Couch 186: Pink Lemonade

LonesomeTonight · Jan 03, 2019, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

4 weeks ago about right now I was getting home from my last therapy session with L. Weird.

H and I are talking again. We just finished putting together the 3rd bookcase after I got off work. The library-room is coming together now. We talked a little bit more about his blowup the other morning.

Possible trigger:

I told him how that one pretty awful thing he had said was a serious and rather damaging thing to threaten to somebody who had been a hair's breadth away from actually attempting as I had been at one point in my darkest hours of depression in 2009.

He said "I wasn't serious. But it got the desired result, I found out how you felt." I told him that was so not okay. He just said "Don't worry about it. I'm over it." I sorta folded into myself at that point and couldn't talk about it anymore. So we changed the subject.

I'm still finding my way through this. I'm thinking I might call L for a one-off session about all of this after I've worked through it some more inside myself. I don't know yet.

Hugs, Art...I agree that what he said isn't OK. A session with L might help you sort out your feelings.

DP_2017 · Jan 03, 2019, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Is it possible to do a trial run with him to see how he'd do? Like a probationary period of a week where you could possibly return him if he was aggressive toward your dog or brother?

Technically i probably could but morally no. I'd feel awful returning him. He's already been in a few homes. If i take him, it's forever

Jan 03, 2019, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

4 weeks ago about right now I was getting home from my last therapy session with L. Weird.

H and I are talking again. We just finished putting together the 3rd bookcase after I got off work. The library-room is coming together now. We talked a little bit more about his blowup the other morning.

Possible trigger:

I told him how that one pretty awful thing he had said was a serious and rather damaging thing to threaten to somebody who had been a hair's breadth away from actually attempting as I had been at one point in my darkest hours of depression in 2009.

He said "I wasn't serious. But it got the desired result, I found out how you felt." I told him that was so not okay. He just said "Don't worry about it. I'm over it." I sorta folded into myself at that point and couldn't talk about it anymore. So we changed the subject.

I'm still finding my way through this. I'm thinking I might call L for a one-off session about all of this after I've worked through it some more inside myself. I don't know yet.

It’s hard to just let something like that go. It’s not like a huge fight one day and okay the next day. That’s just not how it works. There’s tension for awhile after a blow up like that. So he may be “I’m over it”, but I doubt he really is and obviously your not. There so much during that blow up that wasn’t said from either of you. L would probably have you in for one more session-I’m sure.
When H and I got into our fight the day before Christmas Eve he left for over a week. I just let him back in the other day and told him this isn’t over. And we aren’t going back to way it was before and just forgetting the whole thing. Still so much to deal with.

Jan 03, 2019, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I feel so rejected right now

Hugs JaneT1

velcro003 · Jan 03, 2019, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I have conceived a sudden and inexplicable desire for an ouroboros bracelet.

Ouroboros bracelet | Etsy

ETA: ordered.

oooh, creepy...i like it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

4 weeks ago about right now I was getting home from my last therapy session with L. Weird.

H and I are talking again. We just finished putting together the 3rd bookcase after I got off work. The library-room is coming together now. We talked a little bit more about his blowup the other morning.

Possible trigger:

I told him how that one pretty awful thing he had said was a serious and rather damaging thing to threaten to somebody who had been a hair's breadth away from actually attempting as I had been at one point in my darkest hours of depression in 2009.

He said "I wasn't serious. But it got the desired result, I found out how you felt." I told him that was so not okay. He just said "Don't worry about it. I'm over it." I sorta folded into myself at that point and couldn't talk about it anymore. So we changed the subject.

I'm still finding my way through this. I'm thinking I might call L for a one-off session about all of this after I've worked through it some more inside myself. I don't know yet.

uhhhh...SO not okay! even without your history, you don't just scare someone into telling them their feelings. ughhhhh. some things your h says and does really gets to me.

ScarletPimpernel · Jan 03, 2019, 09:18 PM

Thank you for all the pocket riders and the good thoughts! It went well!! I wrote out my session in my thread.

susannahsays · Jan 03, 2019, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Technically i probably could but morally no. I'd feel awful returning him. He's already been in a few homes. If i take him, it's forever

Morally, it seems like you owe it to him and your other dog to make sure everything's ok. He deserves a forever home that is the right fit for him. I am actually surprised that a short term visit is not a requirement to adopt him.

atisketatasket · Jan 03, 2019, 09:27 PM

My supermarket gave out free bottles of something called “Aloe Water” a couple weeks ago. It was free, and I’m cheap, so why not? I got one.

It actually tastes like I’m drinking hand lotion. Grape-flavored hand lotion, but still.

velcro003 · Jan 03, 2019, 09:28 PM

that was my first thought when i read "aloe water." ewww.

stopdog · Jan 03, 2019, 09:29 PM

I had a sample of aloe water from costco once - took me all day to get the horrible taste out of my mouth. The stuff I sampled was disgusting.

