[comforteagle]

I've been struggling with depression since about 2011/2012. I've tried therapy a few times but could never bring myself to be open and vulnerable enough to make it past a few sessions. I am worried that I may have more serious issues than just depression. But I don't want to walk into my first therapy appointment like, "here I am, here are my five self-diagnoses, give me pills." But on the other hand, I made the appointment for "depression" and I don't want the therapist to jump right in with mindfulness techniques and other typical therapy exercises for depression and focus just on that when I also have other things that are more difficult to talk about that are causing me a lot of distress right now.

I am going to be seen by a counselor (her credentials state: MS, Ed., LMHCA) at the counseling center at my university, but I will also have access to a psychiatrist if the counselor deems that necessary as well.

I've already written out a word document of my primary struggles, and things that have caused me difficult in therapy in the past. Any other tips for someone who hasn't been successful in therapy in the past (maybe more specific than just "be honest")? Thanks in advance.

[SlumberKitty]

Hi Comforteagle, I responded to your other post, but the only thing I can think of besides writing it down and giving it to the T is to tell the T that you have tried therapy a few times but had trouble being open and vulnerable and see what the T suggests. They are professionals and they probably come across this quite frequently. I've been seeing the T I have now since August and I'm still not particularly open or vulnerable with her. It takes time to trust. But I have told her some things. Slowly. But none of the really big stuff. I just keep at it, session after session, trying to be as open as I can be at that point in time. Sometimes it take a leap of faith, but I just keep doing the best I can. I know this isn't very specific advice, but maybe it will be of some comfort to know that you aren't the only one that struggles with this. HUGS Kit

[piggy momma]

Hi comfort,

I would echo what SlumberKitty has said. One option is to just write everything down and tell her. I don't think any therapist would expect someone to be completely open about everything in their first visit, and all therapists know that working with someone in therapy is like peeling layers off an onion. It's normal to be nervous, unsure, and reserved. Heck, I've known my therapist for 16 years and I still have trouble telling him some things. A huge part of being able to open up to your therapist is trust and that doesn't happen at the first meeting. It can take years to build.

Your first session will likely be an intake session where she'll gather some general information from you and ask the famous question "so what brings you here today?". You can say something like "i have some depression that is being fuelled by other circumstances in my life and i'd like to get to a point where I can talk about them." A skilled therapist will know when and how to push, and when to back off.

I applaud you for your courage in trying again. Therapy can be a very rewarding experience and university life has a complete set of challenges on its own! (I know because i'm there too right now!). Good luck!

[Fuzzybear]

I just want to echo that it takes time to trust, and a good therapist will be understanding of this. Sometimes it takes a few tries, or more than a few tries, to find a therapist who we feel comfortable enough with to begin to open up. I suggest testing them with “smaller” issues to begin with if possible. Some therapists are wonderful, while others, in my experience, not so much. I would never be comfortable with an arrogant therapist who over estimates their intelligence and competence. Empathy, intelligence, creativity and patience are essential. Hugs

[Salmon77]

What you write makes me wonder what kinds of therapy you've tried in the past. Some kinds are more focused on techniques and exercises (like CBT) and other kinds are a more free-form conversation (like psychodynamic psychotherapy). It sounds like the second one might be more what you want. Does the person you're going to see have a more psychodynamic orientation? If not maybe you could ask for a reference.

Your word doc sounds very helpful, I think it's a good idea to bring that in and talk to the counselor about it.

[Omers]

Don’t be afraid or bullied into staying with them if you have given it an HONEST try and are not getting anywhere. It took me 18 years to find the right T for me after so many others fired me, hurt me, called me resistant... just because they could not admit we were not a good match.

[fouracres]

I just wanted to pipe in and cheer you on for being brave enough to try it again. To go along with that, I’d suggest not being so hard on yourself. :-) I know this comes off as one of those “easier said than done things,” which I get. But it’s something I’ve had to learn as I’ve gone since beginning therapy again. I can’t tell you the number of times I chided myself for not being “good” or “successful” with therapy because I wasn’t opening up quick enough or meeting some other criteria I told myself would indicate I was doing this right. Therapy has started being effective for me once I took a deep breath and allowed myself to surrender to the process, and stop putting so much pressure on myself to adhere to some imaginary timeline that I was creating for myself.

I will say I have also learned that I have to be an advocate for myself throughout the process. This has taken me some time (and a number of “failed” therapy attempts) to learn. Even if, as other have already mentioned, this just means bringing this issue up with your therapist and going from there.

I always feel a little better when I remind myself that everyone’s therapy journey is unique.

You’re doing great!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Omers

Don’t be afraid or bullied into staying with them if you have given it an HONEST try and are not getting anywhere. It took me 18 years to find the right T for me after so many others fired me, hurt me, called me resistant... just because they could not admit we were not a good match.

Thanks for this post, it gives me hope that there might be a good t somewhere in this forest (if I paid them enough...)

[downandlonely]

I have seen countless therapists. Some were terrible and others were nice and tried to be helpful, but ultimately could not help me. But I think that's because my depression is biological and not trauma related.

Writing things down is a really good idea.

[scorpiosis37]

I would echo what have others have said about finding someone who is a good fit for you. If it doesn’t feel right or isn’t working with one T, I would stop and try someone else or a different kind of therapy. I would also give honest feedback to the T if she’s suggesting something that doesn’t work for you— tell her and she’s open to adjusting things. If not, I would find someone who is. I would also try to see someone who has experience, and not an intern or brand new T.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

I would echo what have others have said about finding someone who is a good fit for you. If it doesn’t feel right or isn’t working with one T, I would stop and try someone else or a different kind of therapy. I would also give honest feedback to the T if she’s suggesting something that doesn’t work for you— tell her and she’s open to adjusting things. If not, I would find someone who is. I would also try to see someone who has experience, and not an intern or brand new T.

Wisdom!
Also, I think it can be critical to stay on top of the TIMING of disclosures on your part. When I go too fast in therapy, it generally hurts me in the long run!

Take things at a rate that is comfortable for YOU, not what the T thinks is appropriate!

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by comforteagle

I've tried therapy a few times but could never bring myself to be open and vulnerable enough to make it past a few sessions. .

I think being open and vulnerable with a total stranger is inherently problematic and ill-advised. The usual spin on this is that the client has trust "issues" but this is gaslighting and BS. Real trust has to be earned, over time.

I would turn this around... why on earth should you spill your guts to a stranger who sits and observes voyeuristically and who does not meet you half-way in terms of openness and vulnerability?

I did not find therapy helpful for depression.

[Myrto]

Agree with Budfox: why should you spill your guts to some stranger?
You have tried therapy and it hasn't worked, but somehow you should keep trying ? for how long? Months? Years? Why?
I'd say trust your guts: you haven't found it helpful therefore it's not helpful. And not because you were not trusting enough. Not trusting random strangers is basic common sense imo.

I haven't found therapy to be helpful for depression either.