Couch 198: All the Countries Couch

Okay, need some help/advice. I have given L four gifts: a scarf, a pendant, and two books. Total, I spent maybe $30. I asked her if I could give her more gifts within a reasonable cost. She said she was hesitant and had to think about it. So here's my problem: why does she think she knows better about me than I do? Why does she get to determine if gifting is a good thing or a bad thing for me? Can't I decide that for myself? She said she liked the other gifts. Why does this have to be a big deal? I told her that if she rejects my gifts, I feel like she's rejecting me: a part of me that I actually like. And I told her gifting is one of my "love languages". And she knows I care about her and she said she cares about me. I also told her that because I only have four more months with her, I'm gifting more frequently. I really only want to gift her maybe two more gifts. One is the therapist survival kit and the other would probably be a glass painting. The survival kit costs maybe $10? The painting maybe $10 too?

How do I address gifting with L? I want to tell her straight up, but my H says I'm sounding really mean. I don't mean to be mean, but I do question why she and everyone else (T, ex-T, H, dad, etc) seem to think they know what's best for me.

I know if my T knew how much I spent on materials for the project I gifted him he would be uncomfortable... thankfully it falls under home made and he has no clue. For both T and Pdoc it just comes down to an ethics thing... the “rule book” says it is a no no and they need to remain professional and follow the rules.
I know my T especially struggles with it because he would like me to do more projects for him. He loves the one he has and other clients have found it beneficial as well. But, it is extremely important to him that neither one of us ever feel as though I have been taken advantage of nor can it be perceived that way by others. I haven’t pushed it as I don’t have the time right now but I see myself pushing it in the future.

Maybe it’s not that they think they know what’s best for you, but that they know what’s best for them and their ability to work with you. Maybe she’s uncomfortable with the gift-giving and is afraid it will compromise her ability to work with you in some way.

I have survived the weekend. With or without SH is a different story. I wanted to break H's hand this morning if that tells you how my day started. I haven't called T and last time I talked to him was on Friday when he called me. I'm not sure what is going to happen at my session tomorrow evening. I'm nervous already wondering.
I was going to text him tomorrow morning but for a simple scheduling question that can't wait until the evening. I found 2 therapists for my son, and 1 only works on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He only has 1 slot open on Tuesday at 4pm which is the same time I see my T. I would like to at least meet him and let my son meet him to see if it's worth changing my schedule around to work with his schedule. There is another T and I set a time for my son to meet him too. Do people usually interview multiple Ts or just go for the first one? I really don't want to adjust my therapy schedule but I want my son to have a good T. I'm torn on what to do and I already scheduled with one on Tuesday evening this week.

The kids' dad is gone, delivering middle boy to a dance program in another state, so the other boys and I got up this morning, threw some food in the lunch cooler, and drove the dog to the beach. Happy dog. Happy kids.

Eldest son sat in front with me, and asked if he could play his music for me, and I groaned inwardly because teenager music. He had it on random selection, and here's who we listened to, that I remember: Earth Wind and Fire, Bon Jovi, Elton John, Frank Sinatra, Toto, Coldplay, George Michael, lots of Queen, and some pretty good songs from people I'd never heard of.

I only vetoed one song, barking dogs yiping out some tune.

This is a formula that is true by definition, but it is useless as a guide to policy.

You also have to say, "Get out of my light!" to Alexander the Great.

This is the "Mother Knows Best" principle. Very popular among therapists!
But motherhood comes with responsibilities as well as privileges.

I want to know what my T did with the cricket book I gave him did he put in the bookshelf in the waiting room, or in his room, or did he take it home?

He's got great taste! He can ride in my car anytime!

While I was gone my D said a Russian lady was knocking on the door and calling out. Now I am intrigued as there are not many Russians in our little town

Bring it up.

I had the same thing with my T and I have BPD too.

I was buying my old best friends £30 presents and spending stupid amounts paying for their drinks/ lunches because I wanted to prove that I cared and I would do that even if it meant I had to travel an hour and a half to X store . Looking back it was over the top because that's the only way I knew how to be. I wanted to be the best that I could be.

My very first gift to R for christmas was a £30 gift card for christmas, but this year he told me he had to say no because he cared about me. Oh boi that hurt but I didn't realize it but there's meaning behind every gift and for me anyway trying to keep people sweet . The new me bought my new friend Y two packets of mentos for her birthday and she was still happy.

Woah so deep CE.

Baby steps Una O (original).

Start with planning a 10 min walk around your block then just slowly increasing the distance.. Are there any shows, plays, places you'd like to go to? Even if it is just a bar or restaurant?

This is going to sound stupid but invest in good quality soap. I'm a huge fan of Lush and they have this one sexy peel, which is citrusy which smells awesome you could also try anything simple, but they also have other products like bath jellies, bath bombs and bath oils- it just actually makes bathing/ showering fun and something to look forward too.

I wanna go to Denny's and eat pancakes!

Ha! They will rip the beige Safeguard antibacterial deodorant bar soap out of my cold, wet washcloth! That other stuff sounds like a yuni rash waiting to happen

Boy them old folks is ornery!

So make it a date and set it as your goal for the week. I could be free tonight .

I lol'ed at the rash bit- but maybe get Idris to rub your back to make it more eh exciting? Maybe I'll ask my sister for a gift box.

I'm listening to childhoods end by Arthur Clarke and just discovered him. Think you might like it too.

My father's birthday is coming up.The last time I bought him anything was 3 years ago before I started therapy. But feel like I should do something this year. I was thinking of sending donuts.

The Denny’s by me sucks but I can meet you at one closer to your place... shower or not. I have met some really interesting people a Denny’s over the years. The best one was the one just off the state university campus. I got to have a 2am snack with Lizzardman... ah... fun times!

Omers Una is MINE!

You probably have the better Denny’s too Lemon the one by me now doesn’t get any exciting people in, has the highest turnover and worst staff ever!

A fair question.

I trust you weren't rolling your eyes when you wrote that.

I'm not sure if we have one here. I had the pleasure of spending £6.81 on pancakes from the local hipster cafe. But to be fair I also had a ginger lemonade too.

No I'm being serious. I got the feels the with that post. It was like one of Oprah's ah ha moments.

Our Lemoncake does not seem an eye roller to me...

I will remind you una was originally mine.

If you love someone, let them go.