Couch 188: Who needs those people, anyway?

I frequently have nightmares that I somehow go out in public topless by accident. Happened last night. Started out as a good dream. My apartment overlooked the ocean instead of a parking lot (I live on the coast about 20 minutes from the beach). The water was a beautiful blue and was lapping at my toes as I stepped through a screen door I don't actually have onto the sand. The beach was crowded. I started towards the water. At some point, I realized my swimsuit was rolled down, exposing my breasts.

Sometimes I also have dreams where I'm not wearing any pants or underwear, but those are less common. And I'm never completely naked.

Good morning Couchies! I had snow in my yard this morning. Strange for So-Cal. I mean it wasn't copious amounts, but it was indeed that white stuff called snow! Hugs if anyone wants one, Kit

I just went on a walk in the rain. I am finding my daily walks very helpful mentally esp regarding school. I need to remember to walk on weekends more to avoid what happened last weekend.

I also had another good realization about therapy on this morning's walk.

Consulting T pocket riders welcome (in an hour)
Getting really anxious about it now...especially as I'm typing up list of possible topics

I'll jump in LT

Did you see jessica11s quote from doris lessing? Thread 1 person.

Thank you couch. I'm feeling better this morning. My youngest vomited all night, once all over me while nursing. Not sure what was going on last night but we're both fine now.

Ugh, glad you're both fine now!

I will hop in LT. HUGS Kit

"Words are the source of misunderstandings"

I threw a toddler tantrum in email to R, over this elusive second session that I've been asking about since my "breakdown".

I accused him of being there for me, but not really there for me. I said that I didn't want it next week but this week and that I wasn't going to ask for this extra session again. That I was going to skip next week as I have an exam on session day and didn't want to see him straight after that and that maybe I should just see him on the 19th.

+1.

I think I‘m late to pocket riding but I hope it went well, LT!

I hope your session goes well tomorrow and she is able to reassure you that she isn't going anywhere. Stating the obvious, but I think your dreams are indicative about your fears over losing T, especially the abandoned factory and the fact that the locations are all different instead of just being the same old place. It says to me you kinda don't know where you're going to end up in a way.

Yay go you! Maybe if you make it more part of your daily thing it would be harder to forget, like f you do it first thing in the morning or at a set time specifically then the next step would be automatic.

Thanks for the riders! Went well—she also seemed to find me to be very entertaining (laughed a lot). Helped to talk about some T stuff—ended up with some ex-MC stuff in there too. She was pretty validating, both about stuff with T and just my needs in general. No idea if I’ll se her more or not—naturally she’s off same week as T...but maybe I’ll check out someone else then? Will think about it—curious to see if one of my other top two contenders get back to me.

Good to hear lt

Was she able to help figure out what direction to go with t? Hope so. Glad she was good but ya bummer she is gone then too

Thanks. I haven’t really figured out what to do yet. She said didn’t seem like he was being abusive or unethical and that I am getting helpful stuff from him. But the question is more would someone else be helping me more? And can I get where I want to go with him? She wasn’t expecting me to have answers right away.

Thanks! Yes this is why I walk regularly on full work days, as I use my breaks for it. On off days I forget! Must schedule walking on weekends!

Do you know where it is you want to go? That seems like an important thing to have clarity on if that's the question.

Maybe there is someone cheaper as well. I guess you need to really think about what you need or want going forward. Hopefully you find a good solution and someone for that week at least

She asked me what my therapy goals were (after she said that), and I was like “uhhhh” and then managed to list some (she wrote them down). I’ve made progress on some with T, which she said was good. The whole “better coping mechanisms” one definitely needs some work though. And “managing my emotions better” (as I spent Monday and yesterday crying off and on).

I hate the therapy goals question....my answer is always vague: uh to feel better? No wonder my therapy then too is vague.


Glad the appointment went well LT. It sounds like it was helpful. HUGS Kit

Yeah there’s that too. If I do keep seeing T (would definitely have a few more sessions with him at least), maybe I could set a goal date within next couple months to go down to once a week. And sort of taper toward then even (like twice one week, once the next or something).

Yeah, T does seem to have specific goals in mind for me which helps. Ex-MC, not so much. Ex-T did I’m beginning, then shifted in different direction.

I only have 1 goal this time but it seems impossible so I'm not too realistic about it.

Goals are good but plans to get to them are best