[Lonelyinmyheart]

I'm just curious...how many ts agree to some contact after therapy has officially ended with a client? I don't mean becoming friends which is obviously a grey area in terms of ethics, but simply staying in contact via letters, emails or texts? The very first T I saw years ago was completely open to it and I still write to her on and off and send a Christmas card. The T after that was dead against it and seemed unable to distinguish having some contact with that of being friends. As a result, we never stayed in contact and the ending was like a death which I grieved for as such. I don't know about current T's policy at all.

Maybe it's different depending on country as well as how relaxed each t is? Has any of you ever approached this issue with a t?

[MoxieDoxie]

I moved to a different state and he has stayed in contact with me through texts sometimes weekly and or monthly and we have even talked on the phone. He is not like other T's. He does have looser boundaries and believe attachment is very important in healing childhood trauma.

[ArtleyWilkins]

I have remained in contact with all of my past therapists. It wasn't something we even talked about; it just turned out that way. It is also not something that happens frequently.

I ended up contacting my first because he was also the head of the career center at my university and he was handling my portfolio information, etc. We just chatted occasionally concerning that and then later when I was locating a new therapist. It turned into a, now, almost 35 distant friendship where we keep up with each other personally (our lives, kids, trips, etc.) via email, Facebook, and the very occasional phone call.

The second moved to another state and the story is very similar. In his case, I am still a member of the church where we originally met and where he was my therapist (yes, a minister who was licensed as a therapist), and he returns for church occasions at times and we see each other in that context.

My last lives in my town and we run into each other in stores, etc. We follow each other on Facebook keep up with kids and grandkids.

This has worked because I had no aspirations that they would in any way ever serve as my therapists again and I don't expect "therapy-type" interactions with them. We are basically old friends now. Not buddies. Just people who enjoy keeping up with each other over the years.

T said she's thinks there will always be some form of contact between us.

[SlumberKitty]

I have contact with my former T (one out of three former T's) through email and text. She said maybe we could do a phone call down the line. I try not to email her too much as she is sick with MS but maybe once a month or every six weeks I send an email. Sometimes she responds, sometimes she doesn't. When I was in crisis a couple of weeks back, she made sure to respond right away. I wasn't expecting her to do anything about the crisis, I was just in such a bad place that I reached out to anyone and everyone. She told me to get in touch with my Pdoc, which I did. It was a very short message that she sent me, full of concern though and get your butt to the doctor kind of thing. I miss her intensely. I doubt I will stay in contact with current T once our time comes to a close. We have never emailed or texted and I don't see that changing any time soon. Kit

Mine said she would like to stay in contact now and again when I am back in the city. I always find it awkward initiating meetings though, especially none session meetings. I am hesitant to meet with her again though. I think in the end I felt a little bitter about our progress, but that was on me and not trusting myself as much as it was about her inexperience of trauma. I would kinda like her to get in touch if I am honest, but I don't think it is part of her practice so I suppose thats 4 years of getting to know one another that where now I never see them again. Maybe...

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Thanks for all the replies. It's really nice to read how many people have ts who are open to contact on some level. I guess people whose ts aren't may not post here though. Lol. I'm hoping my current t will be as I'm devastated at the thought of never seeing her again even though I don't plan to end any time soon. I don't expect to meet up or anything, but email contact a few times a year or something would be nice. I hope she isn't like my former T who saw an ending as exactly that, no ifs or buts.

[Omers]

I had one T that was a horrid match for me as a T but we agreed to contact and she became a very dear friend. I have not brought it up with current T but he knows how strongly I bond and how afraid I am of loss. He has already let me know of places/times where we could reasonably run into eachother.

[LonesomeTonight]

Ex-marriage counselor apparently still allows contact, over a year since termination. He's replied in some way to everything I've sent him (including fairly recently--OK, I was mad at T...). No particularly long replies and nothing that's like therapy over email, but always a reply. T has said because he still replies to me, he is still technically somewhat responsible for me in a therapeutic sense. Because he never sent me anything formally terminating the therapy. I've emailed ex-T a couple times maybe 6 months after terminating with her, and she replied. And she has said before that she has clients write to her years later. But I forget if she actually replies? I know current T said he appreciates updates from clients. I'm unclear on how much he will reply either. But he's also said they can always come back for a session.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

My first T always replies. Since I was seeing her back in the days before email and text were an invention, we always correspond by letter. I'm the one who initiates the contact but she will write a letter back giving me a very brief update on what she's doing (excluding anything related to family members) and then responds to my news. She was a lovely therapist - incredibly compassionate and warm and attachment focused, but secure enough in herself to have great boundaries. I was too young and disturbed when seeing her to really appreciate at the time what a great t she is.

