[sunrise]

I didn't have a session this week with T, but I did see him two days in a row, at the two legal meetings, the first times I have seen him outside of the therapy context and his office (except for the time we took a brief walk and 3 block drive in his car together, which hardly counts). It was nice to have him there with me. He dressed up for the second meeting, the big one, and wore a tie.

I realized as I sat there in the meetings that T is also seeing me for the first time in a different context. And I was kind of "different." In a group situation, I can tend to crack jokes and make a lot of spontaneous quips (I like to make people laugh and it relieves the tension). In therapy alone with T, I tend to be serious and sincere. You know, we are dealing with painful and hard stuff in therapy, and I am crying or grieving or angry or all of that, so not much room for jokes from me, although I appreciate when he makes them. Also, maybe my joking in groups is a bit of a performance and I don't have to perform with T. I'm not sure, but I just think it is interesting I realized the difference in how I act with him in therapy and outside. A couple of times when I made a joke, T said to me, "that was really funny!" as if he were a bit surprised. I found T to act pretty much the same in therapy and out (although we kept our emotional distance more, as was appropriate), so I guess that means he is more authentic than I am. Sigh. Always something to work on.

I think it can be a helpful thing to see your T outside of therapy. He can learn more about you by seeing you in action relating to other people. Maybe that is why some T's want their clients to join their group therapy groups.

There was one thing that was a bit uncomfortable regarding T during the meeting, and that was that I was asked to explain why insurance wasn't covering my and my daughter's therapy. I explained that my insurance company didn't like T's credential and so wouldn't reimburse for his services. Later I thought well maybe that made him sound incompetent or something, like he isn't qualified to practice therapy. That's not what I meant at all. It is just stupid insurance red tape and regulations. I will have to explain to him what I meant when I see him. I don't want him thinking I meant to diss him in front of the rest of the people at the meeting.

I emailed T today to set up an appointment for next week. I am getting better about emailing him about my needs, same in person. It just doesn't seem as hard as it used to be. So we are set for a session next week, then he is away for the next two weeks. It'll be hard, but I'll survive.

i haven't spotted T anywhere.. and this isn't a huge city. i used to see my pdoc all the time before i moved.. grocery stores, pubs even

you sound like you have made a lot of progress and come a long way. you sound so strong and confident.

[krazibean]

i figured out which car in the parking lot was my T's and i look for it on the road all the time. also she's told me of times shes been at the place i work and she looked for me, so i look for her there all the time too. i dream of the time i will run into her but i have a feeling if it ever happens i won't be expecting it and it will be short-lived. i think she is comfortable with doing sessions outside of the office (she has asked me to meet her at a restaurant for lunch as a session, but it was in the beginning of therapy so i wasn't comfortable with that yet) but now i think being outiside the office may be a nice change and make me feel closer, i don't know. maybe one day i'll ask her about it.

[MissCharlotte]

Hi Sunny,

I'm jealous that you have spent time with T out of the usual context but I wonder if it will make it harder or easier (or no effect) when you two sit across from each other in the therapy room again. I bet it will make your therapy better!

It must be difficult having T serve more than one role! And I don't think you said anything wrong about his credential--you just restated what the insurance company said.

Best of luck with all this stuff--you are doing an amazing job.

[sunrise]

Thanks, Jello, krazibean, and sister.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
you sound so strong and confident.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Wow, I do? Cool!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I'm jealous that you have spent time with T out of the usual context but I wonder if it will make it harder or easier (or no effect) when you two sit across from each other in the therapy room again. I bet it will make your therapy better!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">sister, I think you are right. I think the only possibility is that it will enrich my therapy. I think seeing T outside of his office also helps demystify him a bit. Like he's not a magic being who exists only in his office for my one hour a week with him. He is even more real to me now.

Another thing that is interesting is he talks the same in this other context as he does in his office with me. He is a therapist using therapist-speak and therapist-presence even outside of the therapy context. That's just who he is! It's not a mask he puts on when he is doing his therapist job. It is him. I really like this.

[lauren_helene]

Oh shoot sunny, I replied to this post and it must not have went through! It was a long one too

In short, I also think it is beneficial to see a T outside of therapy room if it is relevant in some way as it is for you.

I'm glad he got to see your playful side, I'm a joker myself although I do that a lot in session so I have the opposite dynamic.

I'm also sure he would not be upset about the comment regarding his credentials...I'm assuming he has heard that before?

[Perna]

I'm sure your T is too familiar with insurance companies and how they like/dislike certain credentials and not others. I wouldn't feel badly about that and how you stated it. You've chosen him as your T and include him in all your meetings, etc. and it's not as easy a role as your lawyer or accountant has, for example. I don't think the other team members think less of him because of the insurance thing. One could think less of a medical doctor if medical insurance didn't like him but not of a therapist; the degrees there have different "meanings" and purposes. Would be like thinking less of your accountant because he wasn't a CPA or CFP or even PA or some other of the many initials that can go behind their names but which only show a person's personal interests in that field, not how "good" they are.

[Kiya]

Oy - i'm not fond of being out in public with t. makes me nervous. and if asked a personal question, i can't talk. even if it were the same thing a friend would ask me that i would normally elaborate on, if it's t, i can't talk. i almost get angry about it like don't ask me personal stuff out here around all these strangers! They might be listening! They might *know* that you're the t and i'm the... the.... the what? the crazy? the patient? the abnormal one? it's just me and the baaggage my family "gave" into my care. but it does freak me out.
oy and further more, my "mentors" (t, school dean, spiritual director) never miss a chance to point out that some guy looked at me or checked me out. *rolls eyes*. I don't like being seen. Once my school dean asked me "Kiya, are you avoiding men?" YES, isn't it obvious?!? I'm just not ready to be eye candy. I may never be and i hate that term. Oh i need to get off this tangent.
k