DP_2017 · Jan 03, 2019, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by susannahsays

Morally, it seems like you owe it to him and your other dog to make sure everything's ok. He deserves a forever home that is the right fit for him. I am actually surprised that a short term visit is not a requirement to adopt him.

My dog and him would meet before any papers were signed. They don't do short term because it can add issues for dogs being sent around to different homes. I will never do that to a dog. I'm well aware my dog needs to get along. I don't need you to tell me my morals. My dog is my life. I'm not jumping in blindly to this.

feralkittymom · Jan 03, 2019, 09:44 PM

@@, I hope you were also in proximity to a bathroom all day!

susannahsays · Jan 03, 2019, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

My dog and him would meet before any papers were signed. They don't do short term because it can add issues for dogs being sent around to different homes. I will never do that to a dog. I'm well aware my dog needs to get along. I don't need you to tell me my morals. My dog is my life. I'm not jumping in blindly to this.

Nice pun. So what exactly are you asking? You appeared to ask for opinions. You may not be going into this blindly, but I challenge you to rethink your all or nothing stance on whether he will stay with you forever if it turns out to be a bad fit. I know you love dogs, and surely you can understand that to do so would not actually benefit anyone - including the rescued dog, who should be free to find the perfect home for himself, even if it turns out that's not with you.

DP_2017 · Jan 03, 2019, 09:50 PM

I've volunteered in rescue for yrs. Why do I have to be challenged for morals? Would i be expected to return a child if i didn't think they fit?

I wont sigh anything until I've thought it out and know if its something i want. I will never in my life return a dog for any reason. It's who I am. Take it or leave it. I'd devote my life to taking care of any dog i adopted even if it had challenges

I was not trying to make a pun either

susannahsays · Jan 03, 2019, 09:59 PM

Bringing up returning a child is actually a great point. Children that are adopted, unless they are newborns, go on visits with the prospective family for ever increasing time periods. So that there won't be issues of a bad fit. And that is for good reason.

DP_2017 · Jan 03, 2019, 10:05 PM

I was meaning returning your own child. Like a hospital

Also do you realize adopted children who are in and out of homes are very messed up? They often feel unloved and unwanted and have behavior issues. Sounds ****** to me.

DP_2017 · Jan 03, 2019, 10:06 PM

Anyway sorry i asked for advice here. I guess i never learn. people with varying views and morals aren't accepted.

butterscotch444 · Jan 03, 2019, 10:13 PM

Pretty cool! Sounds like a good place to hang!!

ArtleyWilkins · Jan 03, 2019, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DP_2017

Technically i probably could but morally no. I'd feel awful returning him. He's already been in a few homes. If i take him, it's forever

It sounds like this dog needs a home where it is the only dog and no children or people that might startle it inadvertently. I have several different friends who have blind dogs, and that is what they have said about creating a calm and consistently safe feeling environment so that the dogs don’t startle easily and snap out of self-defense. Didn’t you mention you have another dog and a special needs sibling? Those would definitely be considerations.

atisketatasket · Jan 03, 2019, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

@@, I hope you were also in proximity to a bathroom all day!

Oh no, is that a side-effect? Because I just drank it and it’s almost bedtime.

I’m going to be like una.

susannahsays · Jan 03, 2019, 10:23 PM

You always do this, DP. You ask for advice, then lash out when anybody says something you don't like or don't want to hear.

And yeah, kids that are in many different foster homes often have problems. That wasn't what I was referring to. Although putting a child through a system where they might be rejected isn't ideal, it's much better than sentencing them to the wrong family for life.

stopdog · Jan 03, 2019, 10:25 PM

I had a siberian husky mix and she was an absolutely fantastic dog. But she was not trustworthy around any animal smaller than she was except for the 2 cats she had been raised with - the prey drive was too strong.

Polibeth · Jan 03, 2019, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

My supermarket gave out free bottles of something called “Aloe Water” a couple weeks ago. It was free, and I’m cheap, so why not? I got one.

It actually tastes like I’m drinking hand lotion. Grape-flavored hand lotion, but still.

When my supermarket gives out free stuff I always take it - no matter how disgusting it is. After all, it is free. On one occasion husband loved the free popcorn so now I am stuck buying it.

atisketatasket · Jan 03, 2019, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Polibeth

When my supermarket gives out free stuff I always take it - no matter how disgusting it is. After all, it is free. On one occasion husband loved the free popcorn so now I am stuck buying it.

I have a free bottle of hot sauce—Sweet Baby Ray’s—and no real idea what to do with it yet. I’m not super fond of hot sauce and it’s not the sort of thing food drives solicit.

susannahsays · Jan 03, 2019, 10:31 PM

I am sitting a husky mix now. She is husky and German shephard. Very good with my little 6lb pipsqueak, though she does whine incessantly unless I'm actively petting her. And barks randomly. But a good dog and not aggressive.

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Couch 186: Pink Lemonade

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