Couch 196: Cinnamon Swirls

Came upon a nice “couch” while on my Daily Mood-Lifting Walk.

I think my state is drunk. It snowed last night...at the end of May. I'm sure it'll melt by the end of the day but ugh.

I've been lurking mostly, just having a really rough time lately. Trying to hang in there. It's almost the end of the school year for my kids, and my oldest is "graduating" elementary school next week. Lots of feelings for me from it. Gotta go deal with family therapy with my son's T at his school this morning.

My dad said every year that he remembered it snowing on Memorial Day!

Just had a somewhat promising conversation with a family on the phone. We will set a time to meet in person. Hopefully it will turn into an offer. She was very kind on the phone. Talked to me with respect and dignity. Says she wants a nanny to become like family. Those are the best kids to work for-the ones who don’t treat you like the hired help. I can’t wait to meet them.

So beautiful!

Hugs @Lemoncake. That sounds like a really tough session. I can't imagine what he was trying to achieve by not saying anything to you.

I thought it might be a new T trick (manipulation) or maybe it's just me. I'm not going to email him or see him again for now.

How was your session yesterday?

Hi everyone, feeling fragile today. 4 more days until I see T. HUGS Kit

Just as an outside observer, it sometimes feels like you two have hit an impasse in your relationship. I wish you could meet him in person. Sitting in the same room with someone allows for something different to take place, in my opinion.

It went okay. I still feel a bit closed off from him, but we discussed it and I cried a lot. He said he's still there and he's not going anywhere and the connection still exists even if I'm having trouble feeling it. He also talked about how we probably need to spend more time validating the abusive things that happened in my relationship and it does feel like I might need more of that. I sent him a pathetic email after session but he didn't respond.

Sending you safe hugs.

My mom just texted, she's in LAS waiting for her 2nd flight to here.

Me, I'm sitting on a park bench mid-walk with my finger hovering over the send button on L's number but I just can't do it.

If you're okay with not seeing her there isn't a must Artie. It'll get done when it gets done.

I'm around if you want to talk.

Depending on your T's school I think a transitional object could help, with the connection between sessions, but I don't think emailing after session is pathetic. I think he just hasn't had the chance to reply yet.

There's nothing wrong with validating the abuse but you don't have to go through it all in one go- it's okay to take baby steps with it and to go at your own pace.

Perhaps we have hit a plateau.My sister is most likely coming to my school in september, but she needs to come in on the 5th of june. I have to travel back to the house the day after my exam to collect her and I would have a few days there around 3, so I was hoping to see him in real life.

Thats not it - she wants to, she just wont let herself. I dont understand it, but then i am self-indulgent to a fault.

Hmmm that makes sense.

You don't have to post to this but- what's really holding you from calling?

I had too much ice cream yesterday too. but i'm a sit on the fence kind of gal and try to not say do this or that.

Yep, exactly that I want to but can't let myself. But I don't understand why. It's just L for heaven's sake.

I walked for 3/4 of a mile then back at home promptly fell asleep. It's almost time to go to the airport now to pick up my mom. The walking did clear my head some.

Hope you have a good visit with your Mom @ArtieSwimsOn

I'm kind of like that with former T right now too. I want to email her but I'm not letting myself. Though I might since this SH relapse. But I don't know because I'm still in the middle of it. Usually I would write her towards the beginning or middle of the month, but I did email her three times last month (bad me) and texted her once (very bad me). I guess part of me is trying to give her a break from me and try to rely more on current T. But current T isn't as good. No one is as good as former T, imho.

@ArtieSwimsOn how are the shingles?

Oh wow the thread that I thought was a goner just from the title is still open and the conversation on there is still respectful and constructive (as far as I read). Maybe the new PC colours have a calming effect on everyone.

I was adopted by my parents when I was a week old. The date was always acknowledged but not celebrated like a birthday would be. I guess what I'm saying is that it's a date I remember and my parents remember. I've been seeing so much stuff lately in the lead up to Father's Day this year and since this is the first year without him, it's stinging a little bit. I was curious what day it's on this year. It's on June 16, which is the day I was adopted, so it's quite literally the day my father became my father. I'm having some feels about this.

I’m wondering if your mother’s visit has anything to do with the impulse to call Lucrezia.

Lemon—Sitting on the fence, you fall. Staying in the middle of road, you get run over.

It is so cold here today that I have a sweat shirt and sweat pants on and have had to close all my windows

I'm sorry to hear that. It's approaching 100 in these parts. I have no recollection of spring, it's already summer?