Couch 206: The Hersilia Couch

The intimacy thing was part of her argument yes. She also said consistency is important and anything less than weekly she'd be colluding with me.

Would it be rational to say that "I appreciate your thoughts and respect what you're saying about my intimacy issues, but at this time I do not feel ready to delve further into them. I also feel that due to the intense nature of my feelings for you it may be better for me to work with someone else for a time."?

That line really spoke to me too. Its like, nobody listens to me! I actually said that to my t a couple of times, "you never listen to me!" Which if THAT wasnt transference, i dont know what is. Or what it is. Anyway, could be my favorite line of all time on tv.

Colluding with you about what?

If that's how you feel then yes, tell her. Rationality just means trying to speak with clarity and not with emotion which is exceptionally hard in these kinds of situations. I'm not sure I could do it. Just stay as calm as you can and reliterate that you know she doesn't agree but it's what you want. All this should be about what you want, no question. If you don't want to delve into something, that is absolutely your choice, not Ts.

Because it reminded her of OUR relationship

I don't think it's pathetic.

A lot of clients struggle with object constancy- me included.

It's okay to be attached.

if it helps you get through the week, I don't think P would mind.

"(note I am talking about the action - not the emotion)"

I literally said - action not the emotion.
I have no stake in whether you go back to the therapist or not. Or any choice you make really, just offering an observation and suggestion that one need not react to every emotion one has - just have it and not do anything.

Vacations are just vacations and also not just vacations at the same time.

Did you T allow you contact during the break?

I am, in a lot of ways, a very sentimental person.
Not often at movies - there I tend to laugh in the wrong places. But I don't see a lot of movies. I really don't have the patience to sit through them.

good lord

Oh thanks for this- I've always been told that I was too sensitive.

Oh i know. I was trying to explain and I did a rotten job of it that I really don't know how to act from anywhere but my emotions. Maybe I should talk about that because she hasn't been able to help me with that I need to move on to someone else who hopefully can.

Artie - saying, "well i guess im gonna quit then!" sounds like youre delivering a snarky ultimatum, which i dont think you mean - it sounds like your h, not you. What you said in the later post, about not being sure if you can work out whatever issue with her, or even if you want to now, is more honest.

I think colluding in this case means hanging out in this half-in, half-out status. Every other week would probably give you time to make up and break up with your h on a regular basis? A guy called me wishy-washy in high school and i still remember it!!!

Eta - re reacting from emotions. I yelled at last t because it was like all these yeeeears ts were asking me, what are you feeeeeling, then when i finally feeeeel it, they were like, okay now dont DO that!! I was like wtf?! But i get it now. Hold onto it, and merge it with rational mind, to get wise mind. Its like the spice in your chili.

Well, think of the following:

1) were your reasons for leaving rational? (Frankly on here they seemed to have a lot to do with money and your love for her, which seem to be emotional triggers for you.). That’s not to say it’s the wrong decision, it just comes across as emotional.
2) just the way you characterize your response suggests you viewed the whole thing emotionally. You say argue, for instance. That’s an emotionally loaded word. Was she arguing? Some things you’ve described on here seem out of character for her, like mocking your lazy eye. Did she say that directly or are you just sensitive on the topic so that it seemed like she did say it when she said she saw something peeking out of your eye?
3) the rational response would have been discussion and exchange of viewpoints. As far as I can tell the two of you didn’t discuss views of where your therapy is at. You think x, she disagrees, end of conversation, apparently that’s it. Gathering information is important to making rational decisions.
4) you heard her complain you’re not thinking of other people, and you assumed she meant herself, but she might not have.

Look, I’ve broken with two therapists—DBC and Piaf—who both said something enraging and hurtful. In both instances we talked about it for the rest of the session, then I went away and made my decision: could I come back from that comment and work with them? Definitely not in Piaf’s case, because she told me I was a difficult client because of my hearing. DBC I took longer to decide and in the end it wasn’t so much the comment as we didn’t get along anyway. But ultimately my answer was no to both. But I did give Cactus Woman another chance after she said she worried I’d make a complaint about her and we did work through that.

Your approach sometimes reminds me of the old Hollywood saying you’re only as good as the last movie you made. Your husband listens, so he loves you. The therapist seems critical, so she must be throwing you out.

Look big picture. See the forest not the trees.

Do you mean her jealousy of you and me or your side relationship with her? Don’t think I don’t know about it...

No. It means thinking things through, testing assumptions, examining your own thought processes critically.

It is not a cover for emotion.

I've done this before, sending the email making sure he still exists (to both Dr. T and ex-MC), generally if they're away, but I think I may have done that another time with each of them, too. I don't think it's pathetic--you're struggling right now. I'm sorry you got triggered. T vacations are really difficult...

Right now she is away so there is no contact but then I am away and I guess I can email if I want ?? But I don't think I do want to

I’ve done that with No. 1. I felt pathetic but she didn’t take it that way. If it would help I would do it.

Ex T 2 used to say something about me being the sky and sometimes storm clouds come in and out but i needn't do anything but be the sky? Idk I don't remember exactly.

As SD said, you can feel any emotion but you don't have to transfer that to action, you can simply just feel and wait.

ditt. I don't think T's tend to mind a simple check in or think of it much at all.

I thought we were couchyamorous!

you and @@ were planning a wedding before i came along just sayin....

You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but yes I do think you could email her after she returned.

Emailed my long-term T (Liz) to tentatively set up an appointment after a three-month break that began in a dramatic fashion. Her response was oddly businesslike, and SHE SPELLED MY NAME WRONG. Ugh. It already feels like we will never be about to work things out.

Was she emailing from her phone maybe? Could have been an autocorrect fail. Hope you can work things out.