Couch 203: The Spam and Cool Whip Couch!

It's getting late at work, and there is still supposed to be two trucks coming to pick up people's orders. Big trucks. Like big rigs. I'm getting nervous that they aren't going to get here on time even though that's not my job and it's not my responsibility. But still. It's almost the end of the month. We need to ship out as much as we can so we can get as many invoices on the books as possible.

I have to reread the chapter for book club on Saturday morning because we haven't actually discussed the book for two weeks now so I have forgotten what the chapter was about!

I've learned so much at this job. Other times I think like I'm not contributing enough to the company or whatever, because there isn't always a lot of work for me to do. I try to stay busy at work but I can only do so many spreadsheets. But I think about when I came here, straight out of retail with my MBA newly earned, I didn't really know what I was getting into. I didn't really know the real work applications to what I learned in school. I learned that what was taught, isn't always what was done, and I learned some of the stuff that was taught isn't done at all. And I learned some stuff that wasn't taught. I was really fortunate for two and half years to have my former boss because she knew a lot of stuff. Now I don't have her except as a personal resource, so I have to figure stuff out on my own. I think I'm doing okay. But sometimes my confidence isn't there. But there's resources I have learned to utilize and knowing when to ask for help, whether it be on the job, or with MI or SUI or whatever, I've learned is as important to me as anything else.

You can do it! Great job on 10 days. I know that a huge feat.

Thanks Scarlet!

I thought writing all that stuff about my sister would help but it didn’t and I just went into the kitchen and binged. Now I feel worse.

Dentist at 8 followed by chiropractor at 10 and I feel ready for classes tomorrow, and to be done with the first week! Summer feels like such a distance memory.

Hugs Jersey. My brother in law called me Tuesday and told me he's divorcing my sister. I'm having a super hard time with it. Can't concentrate at work and just feeling all this anxiety about it. Of course I'm only tangentially involved but it's my sister! I want better for her, just like you want for your sister.

Don't beat yourself up for binge eating. I've been engaging in some unhealthy coping mechanisms myself.

Thanks SM. See you understand. That’s what I’m saying! This is my sister and not just my sister but my baby sister! Someone is making her life miserable and that’s just unacceptable. I don’t want to see that scumbag ever again when this is over.

I want to get a tattoo. I have never gotten a tattoo before so I am really intimidated. It feels very impulsive but at the same time something i have thouht of for a a few years

I got 2 of them in my teen years. It was a rebellion thing because my parents said no..so I went out and got it anyway. Back when I got mine getting your name planted on your body somewhere was the cool thing to do so I have my name tattooed in big purple letters on my one ankle and the other ankle has a rose.

Now that I’m 40...I absolutely hate my tats but it’s too expensive to get them removed.

I had a birthday coupon for a local pizzeria I like, so I got pizza on their gf 12” crust (they only have one gf size). It is a really awesome gf crust, much better than any other I’ve had (okay, all the others were store brought pizza shells or gf pizzas like Udi’s).

Unfortunately it costs like $15 before adding in any toppings.

That does it. I need to send you a lifetime supply of GF pizza from where I grew up. It will taste like real pizza.

Pdoc upped one of my meds. I'm now maxed on all of them. She told me she's retiring in 5-7 years. I told her she can't unless she brings my ex-Pdoc back. She laughed. I was kind of serious. She told me she talked to the T my H was seeing. He told her that my H didn't tell him everything. So his T suggested we do couples counseling with him. I haven't told H yet, but I'm sure he won't want to. I also asked Pdoc if she could find me a back up T if L leaves me tomorrow. She said she would.

Madame T said I was trying to control her.

Here are some good responses:
1. "From where I'm sitting, you are trying to control me."
2. "I'm not controlling. I just have good boundaries."
3. "It's going to be difficult to work with you if you don't show me any respect."
4. "It's not manipulative if I ask you directly, as I did. And I always have the right to ask."
5. "Instead of turning this into a power struggle, help me to find the win-win solution."

For goodness sake! If he doesn't what to talk about that, what kind of T is he?

Well it has its own special oven and fridge and all kindsa shyte. Probably has its own room. Its own phone. Its own computer.

Same! Baby sister gets hurt, mama bear claws come out.

I think my liver is inflamed. Ugh.

How would you know that? Can you feel it or something?

He’s OK discussing it some in session. But it seems he felt “trapped” (his words in session) that I seemed to be on the edge of a crisis, and he felt he had to reply on a Friday night. Then reply to my reply. He said partly was fear of liability. But to me if he didn’t want to deal with it...he could have said I need to contact crisis line or go to ER. He chose to engage with me then seemed rather harsh to me on second email. In session, he admitted he was frustrated with me. And that he preferred not to use email that way. I was originally ok with everything after our session Sunday to discuss it, but I keep thinking of some things he said in email and session and...I don’t know.

But then it seems he’s trying hard to not have me become dependent on him, to get me to stand on my own two feet. He has my best interests at heart. But when I’m in a bad place is not the time for him to push that...

Yes, it's uncomfortable feeling underneath my right side rib cage. I drink too much. I was thinking I would take a break tonight. Then I got an email from my neighbor. Apparently there's an HOA newsletter that got sent out where the no-good-terrible neighbor gave the nice neighbor a special shout-out for weeding my yard for me. Super awesome. Nothing like having your incompetence announced to the whole frigging neighborhood. The nice neighbor was apologizing and saying how inappropriate it was for her to put that in there. I've been feeling so anxious and depressed and suicidal this week. This is all I needed. I don't know if I can deal with abstaining tonight.

Hugs, NP...

My dog is sick again.. this is the 3rd time since April. I think that the vet is thinking chronic pancreatitis, but with his symptoms they always check for obstruction first and those xrays are expensive. And we never really end getting the blood work for the pancreatitis done because I can’t afford that in top of the images.

So, tomorrow morning I will bringing him to the vet again and asking them to do the blood work right off. I don’t think I can really afford that alone, but I need to figure out why my dog keeps getting stomach pain.

I got very little sleep last night for other reasons and it looks like I won’t be getting very much again tonight. I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I really hoping vet can get him in tomorrow.. I am worried with the holiday weekend coming up there might not bring many vets in.

I want threaten putting a notification against exT as their code says they must act honestly but I probably don't have anything else besides that and the feeling he manipuled me earlier in the year