Couch 192: The Rainbow Cupcake Couch

Just caved and went to the Dr for symptoms that I have had for several weeks now... she seems to think it could be pregnancy (not likely), pre diabetes (??) or something in my endocrine system... well thanks, that narrowed it down. We did however rule out sinus infection, strep and ear infection. *sigh*.

My older sister finally disowned me. She's hated me for a long time. She's actually disowned my mom's half of the family (she has a different dad than me and my younger sister). I don't know what set her off, but I'm guessing it's that no one told her about my nieces. Or that no one wants her to have custody of the girls. I'm both happy and sad. Oh, well. Life goes on.

No posts today? Or is Tapatalk just not updating correctly? Not used to the couch being so slow.

No posts as far as I can see. Until now of course

Hi everybody, I feel like I'm getting sick. My mom has had a cold for a few days now...since Saturday I think. So I'm not sure if I am getting that. I have a headache--not a migraine--and that's unusual. My joints hurt. I feel a little drainage, and basically feel a little under the weather. I have a random cough, but nothing much, it just feels like I could be getting sick. I'm pushing fluids (although thanks to my FitBit I'm already drinking 64+ ounces of water a day so I'm not sure how much more I can possibly drink. I already go to the bathroom like once an hour at work. I hope I'm not getting sick because I wanted to go to Disneyland this weekend, to just get away from everything but I don't know now whether to make plans or not. Germ Free Hugs to the Couch, Kit

My memory/brain/ mind idk what’s in charge of flashbacks decided to flash one of my major trauma in my mind while driving home from dropping kids off at school this morning. It’s been a while since I I have had one, but more importantly been so effected by a flashback. I can’t stop thinking about it. It sucks! And I am trying to distract myself from getting wrapped up in it.

Thanks! As soon as i wrote the post, that question occurred to me. But i was too lazy to look it up. Also i think i was pulling in the spelling of beautician, which was part of my vocabulary before dietitian ever entered it.

Last session, we were trying to suss out how I felt about having a longer break between sessions since we missed one last week. Sometimes it feels like that on my end the relationship still exists but that on his end it doesn't when we're apart. We often have to do therapy by multiple choice, and he was asking me how it felt. He asked if it felt like he didn't care about me or that "you're not important to me". He's told me more than once that he cares about me, so I don't doubt that at this point, but this thing about being important to him is a new one. My gut reaction was "of course I'm not important to you ". But he said it twice. I'm always so reticent to ask him what he means by things he says, so I didn't say anything, and now I'm left wondering what he even means by that. Maybe in my fantasy version of this relationship I'm important to him, but in reality I feel like maybe I'm important monetarily to him, but I also don't think he'd say that out loud to me even if it were true. I feel like the moment has passed and I can't ask him what he meant now. I've got to learn to speak in the moment.

I just drove to my office for a meeting. Haven't been here since October. I feel like a new hire haha

Hi couch peeps. Hugs to everyone. I haven’t read back much at all yet.
It’s been a week or so since I posted. So I did my 70 hour work week and lived to tell about it. I’m off today and trying to catch up on other stuff. I hired a cleaning lady to come tomorrow. Some of my overtime money is getting put to good use. During my work week I asked my husband to do one task. He didn’t do it and I felt it wasn’t a hard task. Alll I wanted him to do was ask anyone at his work if someone wants to
Make a few extra bucks to help him move some stuff out of the basement. I am willing to pay one of his coworkers $100.00 to help him move 4 things out of the basement that are heavy. I asked him yesterday if he made the announcement and asked anyone but he says he hadn’t and when I asked why he said he just didn’t. I don’t have a time
Frame for this job just when anyone is available to help. Okay whatever. Then I went to kohl’s today to buy some summer clothes. I thought I was doing so well on WW but it turned out that even though my clothes that I wear now have gotten loose, I still
Couldn’t size down buying new things. I’m so upset about it. I thought for sure I would be able to size down 1 size but that’s not the case. I’m so mad at myself. I’ve been working the program, got the system down, learned the ins and outs and the tips and tricks but nothing. I cried in the dressing room today.

I’m also getting ready to have some work done in my house and I’ll have to leave for a few days when it’s getting done. I know...I’m whining. Jersey shut the hell up. Who gives a crap. Go get some real problems.

Sorry for the interruption. Back to your regular scheduled program.. hugs.

HUGS Jersey, glad you made it through your 70 hour workweek!

Jersey - i buy most of my clothes online, but i think there has been major sizing slip again. What used to be size whatever, isnt anymore. Its the next size or two - i cant say up or down cuz this is where i get confused!

Rough session today. Spent last 20 minutes or so on therapeutic relationship stuff. It was painful and emotional. I mean, much of it was just facing hard truths, about nature of relationship, caring, boundaries, etc. May end up seeing him Friday again. He said at the end, "I hope you'll be OK. I really do." Because I'd been upset right till last moment. Then I had to walk out to a packed waiting room of people looking at me... (we'd met on the hour, usually meet on half hour so less crowded).

On a positive and somewhat confusing note, he'd saved a magazine with an article about autism and kids losing their diagnosis for me. He gave it to me at start of session and said I could keep it if I wanted.

I want to hope that clothes are just being made smaller now. All the people on the app post their non scale victory dressing room pictures and I was hoping that could have been me today and it wasn’t. I just want to go cry in a value meal or something but I won’t because that won’t solve anything. It was better to just come here, write it and see if it helps release some of the power out of it. Could have been worse today. I could have ended up needing a bigger size. So there’s that..I guess.

It depends so much on the brand and some brands vary based on style. I can be one of 4 different sizes in jeans, for example. Don't go so much by sizes. Plus sometimes it's more about body shape.

Jerse - i gave up my ww subscription but i have been pretty faithful to its tenets - ive found some meals that work, sized to neither undereat nor overeat (this was HUGE), pretty much stopped snacking, regular times BEFORE i get too hungry (also a big change for me), and the scale is starting to meander down. Just meander! I wonder if i can sell a plan with THAT idea?

Jersey--you're not alone. I don't do WW but I got a FitBit and have been faithfully exercising 5 or 6 days a week and getting my steps in etc. I went to the doctor and my weight was exactly the same as last time, even though my clothes feel a little roomier. I've been changing my diet too but obviously, not enough. It is very frustrating. HUGS to you! Kit

I’d purchase that plan.

Yes. So much of my weight is in my waist.

Your toning your body. Excellent.

sounds like my body type. Apples unite!

How does one reconcile the therapeutic relationship and its intimacy along with its limitations (and, I guess, benefits)? Shouldn't I have figured this out in my past 8+ years of therapy?

The way I see it, diet and exercise makes me HEALTHIER even if I don't lose any actual weight.

I thought you were just putting down dietitians by calling them nutritionists.

This, and roomier is good. Don’t focus on scale numbers, but on how your clothes fit.

Slow and steady wins the race, remember.