Couch 207: The spiced gingerbread couch

This is not your fault.
This is not your fault.
This is not your fault.

None of these "men" will ever actually show their real selves when you first meet them. Abuse is insidious and it often does escalate.

My mother has still stayed with my father despite the number of times I saw her being beaten and crying on the stairs. I've lost count of the number of times the police were called. I'm actually 28 now and she tells us that she stayed for "us kids". I honestly used to wish they would get a divorce and at one point I did resent her for staying. Like NP said you don't have to say a word, but I'm sure your kids are already aware of everything and it sadly does affect them.I remember you posted a picture of your two daughters in dresses. What would you say if it was one them who came to you?

The first boy I got involved was actually quite horrible but that's the only thing I had learnt. I kept going back again and again- so you won't get any judging from me and I'm sorry if I come across that way.

There's this quote I like- you won't know how much love and respect you deserve until you walk away from everything you settled for. You don't owe your H s-x just because you're married. I think shouting about his own wants/ desires for s-x when you've told him how seriously suicidal you are says everything.

You won't leave until you're ready- it's the same as learning to walk. You've got to learn how to crawl and stand first.

Please become a T.

It's not stupid at all. I think most of us would want the same thing.

What do you think that would look like in practice?

Giving choice sounds like a better approach over being forced into a coat, which could trigger D.

I would give him a heads up first saying that you would like to talk about it with P in your next session- it's not you throwing him under the bus. It is something that needs to be addressed so you can help D.

Aww thank you.



Oddly enough I think I've had very professional teachers and I've got a solid group. We're a mix between the ages of 29 down to 23 and the only odd comment about MH that I've heard has been from one therapist at the hospital. There hasn't been any jokes about any of our patients once they've walked out of the room.

I think you're brave for sharing with your colleagues , but I don't think I could do that. Only one guy In my group I spent a lot of hours with in surgery last year knows about the BPD.

Today we had a 16 year old who had been hospitalized for the past 2 weeks and it honestly did make me so sad. That was me at 16.

Hi Couch,

I'm struggling tonight. Been gently let go from an opportunity that I was really excited about. I understand their reasoning, but it still sucks. Need to respond to the organiser of an event I'm involved in through work about how many seats we'll need to be reserved, but my ability to word has gone.

Well, this is the darkest timeline...so I’m not a therapist.

I'm not even really sure. I think it has to do with him speaking gently to me. But tbh I think I want him to be able to intuit what I need and provide it.

I think I know what you mean by this. My T speaks in a more gentle tone at times if I'm particularly upset (ex-MC was more extreme about it, with what I called the "super caring voice"). And there's just something about how he phrases things differently at times. I've also told him on a few occasions in session that I just need support right now and more often than that in email. He tends to give "feedback" and sometimes challenge me on things, so those are my signals that it's not the right time to do that, like if I'm in a bad place mentally.

I don't see where your T would get erotic transference from that request though (possibly paternal? like wanting to be taken care of? But still...)

Community reference?

HUGS @LostOnTheTrail I'm so sorry you are struggling. Sending you gentle, warm hugs. Kit

I managed to not SH yesterday. The text from my Pastor T's wife wasn't really helpful and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with it really. It was like, well that's a nice sentiment that she wrote me but it didn't do anything to change how I feel inside. I think Regular T will want me to set a new goal for No SH tonight. I'm not really up for that at the moment. But if I don't set one with her then Pastor T said he would set one with me on Monday. Maybe I am being obstinate. It's like two people pressuring me not to SH. And I want to want to not do it. But at the moment I want to. It's complicated. I don't know how it is going to go tonight.

Last night i dreamed about my exT we had a session and he gave me a card with a nsme on it and he said he was going away for a year and to see the name on the card. I left and wandered round a surreal cityscape. It was frightening

Got my piercings back in! The industrial hurts so bad! My ear is super hot from it having to be stretched.

Things with T went really well. I was able to talk to her about everything in one session, so I won't see her for a second. She says she's fine with me staying with L. She said it was a wise decision. And she told me that she would always be my long-term T and will be there when L and I finish. She liked all the gifts I gave to her and might keep some in her office. She loved the baby blanket. I got to see a picture of the baby! She did tell me that every couple of years she's going to take a couple months off for the summer. When I'm with her, she wants me to find another therapist for that time. She's hoping that I gain a new experience/perspective like I did with L. Then I go back to her again when I'm ready.

I'm just so happy right now that T is back and L is still in my life. She didn't abandon me even though this was the perfect opportunity to do so.

Seeing T in a few minutes and I'm already on edge. Today hasn't been a good day and I want to unload it all.

I need to go back to therapy. Well I need my sister to be in therapy and on some anti-psychotics, but since she won't, I need to learn how to deal with it all.

Honestly I'd rather take up alcoholism again instead. Kidding, but an escape would be great.

Sorry couch, thanks for listening. Hugs for everyone!

My sisters eventual ex husband doesn’t deserve to be a father. He’s a terrible human being. He uses his child as leverage and bait and he’s awful for the way he treats my sister. He’s already lost so many friends, half his family, (I ran into his mother and she told me he’s dead to her), his whole car club got up and left him and started a new one without him. All he has left is his father and brother who’s just like him. I hope he enjoys his lonely life with his w h o r e.

My sister can’t move into the house my dad bought for her yet. She talked to the lawyer today-there are steps to take first, papers to file, It’s going to be a few months before she can move into it. My dad said he will just keep it empty for her and pay the mortgage on it until she can move into it. I have to say the biggest fear I have is that I know this guy is a little off his rocker. He’s displayed that with past actions. Even though he’s never physically harmed my sister or the baby I’m worried about their safety in the sense that one day he’s just going to lose his s h i t and do something drastic.

Well Prednisone and antibiotics ended up being the miracle cure I needed to get over this lung crap. I feel much better today and ready to return to work tomorrow.

I’m glad Polibeth. That one really knocked ya on your ***. Nice to see you back up and ready to go.

Thanks - and I hope everything falls into place for your sister

My real fb profile has been disabled while fake one i use buy things is still active with a ridiculous name. The name on my fake one goes something like this waggle robber

I can't have any social media under my real name because my ex is a stalker. FB cracked down on aliases. Guess who's using an alias? Lol if they ever ask for ID it's over.

Guess it’s time for bed. Work, get annoyed, get depressed, eat, sleep, shake with anxiety, repeat it again the next day.

Hugs @Jersey 4

Just sitting in Ts waiting room....waiting for my appointment listening to some terrible elevator music.