Couch 196: Cinnamon Swirls

I was watching liezl on youtube last night, we eat the same 15 things every week, and i am 4 times bigger than she is. There is no such thing as physics. Or justice.

It's so good to be back on the Couch. I lost the ability to post for a little while...no idea why.

Maybe you're going to bed too early. Sounds like you went to bed around 8pm. That's quite early - in the summer, it wouldn't even be dark by then.

I got myself a used vacuum chamber sealer to help with sous vide. I am very excited.

I'll hop in!

Hi Couchies. I didn't relapse on SH yet. It still feels like its coming and it's unavoidable/inevitable, but maybe I can stick it out. I'm really trying but boy, like can really kick you when you're down. Doing some work this morning. It's supposed to rain here later. It would have been a perfect day to stay home and wrap up in a blanket and watch murder mystery shows or something but I did the adult thing and came to work. Bleh. My sister's children keep wanting to be grown ups and I keep telling them, no you don't. Being a grown up sucks. It's not all it's cracked up to be, but they don't believe me. HUGS KIt

Going back to a Pdoc I saw many years ago. Today I have to re-do the intake paperwork. I printed two copies of some pages. I know her office manager does not have much of a sense of humor but she does... so one set will be for the file and one set will be for laughs between us. I hope she hasn’t changed much in 3 years.

Hang in there Kit! Sometimes it is one day at a time, sometimes it is one hour at a time and sometimes it is just for this moment... they all add up to success no matter how small a bite you need to break it down to! Hugs!

Happy to oblige.

New cat lost the wrestling--it is breezy here and the packing paper attacked her. I think she is hiding under the couch.

Session today was relatively light, albeit quite rushed. Not sure why I feel flattened by it.

I was watching a youtube of a tiny persian kitty afraid of her shadow, which was right beneath her. Poor lil kitty kept jumping straight up in the air

Strike one on my economics professor--announced the course site was ready this morning. It isn't. Nothing on the site opens till the 20th, when the term starts, or we need a code for it that hasn't been provided. Plus I can see some old discussion posts and announcements from an earlier version of the course, taught by a different professor.

Seriously? It is not that hard to be prepared and organized.

Couchies, being home with my parents is so weird and hard. It’s the first time I’ve been home since I got really sick and it just highlights how much I’ve changed. It’s awful.

I'm sure that's true. I'm just bored and tired.

This has happened to me before from sessions that seemed light. Sometimes they aren't as light as they initially seem...

Played (on my phone) a song for T today, and it went...surprisingly well, considering all the caveats he gave about it last session (and a couple at the beginning today). Perhaps it helped to have my expectations at zero, maybe negative numbers? Had a good discussion about the song--he picked a lyric he thought likely had meaning to me, and he was right, even though it's not the most straightforward lyric--and also about expression through art in general.

OTOH, its great that you can see how much youve changed, and how they just stay the same. That always meant to me, ive put money blood sweat and tears to be who i am today, and theyve just sat on their butts, so i am NOT going BACKwards to where they are, wtf.

Thanks i only have my 2 daughters and my ex and I have started my self hypnosis again.

I did not sleep well and have had to get up an hour earlier for this appt. I just took half a valium in anticipation. The cats are delighted as they have been fed earlier I hope they don't wake me tomorrow expecting the same thing. The dog is annoyed because the sun isn't up. I feel ok atm

That's the hardest bit I think remembering to breathe.

I hope I don't cry. I have very rarely cried in front of my gp besides when I was really depressed but the past couple of days I just burst into tears over everything. The cats knocked their tower over for the umpteenth time which never bothers me but i was sitting on the floor sobbing plus I little traits of ocd flaring up all the cutlery has to nestle together which is instantly ruined when you close the drawer.

It's OK to cry. I cried in front of my p-doc a week ago, which I rarely do. I cried on the phone in the session with my T's backup T when he was on vacation (because I was really struggling that week). And I told T that I don't bother wearing eye makeup to session,because I know I'll likely cry.

On becoming more social. Is it better to push your self and be miserable and radiate your discomfort to others or say something along the lines of I am not feeling well or just not say anything. I am surprised by the response I got from the fb art group because the guy who does them on yt talks a lot about his depression and anxiety and a large amount of people were supportive because they suffer too but prior to this no one had said a word about their mental health.
There's a girl in my art class who is even more shy than I am I can at least speak up and ask questions.

One of our ex prime ministers has died. I forgot he held a world record for beer drinking. Guinness world record 1954 A yard of beer in 11 seconds

Really all I want to know from ex t is why he didn't understand I got angry and made a mistake. I am leaning towards it's his problem, but I just him to be honest because they expect honesty from our side.