[ExCore]

I'm building a company with my first therapist 😊

[elisewin]

My therapy has ended and we both want to keep in touch and build a personal relationship.

[koru_kiwi]

i've remained in contact with my ex-T since ending 2.5 years ago. this has included texts, emails, and meeting in person a handful of times for walks or at one of local cafes to catch up and talk in person. hubby sometimes encounters ex-T on the train to or from town and they will sit together and chit chat during the ride. when i was in therapy, T always said that we could remain in contact after it ended. when i ended therapy, i made it quite clear that i was never planning to return to therapy with him, and i am not sure how much of an influence that has had on him being willing to remain in contact. even though we have seen each other occasionally and have remained in touch, i definilty don't consider him a 'friend', but i continue to hold a special place for him in my heart.

[Xynesthesia2]

I emailed occasionally with my last T for almost a year after terminating paid therapy. It wasn't anything too special - sometimes I liked to send him some updates or write about whatever in similar ways I did during my actual therapy. I never felt that therapy did too much for me but I liked that guy and enjoyed the contact. He actually engaged in quite similar ways to how he did during my therapy, for a while... then the whole thing just gradually dissipated. We still mostly emailed about my mental health updates and life events, but a couple times also about vacations (for both of us) and, towards the end of the contact, he told me about a health issue he was dealing with, that he had surgery for it, and a little bit about his recovery. I never asked or even wanted to know about his personal life, he just volunteered the info (also did quite often during my paid sessions). It wasn't like friendship by any means, the closest comparison that comes to my mind is keeping in touch with some former work colleagues and mentors - nothing frequent or too personal or emotional. The contact stopped now >a year ago and I don't really miss it, even though I still think fondly of him, in spite of not thinking he was a great T for me. We had many shared interests and values though, really more like colleagues. It was only email after ending formal therapy and none of us had ever indicated we wanted anything in person, except keeping it open for me to go back to a formal session if I wanted.

[susannahsays]

I have no idea how common it is, but forbidding any sort of post-termination contact seems overly rigid to me. C goes to see her old therapist whenever we are back in town, and has occasionally sent her a text if she has exciting news. When we had to stop seeing our old psychiatrist, she said she hoped we would let her know how we are doing.

I don't know what the current therapist's policies are. She isn't big on outside contact, so I wouldn't find it shocking if she's the rigid type. I don't think she'd make a fuss if I insisted on sending her a Christmas card or something that she wouldn't have to respond to. She just likes keeping things in session... so I guess if there are no sessions, she might not want there to be any contact. There would be no opportunity to dissect whatever I said. But I don't really know. Maybe I'll save that question for next time I want to start an argument.

[Brightheart]

I have been emailing my former therapist a lengthy update every year on his birthday for over 10 years now. He always seems appreciative and happy to know how things are for me. I am grateful.

my therapist said she wants to always be a part of my life, even when we are little old ladies 🙂

[downandlonely]

I've never kept in contact after therapy. But I've never really been close to a therapist.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by susannahsays

I have no idea how common it is, but forbidding any sort of post-termination contact seems overly rigid to me. C goes to see her old therapist whenever we are back in town, and has occasionally sent her a text if she has exciting news. When we had to stop seeing our old psychiatrist, she said she hoped we would let her know how we are doing.

I don't know what the current therapist's policies are. She isn't big on outside contact, so I wouldn't find it shocking if she's the rigid type. I don't think she'd make a fuss if I insisted on sending her a Christmas card or something that she wouldn't have to respond to. She just likes keeping things in session... so I guess if there are no sessions, she might not want there to be any contact. There would be no opportunity to dissect whatever I said. But I don't really know. Maybe I'll save that question for next time I want to start an argument.

I agree it was rigid. My former T did lean very heavily on the ethics and I think part of it may have been we really liked each other as people, and so she was concerned what may evolve if we had agreed to have some contact. I wouldn't have stepped on any boundaries though - I kept in touch with my first T and it only ever stayed as a few letters a year at the most. But I think she may have worried about it.

