Couch 203: The Spam and Cool Whip Couch!

I like her, a lot...but, she’s got the same cancer that killed my father, so if I keep watching (a little of In Treatment goes a long way for me) she may trigger me.

Oh, yeah, I imagine that would be difficult to watch.

@@ if you have to skip her episodes you won’t lose a lot of backstory.

Gina and Paul's wife were the only two characters I liked. I taped them and skipped forward to their parts. I despised Paul. I wanted to rescue all of his clients from him.

I watched them when they were on demand because I was then able to watch all the stories at once.. So like from Season 1...All the Laura episodes together (didn’t love her.) All the Sophie episodes, all of Alex...etc.. I skipped some people from season 2 and skipped one person from season 3.

I have 4 pork shoulders on the smoker and now it is threatening to rain. I checked all the radar before I put the charcoal/wood in this morning.
Weather people are almost as unreliable as therapists

I've fallen into my bed and I can't get up. They need to make a life alert for this.

With a chair option.

I spent the day with one of my best friends but then I shooed her out so I could take a nap and now I feel awful again.

I just got my hair cut in preparation for school starting up again. I hadn't had a haircut since February so I was definitely due. I just get a bob.

I've had a pain in my upper arm for a month now. I have a little spot that really hurts when I press on it, which must be the source of the pain, but I don't know what it is or where or came from. I'm debating whether to go get it checked out or wait until my checkup in October. I have a lipoma (harmless fat tumor) elsewhere on my body and that is the only thing i could think of except of course the cancer having come back.

I'd probably just go have it checked out rather than worry that it might be the cancer coming back until October.

I’m still feeling highly cruddy. I think I’m just going to give up and take a sleeping pill and call it a night. It’s almost 8pm, that’s reasonable right?

Yes the hours of sleep before 11 pm are the most fruitful. Or replenishing. Or whatever.

I'm fighting off the Winter Blues. I'm winning, but that doesn't leave much energy for anything else.

Solution: come visit (most of) the Couch up here in the Podes, where it’s summer.

You people need to work harder.

L hasn't responded to my email yet I wrote to her last night. She normally responds by noon. I'm a little worried. I hope she's okay and I hope she's not mad at me.

Isnt there a travel warning for the U.S.? Not that we wouldnt welcome you, but its kinda depressing here nowadays. Not so much for terrorism as for getting nabbed by ICE for no reason. Thats what would worry me.

Who needs to work harder?

Everybody. You all aren't producing enough content to keep up with my rate of consumption when I stay in bed all day being a lumpkin. Do better.

A mere quillet, my dear ex-hankster, a mere quillet.

(Your word of the day brought to you by W.N.P. Barbellion, Journal of a Disappointed Man.)

Took the sleeping pill but couldn’t fall asleep. Did email my T.

Now I’m just groggy and sad and desperately wishing for sleep.

My new apartment is smelly. It's a duplex in an old house, and at first there was only a very strong old house odor. However, once the power was turned on and the AC started running, the stench of cigarettes was added to create a very malodorous bouquet. I really hate the smell of cigarettes. C bought a special HVAC filter for odors at the store. Hopefully it will help.

We were supposed to move last week, but the night prior to moving, we went to turn the AC on, and realized the electric wasn't working. I had set up the account three days before, verified all was well two days before, and had been too stupid to actually go out and check until the night before movers were supposed to come. So upsetting. Checked the inside and outside breakers with no luck. Plus, immediately on walking in the door, we could hear some sort of noise. Turned out to be the toilet, which was continuously flushing. The front door also really needs to be replaced as it is falling apart. Hopefully that happens soon. Anyway, cancelled the movers and felt pretty bad about that but at least I had only booked them like 36 hours before. Would have felt worse if they had been reserved weeks in advance. Contacted electric and they sent a crew out, and also contacted the property manager to let her know about that and the toilet, especially since they are paying the water bill. She texted me back later to say everything had been fixed, so that was good. But still very stressful.

Anyway, rescheduled movers for Tuesday. I wonder what all my pets will think of the new place. I'm really looking forward to giving my pet rats a spot by a window. And I think my dogs will enjoy not being cooped up in my room so much. I've made the acquaintance of a grey cat on the premises. Not sure who s/he belongs to, if anyone, but s/he is always outside. I plan on wooing her/him and hopefully being able to check for fleas at some point. If needed, I will administer flea treatment. S/he seems rather scared of people, tbh and is living under the house. That makes me sad. S/he ran away before I could even make any friendly advances the first ~4 times we visited and ran away while I was petting her/him when the neighbors shut their car door.

If s/he doesn't belong to any of the other tenants, maybe I can get one of my family members to adopt her/him. S/he seems like a sweet cat, just very scared. I want to give her/him rubs and shower her/him with cat-appropriate meats/treats.

ETA: I think a raccoon or possum may have wandered into her/his home a few days ago, because there was a godawful yowling ruckus right outside. I paused but then went out there because I was worried. I saw two shapes streaking away, but it was too dark to make anything else out.

At last I have moved my bum from my bed and I am sitting in my sunroom watching 70s British comedies and everyone smokes in them and I want a cigarette now too. I have the windows open and there is slight breeze. I wish I had done this earlier. Thanks exT for the extra $400 a month.

H actually told me tonight that if I need help that I can go to a walk in crisis center tonight to talk to someone. That is if they wouldn't try to admit me. His words, not mine.
I told him I'm upset at him for yesterday, and I wish I had called T this weekend. I'm mad that I have to choose between IOP and seeing my D off to her first day of preschool tomorrow. I know that's an easy choice for others, because it is only preschool and it's her 2nd year in preschool at the same school with the same teacher. But it feels really important to me to be there this first day dropping her off and picking her up. I won't be able to do that at all while I'm in IOP because it's the exact same time frame for both.
I'm meeting with a new psychiatrist tomorrow again...last week was a meeting with a psychiatrist, and he already referred me to a more experienced psychiatrist on his team. So that's who I'll be seeing in the morning. I'm worried about being too honest with my T, the psychiatrist, and IOP about how bad my SH urges have been this weekend. I hate this push/pull of wanting help but being too afraid of saying too much because I'm worried they will freak out .