[darkside8]

Asked? Discussed? Or just went for it?

How was that like?

I fear this may make me emotional, maybe even break down, because of past loss that I’m still not over.

[Echos Myron redux]

After about a year of working together (maybe 2) he told me he was open to touch, in response to us talking about my previous T rejecting my request for a hug. I appreciated him telling me because it meant I never had to ask and risk rejection.

I always initiate. Usually non-verbally these days. One he said "come here" as we hugged, which felt amazing but I asked him not to do again because it's important i stay in control of it.

[DP_2017]

I assume just went for it is really not ok from a T standpoint

that being said, our hugs were started by him yes. He offered and kept offering until it got to a point where it was just regular/normal for both of us.

[Under*Over]

No. Ive had a couple touch me on the arm in passing. But beyond that no. I dont think Id be very... I think touch would be a bad idea for me. Im very fine with not being touched. I like that barrier there. Id be confused I think without it.

Im not against touch. It just scares me. It feels like its filled with good intentions but just... too likely to go wrong.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Hugging at the end of sessions was normal, unplanned, spontaneous, and a non-issue. I'm a hugger, so that was never a big deal.

Touch during sessions was a different matter. There were moments when my therapists initiated touch. They ALWAYS asked permission first because usually if they felt the need to initiate touch, something was going on that they needed to be sure that I realized (first of all) that they were about to touch me (for instance, if I was particularly dissociated or had my eyes closed). Or, sometimes the touch was in conjunction with something we were discussing and they were just being respectful in asking before doing. It wasn't something that was common during my sessions, so a bit of warning was needed. I didn't have a problem with being touched, but I did appreciate the warning. I didn't find it was something that made me particularly emotional; generally I was already emotional by that point.

[toomanycats]

We talked about it first. He was the one who originally said that he allowed hugs. It took me a long time to get there though - like a year.

[Salmon77]

My T has said that he never touches clients, ever. I know some people like hugs etc. but I'm fine with a no-touch rule.

I do think any T should probably discuss this sort of thing first and certainly not "just go for it". That sounds more like someone on a date deciding whether to kiss goodnight.

[Lemoncake]

We've talked about it an awful lot, but it's not something R believes in. The most I got to touch was accidentally bumping his hand on the way down his stairs.

[piggy momma]

I would love a hug from my T, and I've asked several times, but so far it's been a no go.

[nottrustin]

T initiated after we had been working together for a while. She asked me a few times if she could give me a hug and I always said yes. After a few times we just hugged at the end of each appointment.

With Emdr Tthe first few appointments she shook my hand. Then it stoppedwhich was fine with me. Then a few months ago as my appointment was ending she mentioned that we had talked at the previous appointment about hugging and so she gave me a hug. It was awkward because in my head I was thinking about that we had never discussed hugging she obviously had me confused with another client. Then the next we she gave me a hug again which again was awkward because I want expecting it. I was wondering who she had me mixed up with. It hasn't happened since. We have never discussed it. When I leave my appointments I long for Ts hugs. So I know she is open to hugs and think about bringing up the topic, but I am afraid of getting to close to her and becoming attached.

I brought up that if I disasociate one of the ways to bring me back is through touch as it worked with T. We discussed it and agreed she would tell me she was going to. That hasn't happened yet.

[healinginprogress]

She instinctively reached for me but stopped herself which lead to a discussion about how I would welcome touch from her. Which lead to her offering hugs and now she may offer occasionally but I take the lead more often in asking.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

No, my T has always said that he doesn't touch clients and thinks it interferes with therapy (apart from shaking hands). I am glad he has never tried to touch me, since that would remind me of a lot of traumatic things.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by darkside8

Asked? Discussed? Or just went for it?

How was that like?

.

Mine did. I was IP and she came and visited me. On her way out she goes "I know you are not a huggy person, but if you want a hug, I'll gladly give one." I decided I wanted one, so we hugged. We have hugged since then, almost at every appt, though it usually is her hugging me and me half-heartedly returning it. ha.

[TeaVicar?]

Never, which suits me just fine. Touch would add a whole other level of anxiety and complexity.

[Carmina]

Originally Posted by healinginprogress

She instinctively reached for me but stopped herself which lead to a discussion about how I would welcome touch from her. Which lead to her offering hugs and now she may offer occasionally but I take the lead more often in asking.

Mine reached out to me when I was really upset but because I startle easily and don't like sudden touch I instinctively and very quickly backed away, which freaked us both out. I think if I had been more prepared a part of me would have appreciated a hug but it was just a habitual reaction and tbh another part of me is worried about getting too close to her because of my feelings towards her so I have not asked for hugs.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I brought up the topic of touch day 1. It took me about 6 months to ask for a hug. Ever since, we hug after every session. It's mutual most of the time, but every once in a while she forgets and I have to ask. She never initiates.

I finally asked for a hug the first time at the end of year 1. After that one or the other of us would ask every now n then until at some point it just became automatic on my way out after a session.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

T initiates handshakes and, after I first asked for a hug, he would occasionally ask if I wanted one after a tough session. Now its just an every time thing so no one really initiates it. There have been a few times when I am particularly disconnected after a session though where he won't let go and encourages me to give him a real hug. Those moments usually end with me in tears but it's comforting to feel like he cares in those moments.

[MoxieDoxie]

Good God no. I would be way to self conscious that my hair smells or something if T hugged me. Hell no....most days I get out of bed put the same clothes I have been wearing for 2 days and off to work without showering.

[blackocean]

My t has touched me ‘platonically’ without asking

[Omers]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Good God no. I would be way to self conscious that my hair smells or something if T hugged me.

I totally worry about this too! But we do hug. All of my T’s have been open to a hug before I left (I am a hugger) at least the ones I liked enough to ask.
Current T is my first male T and I am a female with a history of being very afraid of men. So T kept his distance, never got between me and the door, never raised his hands above his waist. Then one session he got all antsy... he had to use the bathroom and worse (to him) the way we were there was no way to get there without walking close to me, trapping me in a corner and getting between me and the door. I told him I was OK, I was very comfortable with him. As he walked by he lifted his hand to put it on my shoulder but stopped himself and felt bad about not catching himself faster. At the end of the session I asked if he gave hugs and he lit up like a Christmas tree (he gets VERY excited over any kind of trust with me) and told me he loves giving hugs. Next session I was too scared of rejection to ask. So now he asks if I want a hug at the end of the session until last week. Last week he just opened his arms and I kinda plowed into him.
When we started EMDR he also asked if it would be OK to do tapping instead of eye movements which I was super excited about (the eye movements scare me but we had not talked about it). He was surprised but I let him know that seeing as I am OK with him touching me it is nice to have touch be a part of the healing process because it had been part of the abuse.
T also does a lot of experiential activities as part of therapy and I can see at least accidental touch happening there.
If he initiated any kind of touch with a client that had not initiated it previously I think he would be very cautious about it.
I love my hugs from T but do worry that I might smell funny or something. One I live on a farm and stuff happens but two I have always been self conscious of that anyway.

[MobiusPsyche]

I am not a huge hugger but would love to get one from T. She does not hug or touch as she thinks it interferes with therapy, with the client wondering why touch happened one time and not another time. She said she will hug on termination but I don't know if I'll ever terminate with her.

[junkDNA]

he's asked for a hug before. and rubbed my arm once on an airplane. but that's it. it would freak me out if he did anything more than that!

[SlumberKitty]

My former T asked if I wanted a hug maybe 2 years into seeing her. I didn't at that point and physically backed up about 3 feet. Then later on either she asked again, or I asked. After that if I asked she would give me one. Current T: the subject hasn't come up.