Couch 192: The Rainbow Cupcake Couch

Honestly I think right now I would make up a whole story just to freak him out a little bit.

Take as much time as you need. I honestly feel like being here makes me think of R MUCH more.

You're not whining you're ill and not well.

Go Red Soxs.

Hi Couch.

Feeling overwhelmed today. April is imminent, and the few things I rely on for support grind to a halt. It's only a week, but it feels really hard.

Also a friend shared something with me that I don't feel equipped to handle right now.

I emailed R this morning, before my friend told me. I feel like it was incoherent, and may make her feel guilty, but that was not my intention.

Thanks for sharing this.

Hey couchies! Another trip for T and another crappy fight with H. Stick a fork in me! And... to make it all worse... the whole time H is screaming at me, making it all my fault all I can hear is T telling me “my wife would kill me!” and my uh, well, moment of weakness and googling info on T... and T’s wife saying how awesome T was spending several hours on the couch watching a chick TV show with her and talking to her to understand why this show resonated with her so much.... yeh, that didn’t help... but ten points I kept my dang mouth shut and did not say anything about T to H... just curled up on the floor and cried (I was already well past my breaking point and had spent the day looking into inpatient programs so it isn’t like it took much to get me to crumble). Ugh. No T until Thursday.

This sounds awful. I don't know anything about your situation but I think that unless there's extreme provocation, spouses should not scream at each other. Maybe you can get an earlier appointment?

T is out of town until Tuesday for the wedding of a family member. I know if I called him he would return my call. If there was anything I thought he could do from where he is I would call but seeing as there really isn’t I am just going to wait until he gets home Tuesday. I see T weekly but am kinda permanently on his cancelation list because we are both realizing that once a week to once every ten days just is not enough with what I have going on.
The fight started because I said I needed more support because I am not doing well. He blamed T for making things worse which could not be farther from the truth. I reminded him of what happened the day before I started falling apart. . H and I had just spent all day discussing an inpatient option I want to go to for the PTSD of that (on top of the pre existing PTSD). I know H is feeling helpless (we tried police and the hospital for my son but cannot get him out of the house into a safe place) but he just doesn’t seem to think that my asking him t come with me to T is being supportive (OK so I am hoping that T modeling the things that make me feel supported would help) or prioritizing fixing my car and the stove... or even just doing his own laundry would be more supportive than working more hours. Hell, just as “what do you need to feel supported” then not doing it would be better than working more.

I'm sorry, Omers. That all sounds really horrible. Can your son be put in a group home or PRTF?

Hugs, Omers...also wondering about this re: group home or treatment facility. If he's special needs, he should be eligible for Medicaid and/or SSI, I think, which might cover the costs. Or even if you could get some sort of respite care.

He has had the funding approved for two years now. However, we can’t find a placement that will take him. All local (and by local I mean in a 4hr radius) hospitals are privatized and have the right to turn away clients they don’t feel would be a good fit. Every single one has black listed him. I know that sounds totally crazy and I get called a liar all the time. They will treat the physical SH but will not admit or deal with the mental health issues. Before he turned 18 DCS got involved because of his frequent ER trips but even CPS had a hard time placing him. They finally got one place to take him (it was horrible) but when he turned 18 that funding ended and they dropped him in our drive with more problems and a garbage bag of clothes that did not fit him. He now has adult funding but we have been looking for services since and can’t get follow through. The state said to take all his ID and drop him at a men’s shelter but make sure he has nothing that could identify who he is... so he would loose all of his medical records, go off all of his meds and we would never be able to know the outcome. Sadly we are almost to that point. He wants to go but he doesn’t understand that it isn’t like a hotel where you can go ask for a room. He begs for “Er”, “cops”, “jail”... when he self harms but they come and don’t take him or don’t keep him and he just goes right back to self harm the next day.

Sigh. I suggested we go for a hike today since the sun is out. You’d think from the response I got from the teens that I had suggested it would be great fun to clean grout.

Apparently I'm going to be hemorrhaging money between now and closing. Appraisal fees paid, inspection fee paid, rinse and repeat. The inspector only had concerns about the age of the HVAC system so otherwise it is a clean inspection report.

I hope I'm not bothering anybody but buying or selling a house is extremely stressful.

As a result of my rant about people buying local i have sourced milk from an independent farm and it taste better as it is not homogenised and its like when i was a kid and you got cream on the top.

BCM, when I was a child we always had a milk cow, and the cream on top of the milk was the best. I loved getting to help by skimming the cream off. It was so thick.

We eventually moved to another state (without the cow), and it took a long while to get used to drinking "store milk."

Unquestionably.

*****Trigger warning for suicidal talk******





I am having a hard time finding a reason to want to stay a live. I can find value in everybody’s life except for mine.

The BEST milk I ever had was when I rescued a horse who turned out to be pregnant. Just when she started weaning the filly I milked her just to try it... oh it was SO good! But raw cows milk works too... goats milk not so much.

We're in the process of selling. I'm tired of keeping my house perfectly clean and spraying febreeze over and over again to remove pet smells I can't even smell! I just want this place to sell and for us to move on. And the buyers are so annoying! Who hates an island in the kitchen?!?! Or they want us to upgrade the backyard...yeah right. We've already lowered the price by $30k and we're still offering a $10k credit to replace flooring throughout. Oh, and we're including ALL appliances (i.e. laundry and refrigerator).

Sorry. It's just frustrating.

I just read a thing for a call for study test volunteers to take mare's milk - but now i forget the rest.

Three of four teens agree, hiking is more fun than cleaning grout. (The fourth actually also agrees but had a headache.)

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Everyone had a pleasant non-grumbly time once they’d managed to detach their game controllers from their hands and arrived in the land of no wifi. It really was a gorgeous day. Fresh air and sunshine perked everyone up.

This helped me- imagine yourself as a little child. If you wouldn't hurt another why is it okay to hurt little you? You have value just because you exist.

What's going on in the background ?

I'm always around, crises are the worst but you will get through this.you can PM too if you'd prefer .

Hi Couch,

Today is not good. My shoulders are really hurting, like they haven't in a while. My friend's revelation yesterday shook me, at a time when I really don't need any further shaking.

This time of year really hurts. I've emailed R, but it's different in tone than usual. I hope she'll get that it's just because I'm scared.

Yes it is very frustrating. I don't know who could hate a kitchen island either! It's like hating an open floor plan...they're all over the place. The right buyer will come along. I hope they hurry the heck up for your sake!