[Fuzzybear]

I don't believe in loving a therapist. They don't love us, so what's the point?

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))) I'm sorry you have had bad experiences with therapists. I hope you will find the right one when the time is right.

[Fuzzybear]

thanks (((((((((((((( wantto ))))))))))))))

[Gravity]

I went through that thought process myself. The whole "I PAY you to hear me/listen to me/spend time with me" was one of the hardest things for me to get past.

Now I kind of think that if he didn't care that he wouldn't still have me as a patient. I see it more as he cares for me medically rather than emotionally.

The love thing is hard for me to process as well. I don't love him and he doesn't love me. I think my mind is just too logical to allow the corrective emotional experience to occur. I think too much rather than feel.

[Fuzzybear]

I know what you mean, if anyone reads "Against therapy" they might see where I'm coming from. Do they really care? In most cases, no. They don't care any more if we don't get better quickly enough or don't say the right things and be appreciative enough of them and not demanding. Good T's do care medically, I agree (and then there are the T's I saw who didnt even care medically ......)

That book "Against therapy" is one of the few reasons I'm still alive And not a complete basket case (although some may disagree with the latter statement ....)

[MissCharlotte]

(((Fuzzy)))

[jacq10]

I always say, that you can't choose who you love. Whether that be a significant other, friend, or therapist. Unfortunately, some of those relationships make it more difficult because that same level of love may not be reciprocated ... but either way, its a learning process. I don't think anyone makes a conscious decision to "love" their T ... it just happens- as with any other relationship in life.
I'm sorry if you have felt hurt by relationship(s) with your T(s)'s ... but they are ordinary people after all, and i do believe that a connection with a T isn't only one-sided. No, maybe not a completely mutual relationship, but I find it hard to believe someone can develop such connections if the other person doesn't at least care for them in some way.

[toffeellen]

well, crushes are exactly that sort of strong unrequited feeling.

its really hard to get so much attention yet with nothing else, not even a friendship behind it.

[Fuzzybear]

Thank you sister, jacq and toffeellen

I do believe that my T cared about me - however, the fact is that he only met with me because I paid him.

When I could no longer pay, due to financial changes, it was over (after many years).

This pain is up there with the biggest grief issues of my long life. I learned a lot in therapy, but I would give that all up, to have not experienced this pain and disillusionment. I trust no one...just like when I started out in therapy.

Just be careful.

Campy

[ECHOES]

The commitment they make to learning how to help us is huge, in time and financially and personally. They have chosen the profession because of their deep concern for others and they offer that to their clients in a therapeutic yet personal way.

It can be so hard to accept. Sometimes it's easier to beleive it isn't there at all.

I can't think of a more caring profession. I can't imagine loving people in general and wanting to help anyone who comes and says simply "help me please" so much that they are willing to invest so much of themselves to be able to do that.

I love my T because I choose to allow that, to be open to it. I need and want that relationship. It is like nothing else I've ever experienced.

You deserve to have a loving T Fuzzy and I hope you keep trying til you find one that you can feel this with. You deserve to keep looking, to keep trying.

It took me many years and many tries and now I've found what I've wanted for so long. There were times I didn't believe it was out there for me. Luckily I was encouraged to keep trying. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

[Fuzzybear]

I do know how you feel about disillusionment, I saw a T for quite a long time too (and for far too long after the T turned mean ...) It was extremely damaging to my trust which was already one of my main issues
grrrrrrrrr And at least one other T seemed to care.... until I %#@&#! her off by not being the perfect patient Trouble was she reminded me of my stepmother, so that therapy was probably doomed from the start

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( ECHOES ))))))))))))))

[Rapunzel]

(((((((((( Fuzzy ))))))))))))

You know, I really hurt for you. I am sorry that you have been hurt like you have. Trusting again is so hard.

I know what you think about my T. I have even posted and talked to you about struggling to trust her, and sometimes thinking that she hates me, or at least doesn't like me. I guess I'm learning something, finally. It's becoming clear that she really does care about me. I was always able to see that she cared about someone else, and I was envious and wanted her to care about me like that. Those feelings are not so much about T not caring, but about me not being able to feel cared about. There are many reasons for not being able to feel cared about, most having to do with being hurt or smothered or controlled, or having grown up with unmet needs. So we protect ourselves by not letting people get too close.

Our defenses keep us from feeling as vulnerable, but they also keep us feeling alone and unloved. It makes me sad that so many of us do that.

I don't think that all of the therapists I went to loved me or cared about me. Some of them never understood me and didn't help. But it is different with this one. She cares, and maybe even loves me. Even when she is mad at me, it is because she cares about me getting better, and she feels hurt when I don't get something that she thinks I should be getting by now, or sees me continuing the same patterns that are problems for me. If she didn't care, then why waste all that effort getting mad? Do you get mad at people you don't care about, or those that you do care about? When you get mad, you care about someone or something quite intensely.

I can also tell you that I care about the people I work with, and always have, and always will. I would even say that I love them. Even though it is a job and how I make my living, the feelings are very real. I would not stay in the kinds of jobs that I have had if I didn't care. Often I stay in bad employment situations that hurt me, because of my love for the people I work with.

The work that therapists do is hard, and it costs them. Some are better than others, but it is a profession that is all about relationships and love and caring.

(((((((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))))))))

I know that you have been hurt badly, and it is hard for you. I hope that you will be able to find help and tol feel love in the process.

Love,
Rap

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks so much Rap, I don't say often enough how much I appreciate you and your friendship
(((((((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))))))))

love always,
Fuzzy

[SweetCrusader]

My therapist says that she loves me, and I believe her. I don't think she would ever lie to me.

I think that, like all other people and all other relationships, some T's are more caring than others. I think that's just as much about them and their own hang-ups as it is about us and ours. Love really is more than just a one-directional thing, imho. It's created by a lot of different forces between two people- your attachment history, t's attachment history, your ability to give and receive, t's ability to give and receive, the compatibility of your personalities, and the compatiblity of both of your goals and ideals about healing.

Fuzzy, maybe your T isn't the right T for you. Or maybe you're still learning how to feel loved ((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))))))


SC

[winterbaby]

Oh god it's hard isn't it. why do we love them. Because it's human nature, someone listening to us, giving us their full attention, helping us through crises. What is there not to love. Sorry you're hurting right now.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( SweetCrusader ))))))))))))))


(((((((((((((((( winterbaby )))))))))))))))


Thank you both