It does seem that some ts are keen to keep things 'in the room' more than others. My current T is open to text contact in a boundaried way, so I'm hoping she may be one t who is more relaxed about having some contact once therapy is officially over. But I really don't know with her.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I’m friends with my old t. I’ve been to her house and we’ve gone places.

Originally Posted by ExCore

I'm building a company with my first therapist 😊

I think you win lol

[just2b]

All previous Ts ended in bad ways...well except the 2nd T.
First T ...as a early teenager hated her
2nd T ...as a late teenager i liked. Did contact her about three times, and is open to me stopping by when i am in town. I dont live in the same state so not very likely to happen. But i saw her last about 8 years ago or so.
3rd T ...in my 20s had an intern ...okay. didnt really connect with
4th T ...still in 20s another intern...did not connect
5th T ...part of me liked her and part of me didnt. And it ended badly ...got a restraining order..lol
6th T....she told me i am burning her out. Ended badly too. And almost got a restraining order
7th T...didnt click with her after first session, tried 3 still nothing..
8th T after first sesson said she would not see me unless i stopped drinking and gambling..i was drinking maybe 1 weekend a month and gambling 1 every three months. I did like her approach to treating DID, but she wasnt going to have it.
9th T....is current T. I see her 2x a week for 5 years and this year its been moved to 1x a week. Its hard to adjust to still. I know i am attached and dont like to admit it or talk about it with her. I at times want to hug her, which i have done in the past, and she is okay with it, but i feel so uncomfortable now. I know i want to hug her and either just sob in her arms at times, or hug and never let go. I fear that in me. That it will and has opened up this deep desire to attach so deeply i would never let her go. Its only when i am not in my most adult state of mind. DID and BPD is what i have.

Will contact be allowed after therapy ends....most likely not. I know i will be devastated and have decided after her there is no more.

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Originally Posted by just2b

All previous Ts ended in bad ways...well except the 2nd T.
First T ...as a early teenager hated her
2nd T ...as a late teenager i liked. Did contact her about three times, and is open to me stopping by when i am in town. I dont live in the same state so not very likely to happen. But i saw her last about 8 years ago or so.
3rd T ...in my 20s had an intern ...okay. didnt really connect with
4th T ...still in 20s another intern...did not connect
5th T ...part of me liked her and part of me didnt. And it ended badly ...got a restraining order..lol
6th T....she told me i am burning her out. Ended badly too. And almost got a restraining order
7th T...didnt click with her after first session, tried 3 still nothing..
8th T after first sesson said she would not see me unless i stopped drinking and gambling..i was drinking maybe 1 weekend a month and gambling 1 every three months. I did like her approach to treating DID, but she wasnt going to have it.
9th T....is current T. I see her 2x a week for 5 years and this year its been moved to 1x a week. Its hard to adjust to still. I know i am attached and dont like to admit it or talk about it with her. I at times want to hug her, which i have done in the past, and she is okay with it, but i feel so uncomfortable now. I know i want to hug her and either just sob in her arms at times, or hug and never let go. I fear that in me. That it will and has opened up this deep desire to attach so deeply i would never let her go. Its only when i am not in my most adult state of mind. DID and BPD is what i have.

Will contact be allowed after therapy ends....most likely not. I know i will be devastated and have decided after her there is no more.

I'm sorry you've had such bad experiences with endings. The attachment is incredibly hard and it's so easy to feel overwhelmed and want to be near a t all the time once it kicks in. What is needed is a very experienced and boundaried t to help manage these feelings and sadly that doesn't seem to be the case very often. I completely relate to your description of how you feel with current t as I feel exactly the same re wanting to sob in her arms and not let go. It's unbearable sometimes. I hope you might be able to talk to her about it if you haven't already. I'm slowly starting to and it's horrendously difficult and awkward but I think over time it lessens the pain of the feelings because they are getting air time.

[junkDNA]

I've never discussed this with my therapist let alone discussed ending therapy

But he better ****ing allow me to contact him after we end !! I've known him for almost a decade now
Hes watched me grow so much

[precaryous]

The T previous to my current therapist allows emails and occasional phone calls.

Have asked current T bc she’s 70 something and I fear our time is ending. She said, yes, she will allow contact. We haven’t worked out what form that will take.

Not in contact with any other previous T.