Blank slate

My new therapist is a blank slate which I currently find annoying and frustrating.

She seems very young and I asked her how long she had been a therapist. This to me is a basic, even casual question.

But she seemed taken back. She gave me the old 'Thats interesting you would ask that...I'd like to know what's behind it' twist

I asked because she was telling me NOTHING about herself at all which seems extreme and un natural. I mean I don't want a run down of her week but just a few facts. Nothing too personal or deep.

Though if simply asking how long you have been a therapist is too much, then I'm not sure it will work

And yes, I discussed my feelings over this and she gave answers that seemed like typical therapy responses. She asked me to give her a chance.. And since I can't afford therapy and shes my only public health option, I will.

She also made the comparison that if it was a friendship, I would then naturally expect something back.

To me, that's an unfair comparison. I know therapy is all about the client but to not give anything back is not always helpful.

I also am not wanting her to speak to me as a friend but there is a healthy level of disclosure between all or nothing.

I too would find a blank slate frustrating. I mean, I don't want my T to go on and on and on about herself and her life, but I do want to know a few things to make her human. Like with my T I know when she was young she worked at Disneyland. (We bond over Disneyland.) And I know she is divorced. I know she has two kids. Grown up kids. I know she had trouble conceiving. So I know quite a lot but it's not like she spends tons of time in session talking about herself. Just here and there she will say something about her life and it makes her more real. I've never had any T that is a blank slate. They have all disclosed some things about themselves. I would think that asking how long she had been a therapist would be an easy answer. It's not intrusive in my opinion. It's just a basic fact about your T. I'm sorry she isn't a little more forthcoming. I know you gotta work with what you can afford, but it's too bad she is being such a stick in the mud. HUGS Kit

To bear frustration is also helpful.

A blank slate t is helpful to some people but not to others. It's good you're willing to give her a try...maybe you will adjust and find her approach of use. If not, you will know that a t who reveals more of themselves in the room is perhaps a better option.

Wouldn’t work for me. I know T’s experience and training, I know how many kids he has and their names. T talks to me about his granddaughter a lot (because it is particularly relivent to our work). I know about his hobbies, a bit about his health and his lifestyle... and I love it and I trust him all the more for it.

Maybe that works for some people. You can always give it a go to see if it works or not. For me personally it wouldn't work.

Wouldn't work for me. I am a relationship kind of person. I prefer a dialogue. I don't believe every basic question has some deep meaning. I'm sure it works well for some clients. There is a reason that there are different schools of thought for therapy approaches. Thank goodness.

I remember I had one blank slate therapist that I tried. It was like talking to a doorpost. Just felt like I could have done just as well talking to myself. Not for me. After about three sessions, I was bored and felt like I was paying an awful lot of money to a guy who just sat there and stared at me.

You have to know what you need and feel confident enough to say "Enough! I'm taking myself elsewhere" when it isn't working.

Not wanting to say how long she has been a therapist is a bit extreme!

Asking about a T's qualification, years of practice etc. seems a really tame, basic, question.

It's not about giving her a chance, it's about being informed as a client. I don't think I could work with someone like her.

I like to talk about me in therapy, but I like them to talk about me too, not just sit there. Asking how long she has been a therapist is a professional question...seems like that deserves a real answer.

Wouldn't work for me either. My first T (psychoanalyst) wasn't a blank slate by any means but, in the first couple months of seeing him, he alternated a lot between engaging in a dialogue and mostly just sitting there, giving very minimalistic and superficial responses. I told him after a while that I would stop seeing him if he did not do more as it was useless for me to pay a trained professional to mostly just sit with me in a room and listen, I could do that (and more) with many people, for free. He engaged more consistently then. Still wasn't a good T for me, but at least he made some effort in that regard. I did not want him to tell me things about himself (although I do expect basic questions about professional experience to be answered), more to interact with me about whatever I bring to the sessions. My second T was habitually very interactive and it worked much better, even though I can't say it made therapy super helpful for me...but that wasn't only about his approach, it was also a lot about how I used it. Regardless, it felt much more natural and that he was doing something for the money.

Blank slate widens the power differential. They know everything about you and they could be a door knob for all it matters to you. Blank slate was a Freudian thing. Human beings, as has been learned in treatment over the past 100 years, need human contact. We need some level of emotional relating. You can't bond with a door knob. You don't need to know the names of their wife and children but you do need to know that what you say matters. Blank slate will never give that.

I think blank slate can be a euphemism for sociopath. Seriously. The behavior described in the orig post in any other context would be alarming as hell.

