Dear T: I really need to tell you something XL

I kinda wish you'd reply to Monday's email already to confirm tomorrow's morning session. But ho hum I know you'll turn up anyway.

Agreed on all counts. Re: health clinic and emergency contraception (I think you can take that a couple days after). They can also give high-dose antibiotics by injection that could prevent certain STIs from developing (like chlamydia or gonnorhea). I know you're in a different country, but where I am, you can just get the contraception from a pharmacy without a prescription.

@captgut, you don't have to answer this guy. You can block him. Screw him. I'm sorry this happened to you. Is there a sexual assault crisis line that you can call to get some more information to protect your health and get some support?

Never mind the previous emails. You’re obviously too busy to reply back.

I don’t want any more therapy and I’m not going to stop acting out either.

Last night was productive. We dug pretty deep, I felt safe and stayed present, I cried and you I am pretty sure cried a bit. I felt so comfortable and supported that I even asked YOU for a hug instead of the other way around. The only people I ask for a hug are my best friend and my husband and children. It was HUGE since the topic we were discussing is directly related to my abandonment issues. Usually I push away or at least feel horrible I certainly never would have asked for a hug. Today I am feeling very emotional and cant stop these horrible thoughts and memories. I tried to text this morning and haven't heard back. I hate that the nature of our relationship is just 1 hour a week. I know you care but this feeling alone sucks.

I miss you damit. Come back from holiday! Wednesdays suck without you

Feeling really fragile at the moment, on the verge of losing my words.

You know what? You f*** with my head. F*** you.

The answer to that question you asked me last summer I think it was? Is, yes. Apparently so.

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Why is it I can go from feeling optimistic at one moment to feeling so pathetic and horrible less than 24 hours later. Thanks a lot.

My t seems totally different. I just can't stop pushing people away. I have NO hope and I want to have no hope. I don't want to wish for a better future only to never get it. I t has to be me, I am the common denominator that makes relationships go sour. OR makes people hate me. This time, I am devastated, my T is acting different. I don't know if I just need to leave everyone alone. Maybe I deserve this, maybe I don't. I think everybody should leave me along so they don't get the negative curse I have on me. . .

Thank you for being more clear and direct today about the dropping our Friday session. It's comforting to know that it's only temporary until the fall and that you want to go back up to 5 days at that time if I still want to at that time. It made me feel like you haven't given up on me.

Despite the email if you do call me. I will pick up.

I don't know if bother reading my texts anymore but the one I sent today has me feeling a lot better. I have a sneaky suspicion you do read them just in case I say something about sui and you might need to cover yourself

I'm starting to think the increased frequency of nightmares isn't because of antidepressants. So it might be the stuff we dredge up during sessions.

I have all this drama in my life right now and I wish you weren’t on vacation. It will probably have subsided by the time I see you in a week. So I get to endure it in my own which kind of sucks. I can totally do it, but it sucks.

Hey T,
So you know when I emailed you that my "GAF drawer was completely empty" and I was tired of everything? I now realize I did that while I had a raging migraine. Which I got because of lack of sleep and I didn't eat. So I guess my self-care drawer was empty, too.
Sorry for bothering you.
You haven't responded yet and you normally do within less than 24 hrs. Don't know what's up. You didn't tell me about any vacations. My anxious mind keeps thinking there's been a tragic accident or something...

I am in a lot of agony. I deserve it. I did things wrong. I keep texting you. I wish I could have been normal, to have a normal life, bit I don't. I am tired of my varyings ****ed up diagnoses I have. Thanks toall who have helped me.

Thanks for today. Thanks for the hugs. I love you

I hope you're ready for me today. No more temper tantrum, I promise.

I guess you are just going to ignore my text??? Lovely. 1 step forward 1 step backwards. I know you are busy with other clients and your family, but really??

Dear T,
Were you wiping away tears today, like when I was really upset at one point? It certainly looked like it. I guess, like you said some time ago, that I do in fact affect you.
Love,
LT

Thanks for the call but it was a little late.

Missing you terribly at the moment. Wish I could just sit on your lap and cuddle again. I'd settle for holding hands though.