Couch 200: The Bicentennial Couch.

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 02:35 AM

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Originally Posted by unaluna

Mildly...

Hehe

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 02:38 AM

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Originally Posted by SheHulk07

I actually don't know about how it works voluntarily. I mentioned the possibility to my son's T today during family therapy when the boys stepped out for a minute. She asked what route he'd want me to take because most places you have to go through the er and said he'd have to do a hold. I didn't ask for her advice or input, so now I'm all confused since he made it seem like he'd be able to help me get a bed at a place. If I went through an er, I'd worry they'd just laugh and wouldn't take me seriously or worse I'd end up in a place like I did 3 years ago that was a nightmare.

Maybe just ask him what the procedure is like. If you did have to go to the ER, would it be possible to take someone with you to explain on your behalf?

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 02:41 AM

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Originally Posted by stopdog

Actually, for all of the woowoo stuff that I consider to be too woo, I do believe that one's body will tell one to stop and up the ante until the body does something extreme enough that causes one to listen

I think the same thing.

SheHulk07 · Jul 12, 2019 at 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

Maybe just ask him what the procedure is like. If you did have to go to the ER, would it be possible to take someone with you to explain on your behalf?

I'll definitely try to bring it up next time we discuss it. I wish I had a support person I could bring with me but I don't.

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 02:53 AM

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Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

If the other people in my life weren't, I don't know. That's too hard to answer. If I removed even one person from my past I might never have gone back to therapy and if I hadn't gone back to therapy would I have ever started working on myself and uncovering all this stuff that I'd buried so deeply away? I might still be living completely and totally in denial about my sexuality and other stuff. Who knows?

Where do I want to be in 10 years? I can't see that far...

I'm sorry for being random but your post just reminded me of this music video I saw and loved by the Lumineers. It made me cry (cause i'm soppy like that):

YouTube

Basically :

"The story begins with the youngest girl in this video, she's young and in love. Her father has died and the love of her life asks her to leave, it shows what would happen if she would have left (which is ultimately fall deeper in love, explore, get married, and essentially live a happy fulfilled life.). However in reality she doesn't leave with her true love, instead she stays and he leaves, skipping over to the song Angela (the middle age women) she is now pregnant with another mans child and is living an unhappy life, she decides to leave one night, which ends in her and her new man getting a divorce, now onto Cleopatra (the woman driving the taxi) she is older now and drives the taxi for fun and sees many people that remind her of her and her love. She visits with the song she gave birth too and states that god gave her two blessing, birth and a divorce, now onto the 4th and final song, she is way older now and is now in a nursing home, she explains to the aids there that she was so amazing when she was young, and since they are a younger generation they don't quite understand, so they just shrug it off. She has a collection of the love of her life's pictures and she regrets not going with him, she knows she is going to die in the nursing home, old and alone. The what if moment comes when she decides to leave the nursing home. The end. Ultimately this ballad is a lesson about choices, regrets, and life. She regrets not leaving with her soulmate which in turn leads to her living a depressing life, in which the only blessing are birth and a divorce".

Every ending has a new beginning but the weight of regret is heavy.

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 02:55 AM

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Originally Posted by SheHulk07

I'll definitely try to bring it up next time we discuss it. I wish I had a support person I could bring with me but I don't.

When do you see T next?

SheHulk07 · Jul 12, 2019 at 03:00 AM

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Originally Posted by Lemoncake

When do you see T next?

Monday evening. Not horribly long but didn't get to see him today since he went out of town again this weekend.

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 03:02 AM

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Originally Posted by SheHulk07

I technically have the money now to fly out to see my grandmother, but it feels wrong and weird. I haven't seen her since I was 14. And flights to the other side of the country last minute aren't cheap. Especially if I went with H. Flight+hotel+Uber/Lyft or renting a car. I hate spending money. But would I regret not going if she dies soon? She's supposedly doing better...a few more days in ICU and then going to a rehab place. I wish i had a way to get discounted flights and hotels...how the heck do people manage that?

Would you be able to go without H?

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

It really rather pisses me off that it took me almost 8 years of therapy to be ready to even HEAR that. I have just been beating myself up for years upon years upon years. It's all I ever knew how to do. Maybe I am still a child in some ways.

She also said today when I told her it pissed me off that it took us this long to get here, that maybe, that's because it's not something that is broken that can be fixed but that it's something I just had to be in, or whatever, until I got to the point of saying "I'm sick of this ****!" and finally do something about it. I don't know. But I am tired of it.

The thing is it takes as long as it takes to get there. Someone else may be done with just two sessions- but it's YOUR therapy.

