Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

I'm so depressed tonight when I should be happy. L gave me a beautiful scarf and another hug on Friday. I gave her a little necklace and a scarf I crocheted. Everything was awesome. I actually felt joyful...until I realized that this is all going to end in 3.5 months and L won't be my therapist anymore. And it breaks my heart. I HATE attachment. I HATE my feelings. I'm hurting so much. I bawled myself to sleep last night, tears throughout the day, and now every time I close my eyes to sleep, I cry again. I'm tired of life. Everyone I care about leaves me. Why can't they stay? Why can't I hold onto the joyful feelings? This is why I didn't want to get attached. It's just too painful. I like L too much.

I really want to go back and it frustrates me that I can't and the only way I can deal with this frustration is to persist in asking to come back. I just want to be safe again.

I feel your pain

We are having thunderstorms again. The farmers around here are having a terrible year - so much rain they can't plant and what they did plant has washed/ been flooded away.

Well, the government does heavily subsidize insurance for farmers. So there's that. Hopefully they will be ok even if the yields are terrible.

I am on vacation and I am not having a good time. I should be. I have a lovely room and bathroom all to myself. King bed, balcony, mini fridge/freezer, microwave, etc. Finally can control the thermostat and am liberated from the tyranny of my roommate who thinks 74°F is a reasonable temperature in both the summer and winter (and my room gets 1-4 degrees hotter than the thermostat says in the summer). I should be very pleased. But both my ears are infected. Started antibiotics yesterday. The worst part isn't the ear pain. It's the headache. I was worried that flying was going to be painful (I hadn't gone to the doctor yet, but was pretty sure they were infected), but it wasn't too bad. Actually, the initial ear popping and clearing felt like it relieved some of the pressure.

Anyway, I was hoping that this would be like other infections and I would start feeling better soon after starting the antibiotics. So far, no luck.

Pity party over for now. Just needed to whine here a bit since I don't want to impose that on the family members on vacation with me.

From a student perspective, I like canvas more than blackboard. My least favorite has been moodle. However, I think some of my perception may reflect more on certain professors than the actual platforms. I'm not sure how much control you can exert over the way things are displayed. I just noticed that the blackboard courses looked more sloppy, haphazard, were less intuitive, and more difficult to navigate than the canvas courses. The moodle course was basically a shitshow.

I loathed Moodle. I do agree Canvas looks better—but ultimately I think with Blackboard it comes down to how organized the professor is and how much effort they put into the course site design. Canvas requires less work to organize (unless the people who transfer your old Blackboard site to Canvas mess it up).

Other story I have out accepted. Better press.

Guess I need to work on the stories in progress or that need revision now.

Congratulations, ATAT.

I'm in the middle of research for my latest project, or trying to be. Why the heck do you lose access to all of the research databases and such after you are no longer studying? Frustrating.

Congratulations ATAT.

We are moving from blackboard to something but I don't remember what it is.

Arthur! Arthur!

Yay well done @@!

Can we now say that we knew you first before you became famous?



My first uni had blackboard, my second uses moodle + some departments have their own website.

If you find L helpful perhaps you still see her as a back up whenever original T goes on a break?

Congrats, @@!

Way to go ATAT.

Couch question. You'd originally scheduled your session for a day later than usual (due to attending a concert), but quite early in the morning (due to daughter's school schedule). You ask your T if he can see you on your usual day, if he has any times available. Your T says he has a funeral that day and isn't sure of his exact schedule, but would be able to see you. You say that you feel bad asking him to come in, but he said he wouldn't have offered if he wasn't OK with it. Bonus: There's a potentially emotion-filled concert the night before that rescheduled session would be (as in, the same band at the same venue that led you to email your former marriage counselor feelings of love a year and a half ago, which ultimately was the death knell for the relationship). In other words, not sure how well I'll be dealing the morning after the concert. Is it OK to take your T up on his offer to see you the day of the funeral? (No clue how he knows the deceased.)

Good job, ATAT!

I won’t consider myself famous till I have a story in the New Yorker (an ultimate goal, and one I may never meet, but plan to have fun trying).

Is that two stories now? You're on a roll!

Yeah, but I don’t have any more ready to send out just now. That’s next up.

I woke this morning feeling incredibly weak. Even cleaning the litter box nearly did me in. I have the house inspection this morning and one of the cats is being extra enthusiastic and I have litter on the other side of the bathroom.
I also had a bad dream about exT.

If he says he is ok with it take him up, coming from a T who would never do anything like that I say do it.

If he said he can see you, and you feel you need to go then it’s fine to take his offer. It’s not your job to take care of the therapist. It doesn’t matter his relationship (or lack of) to the deceased. If he couldn’t see you he would say he’s unavailable. So yes, if you need the session then take the offer to go.

I left work at 12 noon, came home and slept. I could just not do a full day today. I was so exhausted literally to the point that I felt like I couldn’t stand on my own 2 feet. I slept a few hours this afternoon and feel better.

I wouldn't... even if they said ok, he might feel that if he had said no, it would upset you more.... mentally they might not be on the top of their game after a funeral. You will likely be curious more about it and possibly say or ask something to make him uncomfortable. Doing "special" things for clients, is no longer something I'm a fan of, even if it seems awesome at the time....

Try to go to the concert without the "potentially emotionally filled" mindset. If you go, just thinking of the concert and try to enjoy yourself, you may not at all, but if you go thinking that, it's like a self fulfilling prophecy type thing.

Even if it is emotional, emotions pass, you can get through it. Friday would be there before you know it and you would have had a day to sit/think through it more before discussing anything and maybe there will be nothing to discuss. You might just have an awesome time