Even some of the more open-book therapists I had were, in the big picture, major weirdos, hiding behind a strange and opaque persona.

If you can't imagine a sane person in real life acting the way a therapist acts, could be a problem.

Wouldn't work for me either.

I think it can be extremely useful for some people, because it removes a variable - the therapist. So you can see the things you typically project on other people more clearly, b/c the therapist is literally giving you nothing (so everything is coming from you).

That said... I read a great article (and don't have it handy, I'm so sorry!) that talked about how, for some people, it can be counter-productive and potentially re-traumatizing?

I don't know. I understand the benefits, but I also think that there's something to be said for the relationship (such that it is) and an appropriate level of sharing.

Edit to add: regarding the article, I may be confused. It might have been that "silence" could be re-traumatizing, not necessarily "blank slate". It's been awhile since I looked it up. Apologies if I've got it wrong.

I imagine going to hire a baby sitter and having them be the same way. Kinda cagey.

Like 'Well you're children wouldn't be first I've looked after' Then them leaving it at that...

But I am not 'hiring' this therapist directly because it's through the public health system that's free. Should I be given less rights?

I dunno

And I wouldn't be keen on hiring a babysitter that responds like that...

Regardless of the how and why and where your services are being offered for or paid by who ever you deserve to ask questions.

When I met my T ( 8 years ago) our first meeting was my listing what I’m struggling , I was fresh out of IP.

He had his certificates on the wall and I pointed and asked him where he studied, I couldn’t read what they said where I was sitting. He told me where he studied, he worked for X places, he explained his boundaries as far as contact between sessions , cancellations policy’s, he gave me a run down about his “ style “ of Therapy.

I think those kinds of things should be talked about , you have a right to know there professional degrees.

If she’s someone that’s going to just not help you push to get in with a different T

Be proactive Squeeky wheels do get oil

R started off like this, and it just made me more obsessive about trying to find out everything I could about him online- He quickly learnt that if I asked him how he was an he didn't answer me that was enough to set me off. Thank goodness for supervision! But I've been with him for almost three years now and he's opened up a lot more. Random books he's read. TV shows and movies we both like.

Interesting post. I´m in a rather similar position as you, I recently met with a new therapist and as yours, mine is working within public health care. I can´t afford to pay for therapy.

Your description of your T makes me think it´s combination of her being rather inexperienced and that she´s bound to adhere to the facility´s policy. It seems she relies on schoolbook examples and that she repeats standard answers to question you have.

She seems to want to start therapy with you as she says you should give her a chance and that´s a good sign. But if she can´t answer questions about how she works, about her credits and she doesn´t seem to invite you into a discussion about therapy I would hesitate starting therapy with her.

It´s a bit odd that they offer psychoanalysis or psychoanalytically oriented therapies within public health care as they strive to cut costs and offer mostly brief counselling.

You're right, that was a basic question and she should have answered it. It's fine to explore the reasons behind your asking it... but only as long as she also gives you an answer about how much experience she has. That's literally a textbook example of a question that even a "blank slate" therapist is supposed to provide an answer for, because you have the right as a client to know about her professional qualifications.

My therapist is a psychoanalyst, and is fairly neutral on the whole, but he never would have hesitated to answer a question like that--he's been very straightforward about his past professional experience, education, and training. I wouldn't even count those subjects as "self-disclosure." Her refusal seems obviously about her being insecure about her inexperience, not her theoretical orientation as a therapist.

I think the definition of blank slate can vary a bit. I’d classify my therapist as blank slate-ish, but I have no doubt that he’d answer a question about his training or how many years he’s been in practice. Perhaps you can work this out, but seems like it might be a bit of a red flag.

I totally agree with Sarah...

I think it's a mixture of in experience and wanting to play it by the book.

My last T disclosed alot so it feels like one extreme to another.

I agree, it sounds like she's either in training or just qualified and playing by the 'book'.

It's a classic question that a lot of analytic therapists won't answer straight off the bat, because it really translates to: How long have you been doing this, will you have enough experience to be able to care for me? By not directly answering, she can help you reflect on your vulnerability and dependancy needs within the relationship.

Having said that, it is extremely frustrating and a bit infantilising. As we are paying for a service, we should know what we are paying for... i.e. how much experience the therapist has. I think it can also hinder the relationship. My therapist is a bit like this, it hasn't helped our relationship in the long run, it's taken a really long time to get anywhere. If I were to start again with someone else, I would choose someone who was a little more open and less rigid.