[Wiggle118]

Is it meant to feel like something is happening?

I’m seeing my therapist as I start making steps to leave my emotionally abusive heterosexual relationship. I came to the conclusion that I’m gay a couple years ago and my therapist is aware of this.

We’ve had about four sessions, but I was seeing her for about three months this time last year. I feel like we just chat about what’s happened that week, what I’ll do next, with a strong focus on my relationship , and some about how I’m feeling. So, this week I mentioned feeling like I’m still living a pretence, despite talking to people about my relationship, and that I felt suffocated. I said I’d just have to keep going through the motions until I’m on the other side and prioritise that, which she agreed with, and is correct I guess...but I’m disappointed that she agreed. I want to be working on/talking about some of the sexuality stuff too. It took quite a lot for me to mention it too, given I feel so uncomfortable talking about it, and it’s a big part of my experience of my relationship. Perhaps I need to be more direct?

I just feels like we’re not doing anything, I guess. It does help having somebody to discuss it all with, but I don’t feel that anything is happening as such. I’s feel less push to take steps to leave my relationship without her, so whilst I think it might be time to leave, then I also don’t want to, which makes me feel pathetic. It feels a bit like she’s said we can’t talk about the sexuality stuff, which she hasn’t, but that’s how it feels.

I don’t know if this makes sense or whether I’m being fair.

[Lemoncake]

You could try and send her an email, saying you would like to discuss your sexuality in the next session, but I felt the same with the very first T I saw- he had a phD and other fancy letters after his name, but we didn't cover any of the topics I came in to see him about. I gave him 4 or 5 sessions before I called it a day. Trust your gut instinct.

[coolibrarian]

You haven't seen this T for very long, even adding in the 3 months from last year. I'm sorry, but the untangling of abusive relationships (of any kind) can take a long time; I've done it twice, once with my husband, then second with my fiancé; both were men, and I am female. I came out to myself when I was 38 or 39, and am happy to say, finally, that I'm in a great relationship with my wife; we met 19 years ago, and married in 2010!
It takes a long time to get through all of the issues (not just the sexuality, although that is a major part), but, as my T often says, "The only way out is through." Send me a private message if you want to talk more about anything.--Cool

What is therapy suppose to feel like?

A bit like being a contestant on 'Hells kitchen' with less food involved....

[Rive.]

There is no one standard as to what therapy is supposed to feel like. It depends on so many factors - the therapist's orientation and style, what clients bring to the table etc.

It is not clear what her theoretical orientation is but I would suggest addressing the sexuality issue directly with her. Again. As a gentle reminder for her to get her act together and focus on the specific issue you need help with.

I know you say it is an uncomfortable topic for you and it took a lot to broach the topic - but do you feel you can try again?

IF she still does not acknowledge your need, then you might be better off with a therapist who is more solution-focused. There is no point wasting time (and money) in discussing general issues when that is not what you want to work on.

[Omers]

I have stuck it out with way too many T’s that just wanted to offer a listening ear but not be therapeutic. I used to get agitated in therapy when I was feeling suffocated by our lack of progress now I know it is a signal that this is not the right T for me. I have been with my current T for 5 sessions and while we are not digging into anything deep and he is not confronting my toxic relationship (yet) we ARE making progress and I can see/feel it. He is building a foundation so that I have the strength to leave the relationship or confront the issues in it. His active support in our sessions is making it more and more difficult to go home and just “let it be” because I am getting stronger. I could be missing part of it but if you are not avoiding something by leaving I would look for another T.