps coming up for me, and the pain is unbelievable. My therapist and I have discussed it a lot, and I understand her feelings. She says it has to do with her and not me. She has even agreed to continue doing it sometimes. But the hurting about it hasn’t faded for me. I’m not sure what to do. On a night like tonight, it hurts so much that I just don’t know... the hardest part is that my whole life I’ve been desperate for safe touch by someone who doesn’t think I’m disgusting. It meant everything to me to finally have it with this therapist. I can’t believe this has happened. I don’t think I should discuss it much more with my therapist though. I already have a lot, and I’m worried that she’ll get frustrated with me if I keep bringing it up. I’m also worried that the more she knows how important this is to me, the more I’ll freak her out and she’ll never do anything like this for me again. She has been patient with me and extremely kind, but I don’t know if she really understands what this is to me, how this has shaken everything for me. I don’t know. Just feeling hopeless and tired and hurting.

[Amyjay]

I am so sorry you are going through this hurt, goatee. It sounds incredibly painful. As I write this I am conscious of the feeling of wanting to put my arm around you in comfort. I can only send you virtual hugs.

I'd run.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by goatee

My therapist used to sit next to me and put her arm around me. Now she says she was always uncomfortable doing that and wishes she never had. I’m completely devastated by this. I keep trying to get over it, but it keeps coming up for me, and the pain is unbelievable. My therapist and I have discussed it a lot, and I understand her feelings. She says it has to do with her and not me. She has even agreed to continue doing it sometimes. But the hurting about it hasn’t faded for me. I’m not sure what to do. On a night like tonight, it hurts so much that I just don’t know... the hardest part is that my whole life I’ve been desperate for safe touch by someone who doesn’t think I’m disgusting. It meant everything to me to finally have it with this therapist. I can’t believe this has happened. I don’t think I should discuss it much more with my therapist though. I already have a lot, and I’m worried that she’ll get frustrated with me if I keep bringing it up. I’m also worried that the more she knows how important this is to me, the more I’ll freak her out and she’ll never do anything like this for me again. She has been patient with me and extremely kind, but I don’t know if she really understands what this is to me, how this has shaken everything for me. I don’t know. Just feeling hopeless and tired and hurting.

Sorry for the pain and hurt this causes

I wish therapists would be more careful with this stuff. They seem to simply not realize the impacts of doing such things, and the impacts of taking such things away

[winterblues17]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I would be totally devastated in that position, because I also have issues with touch and I understand how hard it is but also how amazing it feels when u are able to feel the safety and closeness with someone to trust them with touch. So if my T was to have said the same thing I would honestly be beside myself and I know I would go back to the self hate and disgust I've always felt about being untouchable.
I hope you can talk to your T more about this, I think it's really important in that kind of situation to explain your side, because I don't think they can really know just how damaging something like this can be to a person.

Thankfully my T hasn't rejected me in that sense whenever I've asked, however she has ultimately rejected me by quitting so I do understand similar feelings right now!

I hope you find the strength and courage to talk with her and hopefully she can offer a better insight to her own words and actions.

[DP_2017]

Toward the end of things with me, he kept saying "I shouldn't have done that" when I tried to question why he was different with me than others. It pissed me off greatly. I told him, don't say that ****, in the moment, you were content with it, it made me happy, it worked for me. You're just afraid now and it's ridiculous.

We had a few squabbles at the end about this but its funny, 2 of the things he said he regretted and should not have done, he agreed to do in the final session.

I'm sorry this hurts so much, people can be cruel sometimes.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Toward the end of things with me, he kept saying "I shouldn't have done that" when I tried to question why he was different with me than others. It pissed me off greatly. I told him, don't say that ****, in the moment, you were content with it, it made me happy, it worked for me. You're just afraid now and it's ridiculous.

We had a few squabbles at the end about this but its funny, 2 of the things he said he regretted and should not have done, he agreed to do in the final session.

I'm sorry this hurts so much, people can be cruel sometimes.

This reminds me of my former marriage counselor, who told me during the rupture (and after) that he should have been more strict with boundaries from the beginning. Which made me feel like he regretted caring and being there for me.

[junkDNA]

My t has never said he shouldn't have done things but has admitted that hes done a lot more for me than he has with any other clients

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by goatee

the hardest part is that my whole life I’ve been desperate for safe touch by someone who doesn’t think I’m disgusting.

Maybe I'm missing something, but did she say she's uncomfortable because you are disgusting? If she didn't say this specifically, but articulated other reasons such as she doubts its therapeutic nature, are you assuming that she really thinks you are disgusting, but won't say it? To me her being willing to continue to hold you sometimes speaks to her commitment to you rather than her own comfort, and seems like a good thing. Sometimes people are willing to do things they aren't crazy about for the sake of the person on the other side of the relationship (like in a long term relationship, compromising or what not). It's a gesture of love and support.

But just like in another thread, you can't control not only what someone does, but how they feel about it. That she feels uncomfortable with it is because of her and her role as a therapist, not because of you (unless she said differently). I'd be kind of worried if her reaction to holding you was "I love it! It's the best thing in the world! I wish I could hold you all day, every day!" I understand the need for safe touch, but it seems to me as an outsider than you've received it and she's offered to continue to provide safe touch, but within limits. This is similar to relationships of all kinds.