Couch 207: The spiced gingerbread couch

I'm tired today. I had trouble getting to sleep last night. Then I finally did and the stupid alarm clock went off. I usually get up around 4:30 AM but I slept until about 6 AM. I'm kind of bored at work too. I was busy this morning with stuff and in about an hour and a half I have something to do to send to the controller but right now I'm kind of in a holding pattern. I feel depressed. I want to SH. Can't seem to shift my mood. Sigh.

That's a good consideration, but I don't think so re: Dr. T. He's very aware she's on the spectrum and often mentions that and the challenges that go along with it. And, whether his son is actually on it or not, he seems quite knowledgeable about how kids on the spectrum can be compared to their peers. And I should clarify that what I've talked to Dr. T about with H is more him grabbing her and sort of shoving her into a coat if she doesn't want to put it on (not, like, helping her put it on, more forcing her into it). I'm of course not thinking of stuff like if she fell asleep and needed to be helped to bed.

I'm probably not giving the best examples here, but it can be hard to describe exactly how he is with her at times.

Called in sick to work again today - this cold has morphed into an asthma flare-up. I got short of breath just walking through the grocery store and had to stop and rest. I emailed my PCP and here's hoping she sends in an RX since I just saw her 2 weeks ago and I don't want to go back so soon.

Hope you feel better soon, Polibeth.

Thanks - PCP got back to me and called in the prescriptions I need so I'm optimistic I'll feel better soon

HUGS @Polibeth hope you feel better soon!

T in 13 mins. I can't stop shaking!

HUGS @ScarletPimpernel

I think those are all things that should be mentioned to P.

Going to go to my T and Pdoc's office tonight after work to make some more appointments and also to see if they can straighten out my copays. I have been paying a copay but my explanation of benefits says that I shouldn't be. I hate doing stuff like this but it's added up to several hundred dollars, so I'd like to get it settled. I was going to go on Friday after work but I chickened out. So I really should go tonight.

I texted my pastor's wife because she is going to be my accountability partner, since I am wanting to engage in SH behavior. I will see how this works. It is sort of scary but at least it is just text you know. That makes it a little easier.

Was just thinking the same.

Out of curiosity, LT, how do you handle it when your daughter won’t put her coat on and she needs a coat? Not saying one way or the other is better, just wondering. Up until about 5 I could be very difficult about putting boots on and they were often put on for me. I don’t recall it bothering me at the time, but I’m not your daughter.

Remember ATAT's student who thought he was the center of the universe for everyone and had the right to hold the whole class hostage. And students who can't read certain books because they are too upsetting, or the fact that trigger warnings on a syllabus is a real thing as opposed to some monty python skit. My person was contacted by a transfer student's mother because the mother wanted to make sure none of the poetry in her class would be sexual in any way. Not even the student - but the student's mother - a transfer student - not a freshman (which would be idiotic enough).
Just stop it.

Yes - we had coats, hats, shoes etc all put on us if we did not do it - not helped but wrangled into if need be.
Not a traumatic experience for us.

I had a phone call with my T and wanted him to help me feel comforted or contained somehow after discussing some intense stuff with him on Friday... but that didn’t happen. Instead we got back into that stuff about him thinking I have erotic transference for him. I hate this.

My oldest got suspended from school today for 1 day. He was being unsafe against his teachers and trying to bang his head between the door and the wall. Then my D had a bad day with meltdowns at preschool today as well. I also got a call from the early invention place in town because CPS automatically puts in a referral for an evaluation if there's a child under the age of 3 in the house when a case of abuse or neglect has been founded. So now Thursday I have to take my youngest for a developmental evaluation. H's response was "Its like they're trying to find more **** to blame me for." 🙄
I'm exhausted mentally.

Session with T went well. He of course said I can come in and talk about whatever is on my mind even if I talk about icecream.

Might be a bit TMi so i apologize

Could be different for an autistic child, though, if they have sensory/touch issues as many people with autism do.

I'm just trying to figure out how to do that without seeming like I'm throwing H under the bus. I could certainly email her, for example, or hand her a note at the start of session next week when it's just me and D, but that seems underhanded. If H and I go again in a couple weeks (she suggested this), I could bring it up, but I'm just not sure how without seeming accusatory. Suggestions?

Also I had to explain to him what “maintain plausible deniability” means.

I use words. Generally I just say that she has to put one on, she has no choice, and she eventually gives in. Or I might say, "Well, you can wear coat x or coat y but you have to wear a coat," so giving her a choice. My method might take an extra minute (often it doesn't), but it works just fine.

Hugs, that sucks that he's focusing on that when it isn't what you need to talk about...

I would couch in terms of different styles - "When X won't put her coat on I do this and H does (describe what you see). Is there another way you can suggest for us to approach this situation that might put us all on the same page and be effective?"
I would definitely not write the therapist or bring it up without your husband being there if you want him to buy into it. If both of your approaches work, why do you want him to change his?

There is also always the idea that one interprets what the other parent does with our own set of biases. So at times we over identify with how we felt as a child rather than what is really going on in real moment with the child and the other parent.

Suggest to him beforehand that he bring it up himself? Explain why you think it’s important.

I am always fascinated by the things therapists don’t know.

You don't have to be all that smart to get through therapy school.