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  #726  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 04:57 PM
Anonymous42961
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now the clinic phones arent even ringing at all. or it could be phone. i woke to find that several apps had disappeared or totally reset themselves
Reset my phone apps are back but clinic still ot responding
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  #727  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 05:01 PM
Anonymous42961
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now more stupid anxieties are coming up with clinic phones, anxieties about being good and seen as a responsible person.
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  #728  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 05:01 PM
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Aww. L wished me a happy 4 year anniversary. That actually meant a lot to me. I know I wish it was T, but I'll take it from L seeing how the situation is.
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  #729  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 05:03 PM
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i am keeping the stupid appointment as i have now worked myself into a state.
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  #730  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 05:43 PM
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I feel really sad after today's session. To be fair, I felt sad before I went. It was a good session and I think I'm sad because it didn't feel like long enough and because he made me feel accepted today and I want more of that.
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  #731  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 05:44 PM
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unaluna unaluna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker View Post
i am keeping the stupid appointment as i have now worked myself into a state.
Let us know how you survive it
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  #732  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 05:58 PM
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susannahsays susannahsays is offline
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Would texting the therapist that I hate her guts be crossing the line?
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  #733  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 06:01 PM
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I think it might be a bad thing to do. She's out of town visiting her mom who is not recovering from an operation she had 3 weeks ago very well. The rehab she is in apparently does not even have bedpans. So maybe I should not act out...
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  #734  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 06:04 PM
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This is a manipulative ploy by the therapist's mother to control me.
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  #735  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 06:05 PM
ArtleyWilkins ArtleyWilkins is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I think it might be a bad thing to do. She's out of town visiting her mom who is not recovering from an operation she had 3 weeks ago very well. The rehab she is in apparently does not even have bedpans. So maybe I should not act out...
Yeah, that would be incredibly poor form.
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  #736  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins View Post
Yeah, that would be incredibly poor form.
I just want to be a selfish asshole sometimes. But I'll stick to the Dear T thread...
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  #737  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 06:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
This is a manipulative ploy by the therapist's mother to control me.
SOOOOO obvious!

Honestly, i love the way your mind works.
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  #738  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 06:21 PM
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Currently drinking scotch and switching between playing Zelda on the Switch and creating a presentation on the ocular manifestations of syphilis.

My life is weird sometimes.
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  #739  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 06:30 PM
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There should be crisis lines or text services for when the therapist you usually see isn't available (or won't respond!) and you need somebody to act out at.
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  #740  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 08:06 PM
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This video made me sad.
French citizens sing together on the street near Notre-Dame Cathedral ablaze in Paris : HumansBeingBros
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  #741  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 08:20 PM
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I know, they closed the news tonight with a clip like that. So touching.
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  #742  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
There should be crisis lines or text services for when the therapist you usually see isn't available (or won't respond!) and you need somebody to act out at.

Or perhaps if you want to act out at someone but don't want to actually contact your T. I kind of wanted to say FU to a couple things T said today, even though I realize they were intended to help me and difficult things I had to think about. But it would be nice to be able to sort of tell someone off in response to them.
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  #743  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 08:33 PM
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Yes, that's the idea. I don't want to text the therapist because she's dealing with her mom being unwell and I'm not quite horrible enough to send her a nastygram while she's away doing that.

But... it will probably be on like Donkey Kong when she gets back. Maybe. Probably. Maybe.
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  #744  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 09:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Or perhaps if you want to act out at someone but don't want to actually contact your T. I kind of wanted to say FU to a couple things T said today, even though I realize they were intended to help me and difficult things I had to think about. But it would be nice to be able to sort of tell someone off in response to them.
Do you have a stuffed animal you can talk to or yell at when you get this way? Letting the thoughts/feelings out could help, even if its not with T.
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  #745  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 09:38 PM
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OMG crashing so hard. Hate myself so much for not accepting T today. Now I have to wait a week and then he is gone a week. H tried to be supportive when I first got home but then got S*tty... so I let him cool off and then curled up next to him on the couch. He didn’t move, didn’t even acknowledge me. OMG this feels aweful. I hope I didn’t make T feel that way... but I know T knows I am trying. I haven’t been this low in a long time. I tried breathing and grounding, didn’t work worth a damn... I still couldn’t reach him. Sent T the usual after session report... he has never heard me like the email I sent. I don’t know if he will respond or not.
When I tried to talk to T about the visualizations of him being violent with me his response confused me. He said he perceives me in therapy like a little kid in a candy shop overwhelmed by all the options and everything around them and I get so excited. WTH does that have to do with “seeing” him hit me in the grocery store??? Granted it’s true, that IS my safe place and the closest thing I have to happy. But if that is true then why is my brain trying to make me think he is going to violently hit me?
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  #746  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 09:50 PM
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another quiet house evening... h had a long-distance job earlier and now he's playing in a poker tournament at one of the local casinos. i started working on my extra credit report about the field trip yesterday, did some laundry, now I'm going to go take a hot bath and light some candles and relax for awhile. night coucharoonios.
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  #747  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 09:56 PM
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I think I messed up with back up T already. I'm so mad at myself because he seems like a great T for me, when he finally gets on my insurance, I had every intention of "switching T's" so to speak...

But I did something stupid. I saw him Wed and he had mentioned EMDR. He said he wasn't trained in it but anyway that evening I sent a brief email to him asking if he could recommend someone for it or if he planned to get trained for it at some point. No reply.

I wouldn't be concerned except that even before he met me, he was fantastic at emails. I'm not bothering him much, I just thought it was a legit question to ask since he brought it up. Now I am worrying (stupid anxiety) that I've already become too much and annoyed him and will have to keep looking for a T... sigh....

On the plus side of my crap life, I get to pet sit my former foster dog starting tomorrow for 3 days! I love seeing him.
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  #748  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 10:21 PM
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atisketatasket atisketatasket is offline
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Somewhat upsetting writer’s workshop tonight. The writer of the piece I was having trouble critiquing over the weekend—well, it was about an abusive relationship. I made the point the characters were in danger of being one-dimensional (villain husband, heroic wife) and that upset the writer. So she jumped on me because of course the story was autobiographical and said she knew what she was talking about because she’d been abused herself.

I feel terrible for triggering her like that. I clearly wasn’t diplomatic enough, plus she’d already been hearing critiques for an hour by that point and was probably feeling sensitive.
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  #749  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 10:28 PM
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Not your fault. But it would be unsettling to have someone come after you like that. If one is going to be in a writing workshop, even if the writing is autobiographical, rather than group therapy, one is going to have to learn to listen and not react. She is going to have to learn at some point that just because something happened or if she knows about a subject, that is not enough to make it good writing.
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Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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  #750  
Old Apr 15, 2019, 10:41 PM
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CantExplain CantExplain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
Somewhat upsetting writer’s workshop tonight. The writer of the piece I was having trouble critiquing over the weekend—well, it was about an abusive relationship. I made the point the characters were in danger of being one-dimensional (villain husband, heroic wife) and that upset the writer. So she jumped on me because of course the story was autobiographical and said she knew what she was talking about because she’d been abused herself.

I feel terrible for triggering her like that. I clearly wasn’t diplomatic enough, plus she’d already been hearing critiques for an hour by that point and was probably feeling sensitive.
Most of the problem is hers.

It occurs to me that an abusive relationship makes one-dimensional characters out of us all. That perhaps is the essence of abuse.
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