Couch 199: The Unennennium Couch

Thanks, @@.

He's watching that seconds from disaster show right now to remind himself that things could be a whole lot worse.

He's a strong young man. He's going to be fine. And I'm going to be here for him.

Spending the second weekend away from my kids eating my emotions. Much like last weekend.

T is away for the next 10 days.. except for before he goes out of town they are throwing a graduation party for his daughter that my daughter and are invited to. I declined the offer when we were invited to his son’s party. But this time my daughter wanted to go because she danced with t’s daughter and loves her.

Soooo... we’re going and I will be seeing t, but I won’t be seeing him as my t, but another dance family and that’s not what I want. I kind of want throw a fit about it.

Everything and everyone is irritating me today. It has hit a high of 100 degrees today and all we have is a small portable Ac for the living room. I'm hot and annoyed. Didn't call T today since I didn't wake up until close to noon and then took the kids to the children's museum. I want a drink but I'll wait until the kids are sleeping.

I just saw one of my millions of cousins on the news on tv. That was startling (not bad news), but dang he look good. He kinda resembles Mannix. Typical gorgeous Italian! I emailed him the clip.

I have spent this afternoon rediscovering old passions and things that enjoy that I substituted therapy for. There's something wrong with this sentence and I can't work it out.

4 hours overtime tomorrow, for this I am thankful.

Can't sleep again. Can't stop worrying about my son. Trying to know that they'll figure this all out. They are both smart. Be here for him, but don't try to fix it for him. Because I can't anyway. H is gone til Wednesday he had a nonrefundable trip planned with his buddies before this all happened so i said go when he asked if he should cancel. I wish I'd said yes cancel. And t is on vacation next week of course.
And I'm also paranoid those nasty bugs are going to get in my house. H says well what if they do, we'll deal with it. They're just bugs. He's not here to see my son not able to close his eyes because he sees them. He can't eat, he can't sleep, he's still working every day somehow. I got Maybe 2 hours sleep last night and I can't sleep now. Yknow if I'm awake still at 4am I'll get up and do my 4 hours from 4am-8am. My brain will not shut off. Maybe I'll go work on my poem edits.

Am I a bad person because I'm so afraid of the bugs infesting my house?!

Did I miss the memo about how to be a good person you have to want bugs in your house? The more the merrier?

I’m always missing memos. Tarnation. I think una hides them from me.

I know. I'm screwed up. What can I say....

But no that isn't exactly what i mean. i mean that more like, what makes me think i'm so special kind of a thing i guess. I don't know.

trying to work on my poem edits but i think i'm just making them worse. maybe i can find a good series on netflix instead.

i just realized something. i've been worrying about my son off and on ever since he moved out 6 months ago. and that didn't prevent bad stuff from happening, did it? like a couple things he dealt with i haven't mentioned and now the bugs. maybe h is right. maybe instead of worrying incessantly i should just know that if something bad happens, i'll deal with it when it does. i mean what's the point of all the worry if it didn't stop stuff from happening anyway. I mean seriously. when i drive, i don't constantly worry about getting a flat tire, and when i got one yesterday, I just dealt with it. no big deal. i need to try to be like that about life in general.

I just want to say, Artie, that ,first, there's nothing wrong with being scared of a bed bug infestation in your house. Those things are downright terrifying.

Second, I can't remember how old your son is, 21? There's nothing wrong with helping him out still. You can try to help solve his problems. You're still his parent. He's still not fully grown yet. Don't they say your brain doesn't mature fully until like 25 or something like that? My parents helped me out as a young adult. Hell, they bought me a car when I went back to university at age 30-ish so I'd have some reliable transportation. Other than the relationship train wreck, I turned out okay. It was very helpful that my parents were still willing to help me out when I needed it. I'm not saying be a helicopter parent, but, if your kid needs some help and guidance, give it to him. There's no rule against it.

Thanks NP. I am glad that h and I are on the same page at least with letting them stay with us for the time being. He always talks about I need to let him grow up and become a man and figure out his own problems and live his own life but at the same time he agrees that we should be here for the big stuff (like this one is). It will all work out. I know it will. I do believe in my son. I do. And in h. Not in myself quite yet but two outta three ain't bad as the song goes...



oops yeah he and his gf are both 20

Talk about bugs! My house is full of small flies but they aren't happy flies it looks like they chose my house to die.

Not Columbo, then?

Close, but no cigar!

can i come over for dinner?

We've only done three when I was in crisis mode the first year I was seeing him . I already pay out of pocket and i'm not sure if i can justify the cost. It would be around £120 a week and I already see him on a discount which saves me £104 a month if he was to charge me his full fee. He did say he was willing to be there and support me but asking for a further discount?

And i think i resent paying so much already when i'm trying to save for a deposit for my own place after i graduate.

Perhaps see it in a different light. like when you go to a primary care doctor but they might refer you to the cardiologist or gastro doctor. They have additional training which would be better able to help you.

it's not that you're too much bur rather she referred you because she doesn't want to accidentally cause you more harm.

Wanna play match maker for me?

I agree. Why does being good mean you want bugs biting and feeding off you? I've been bitten as a kid- it's horrible and the worst thing is the itchy bites stop you from sleeping .

Nobody would not want bugs in their home.

I'm listening if you want to talk.

I actually feel happy. Day 12 of gym and I bought myself ice cream and flowers on the way back.

Yes, if you explain “Dark” to me.