Jul 12, 2019 at 03:42 AM

I so wanted to paint today but I was in too much pain and my ponytail got in the paint and I have paint down the back of shirt and on my neck and I had stand in the shower on one foot crying because I was stupid enough to get paint in my hair and I was driving in my car and this song Afterglow Genesiswas on the cd and I started crying and had to pull over. So a large part of my day was spent in tears which is unusual as I hardly ever cry but since being discharged by exT I seem to be able to cry easier

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I so wanted to paint today but I was in too much pain and my ponytail got in the paint and I have paint down the back of shirt and on my neck and I had stand in the shower on one foot crying because I was stupid enough to get paint in my hair and I was driving in my car and this song Afterglow Genesiswas on the cd and I started crying and had to pull over. So a large part of my day was spent in tears which is unusual as I hardly ever cry but since being discharged by exT I seem to be able to cry easier

There's no harm done with the paint and it doesn't mean your stupid. You washed it off and it's something I would probably do.

It's okay to cry.

Jul 12, 2019 at 04:37 AM

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Originally Posted by Lemoncake

There's no harm done with the paint and it doesn't mean your stupid. You washed it off and it's something I would probably do.

It's okay to cry.

I was just thinking back to earlier with my exT I used to make myself bleed by digging my nails into my arm rather than cry in front of him towards the end I used to let a few tears trickle down. I hear you saying it ok but I don't believe it
Thanks

StressedMess · Jul 12, 2019 at 04:39 AM

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Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Blame is a dead end street. People don’t want to be blamed so they avoid taking responsibility. Or they just sit around and blame themselves and then learn nothing, just beat up on themselves.

2ex had me going there for a while with the idea of blame and fault. It’s a way to keep others or yourself down. It’s a child’s way of viewing the world. Screw that.

I needed to hear that. I've been blaming myself for someone else's actions and beating myself up for the last 7 or 8 years. Instead of taking responsibility for my part and letting the guilty party take responsibility for their part, I've been vilifying myself and my health has suffered for it.

The couch is better than therapy.

chihirochild · Jul 12, 2019 at 04:52 AM

Ugh, woke up at 3am and can't get back to sleep.

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

I was just thinking back to earlier with my exT I used to make myself bleed by digging my nails into my arm rather than cry in front of him towards the end I used to let a few tears trickle down. I hear you saying it ok but I don't believe it
Thanks

It's okay not to believe it now, but I hope one day you will see it for yourself.

Can you still contact GP to help support you?

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 05:41 AM

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Originally Posted by chihirochild

Ugh, woke up at 3am and can't get back to sleep.

CantExplain · Jul 12, 2019 at 05:59 AM

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Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

Just got home from seeing L. Hoo boy what a super emotional session THAT was! I was totally bawling, tears streaming down my face the whole 9 yards. I was a mess. She was drumming for me at the time and I just lost it. While she was drumming I heard this message come through clearly from deep inside me that said "Stop holding on so damn tight. Let go!! Just ****ing LET GO!!" and that terrified me because I don't want to be the destruction. I am afraid that if I just let go and be myself, I would be like a tornado, like a massive storm, and wreak havoc on my life as I know it now. If I just let go and be myself, I wouldn't worry about H, or what my Mother and the rest of my family thinks, I would end my marriage and I would BE the destruction that I so fear. I haven't cried that hard in a looooong time. I think I have earned a glass of wine....

If you do your letting go WITHIN therapy, you should be OK. The tornado will blow itself out if you give it a chance.

To switch metaphors: let T be your lightning rod. Even if you burn her, there will be no harm done in the real world.

CantExplain · Jul 12, 2019 at 06:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArtieSwimsOn

It really rather pisses me off that it took me almost 8 years of therapy to be ready to even HEAR that.

Therapy really does take that long. You needn't beat youself up about THAT.

CantExplain · Jul 12, 2019 at 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheHulk07

I hate spending money.

What use is it if you never spend it?

Lemoncake · Jul 12, 2019 at 06:31 AM

Would you guys see your T if he offered you a session during his holiday?

(He did the same thing last year too. )

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Couch 200: The Bicentennial Couch.

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chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,360 7 4,865 hugs given	Jul 12, 2019 at 04:52 AM #434 Ugh, woke up at 3am and can't get back to sleep.

Lemoncake Roses are falling. Member Since May 2017 Location: Seattle. Posts: 9,747 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.2k hugs given	Jul 12, 2019 at 06:31 AM #440 Would you guys see your T if he offered you a session during his holiday? (He did the same thing last year too. ) __________________