Couch 188: Who needs those people, anyway?

Do most people have therapy goals? I guess mine is to not hate myself anymore. It's a pretty big, multi-faceted goal, though, and it's taking work on a lot of different fronts to move toward it. I don't think my T has ever asked about my goals. Maybe more like, in which direction should we go?

That sounds like a good goal.

Paraphrased badly from a speaker I like:

"getting the goal itself isn't important, it's who you become in the pursuit of that goal that matters "

Mine would be just turning up.

I said something like:
Functioning better in relationships—marriage, friends, family
Handling anxiety better
Being less affected by others opinions of me
Functioning better in life in general
Developing better coping mechanisms
Managing my emotions better
Maybe another one too? I just sorta rattled them off

My therapist asked about goals after maybe 3 or 4 sessions. My goal was to not be angry at my husband anymore. He pointed out more than once over the ensuing months that I had valid reasons to be angry. I'm not sure what my current goals are.

My goal is to stop hating Madame T.

My goals with T are:
1. Rewriting my story
2. Practice changing my thoughts
3. Processing her leave
4. Coping with stress

My goals with L are:
1. Coping with T's leave
2. Spiritual issues
3. Smoking cessation
4. Issues with H
5. Infertility issues
6. Crisis plan
7. Safety plan

L was never really goal-oriented. In retrospect I kinda wish she had been, but well kinda not too cuz it all worked in the end. If/when I go back to therapy I want to have specific, measurable goals.

During the last session of 2018, I discussed the following with R.

1. Building tolerance for difficult emotions (anger still feels like it's suffocating me.)
2. Expressing needs.
3. Exploring difficult subject matter.

The T that I saw for four sessions in the Summer was extremely goal oriented. Maybe to do with her modality? CBT? I articulated a couple: reducing/stopping SH, managing emotions better. But her was of reducing/stopping SH was threatening hospitalization every session and we never did get to managing emotions. I kind of wish my T now would be a little more goal oriented, but I don't think she's that kind of therapist. Kit

What is it they say about hate and love?

Mine was / is to get tf out of my own way. Hopefully before i die. As i originally stated it to current t, it was to be "more me". He looked appalled.

For me, I would never ever have let a therapist have goals for me. I might have goals, but a therapist has no place, for me, in placing their goals upon me.

MORE UNA...er, cowbell.

same difference! thats probably what he was thinking! That would explain the face!

I don't want a t to set goals FOR me. I want to set my own goals and have them help me with reaching them.

While I wouldn't want a T to set goals for me, sometimes I need help setting goals so I think I would like the T to set goals *with* me. Kit

My goals: handle on eating/weight based issues; have friends

Every time I thing about quitting therapy I go back to these goals and determine if I've met them, which I am not even close to. Then I ask, am I making progress? Not on those but I am on my general MH, so I hold onto the hopes that fixing the general MH will result in those things falling into place.

Yes! This. set goals WITH me. That's what I want next time.

My new favorite tv ad - a leetle creepy, but kinda cute!

[Url]https://www.ispot.tv/ad/IOFA/chantix-slow-turkey[/url)

Hey, time for a new couch!!

I should be trying to sleep, but...

Couch 189

ugh, i can't even believe it. last july i got up the courage to ask my mom to write up an anthology of sorts of my childhood, since i don't remember anything from 3-11/12ish or so. this took a LOT for me to do, but it bothered me enough to risk being vulnerable with my mother.

she said it'd probably be hard, but she'd do it. i checked in a couple of months later and she said some of it was difficult, but she found it rewarding too. she was having her ex-partner ask her questions, and that helped. she said she didn't want to get anything wrong, but i assured her it doesn't need to be perfect.

when i originally asked her, i remember saying things like "what was my birth like? (i was an extreme preemie), how was i as a baby, etc..." i don't remember the entire conversation as it was last summer, but i feel like i was pretty clear in what i asked for.

it was supposed to be a christmas present, that turned into a bday present, and i got it today. it is a pre-written journal ALL ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD. The journal asks questions about her childhood, and she answers them. All one million pages of this stupid effing thing.

i truly can't believe it, and how did she get it so wrong? i will never tell her any of this, i will just thank her. i am so upset, and already had a really bad day/week.

Wow wtf. Is this typical of her, velcro? Is she narcissistic or something?

i don't think so? i'm just very upset and confused and coped badly. the good thing is my T gave me an appt to see her friday--so i have to hang in untl then.

I'm also sad that you even have to ask what you were like as a baby. Is there anyone besides your mom who would know?

HUGS Velcro, I'm sorry, that sucks!