Couch 186: Pink Lemonade

No wonder ive been craving oranges!

Actually, all is well with the world - after my soap operas, they show 2 hours of the original Law & Order, with Ben Stone (Michael Moriarty) - my one true true true true love.

Eta - oh, and a very young Chris Noth (Mr Big)

So my break from PC lasted less than 2 days. Oh well. I saw my T today. I told him sometimes I hate him for not being devoted to me. And I pinpointed the last time I cried out loud. I was 5. At the end I hugged him and told him I had missed him. He said "It's good to see you". And that constitutes my session write up this week.

T tonight which is good because I can't stop feeling super depressed. Having coffee with a friend before therapy and I haven't seen this friend for about a month so I am looking forward to it. I'm tired though. If I wasn't at work, I'd be home in bed. That's basically what I did the past four days--sleep. Kit

I’ve just driven you into Oozy’s arms, huh?

Hey, lemon...wanna go SIM card shopping?

It sucks when you leave your session with tears in your eyes and smudged mascara and the elevator door opens and there are 3 other people inside. Everything feels so hard right now.

All four of my alumni/ae magazines arrived today. I feel like an underachiever now.

From T just now:
"LT - sorry for the delay, it was a long day of clients after the break. Of course you’re not getting terminated. We can discuss what happened in session tomorrow. I just wanted to get you a quick note in case you were very anxious."
He knows me...(that I was very anxious).

I’m watching Luther. He just advised another character running away from a murder in self-defense to “buy some SIM cards.”

Something along the lines of LT’s situation
My therapist has a fb page with nothing on it-I got the usual friend suggestions and one was him and looking further I found we were being linked through a local young woman I didn’t know-so looking at her profile I saw that her best friend was a friend of my daughter who comes to our house 3 x a week for classical equitation lessons from myself
I had a bad feeling about this So I mentioned this to “t” saying that this best friend could easily come with my client if they were going on somewhere after etc (many pics of them clubbing/on holiday etc together) and I’d like to know if I was at any risk of an awkward situation in my own home and gave him the name
He was silent-forever-and eventually asked if rI really wanted to know-erhh yes!!
“She is my stepdaughter” that was an “oh sh.t “moment

I took my dancer kid to the chiropractor today, and there'd been a cancellation so they fit me in too. The chiropractor just put his thumb on a pressure point, saying something about releasing a ligament. It didn't feel like he was doing much of anything, but all of a sudden I just sighed and my whole back relaxed. Whoa.

I had no idea I was holding that much tension. I am still exhausted hours later. I think I'll take an Epsom salt bath and go to bed. Maybe I'll sleep all night tonight, which would be amazing.

I started writing down my dreams a week or so ago again. Question for people who remember their dreams:
Is it 'normal' (i.e. does this happen to lots of people) to have dreams that revolves around some situation that sounds like a nightmare or at least very frightening, but to not feel like in a nightmare, so no fear, not even a slight bit of uneasiness?

T in 2 hours if anyone wants to pocket ride...

+1 if I'm not too late.

That's a good question, RaineD. He's seemed bothered by a few personal things, like when I found out he was at a particular event and watched a live video of him there (this was like 8 months ago), when I admitted I looked at his online photo a few times for comfort when he was out of town, and of course the whole debacle with the stone, where he seemed bothered by my using a transitional object he willingly gave me for comfort ("10% creepy"). And recently, he expressed dismay that I'd come up with a particular "narrative" about his son being on the autism spectrum. Ex-T had told me (in our final session) that T had a son on the spectrum. I shared this with T a month or two in,and he seemed bothered that she'd shared that but did not say she was wrong either. So I'd just assumed his son was in fact on the spectrum and found comfort in talking to him about my D (also on spectrum), thinking he understood on another level.

Then maybe a month or two ago, something about that came up, where we were talking about autism stuff, and I said part of me wanted to know if his son was higher or lower functioning but I knew maybe he wouldn't tell me (my D is high-functioning). And then he was all, "Well, I haven't worked with your ex-T in 8 years, and a lot can change between when a kid is 4 and 11, so her information may not be accurate anymore." (this was near end of a session). I emailed him about it, and he talked about not realizing I'd created this whole "narrative" around his son. Which, I mean, in the recent session that led to the email, he'd said how he thinks environmental factors contribute to autism, so he tries to eliminate any pollutants or toxins in his home. Like, why would that make me think his son isn't on spectrum? Anyway...so he basically said he'd neither confirm nor deny if his son was on spectrum.

So now I see his wife posting on what I initially thought was a group for biomedical treatment of autism... (I'm also in the group). Though then realized group is for biomedical treatment of other conditions, too. Reading the comment about which I got notification,wouldn't necessarily suggest son is on spectrum. But reading some of her earlier posts in group, it does suggest he at least one time was considered to be on spectrum. And, as mentioned in other posts, that she's an anti-vaxxer. So I feel T will likely be bothered that I saw those other posts. I mean, I doubt he'll care if I know his son has a rice sensitivity. But other things... I'm just afraid that, even though it's in a group I'm in, he'll think it's a big boundary violation that i read her other posts.

My sisters are still staying with me, whilst I have really liked it- I only have a one bed place. I left them for an hour and a half this morning just to walk out and grab a cinnamon swirl.

My team is SO busy at work still. It's insane. Rumor has it they're going to be asking us to work 12 hour days soon!! Thankfully they won't make 12 hour days mandatory, but we are still on mandatory 10 hour days 6 days a week. Ugh. Well, my lunch break is over gotta get back to it.