Couch 207: The spiced gingerbread couch

The weather here is awful. I hate driving in this mess.

The cats have not accepted that is is extremely (record breakingly) cold outside of every door. My ancient cat goes out and then comes back in pissed at me and the dogs.

Every year during the fires some low life scum loots abandoned houses. And people ignore the total fire bans 3 people were caught and fined so far even if you are new to the area there are fire ban boards every where and reports at the end of every newscast

H is acting like a total you know what today since he knows CPS is coming tomorrow afternoon. I'm ready to deck him one.

I told T about last night which was a hard discussion. I'm actually surprised he didnt mention the hospital after what I said. He did make some comments about it that I dont know is appropriate to share on here.

Hugs...if you want to share anything, feel free to PM me (I'll likely be going to sleep soon, but will look at it tomorrow).

Today is the day of my GP appointment where I am going to *try* to get my pap smear done. Ugh. I'm alternating between states of being really freaked out and being totally numb. My pastor's wife texted me this morning and that was nice. And I'm supposed to call Pastor T on my lunch today. We are going to do a visualization exercise. And then call him after the GP appointment. Then I have regular T tonight, so that should be plenty of people to process with, if I am actually able to go through with the pap smear which is a total if. I want to SH and I'm really upset that Pastor T said I couldn't. I feel like I can't because I was told not to, so if I were to do it, I would feel way worse than normal afterward. Plus I don't know what that would do to my relationship with him. So even though I did bring stuff with me to work to SH with, I'm trying to keep it in my bag and not let myself think about it. So far I am not very busy at work which isn't helpful. Being distracted would be good. I guess I am looking forward to regular T tonight so I can discuss the GP appointment and also my feelings about being told I can't SH. Being told you can't do something makes it like 100 times worse because automatically you want to do it. I don't know if that is resistance or opposition, or just plain human nature. I don't feel like I had a say in whether or not I can SH. Pastor T just told me I can't. I do have a say whether or not I get the pap smear but I really want to be able to do it and get it over with because I am well over due. This sucks. I'm in a no win situation. I don't even want to talk to Pastor T on my break but I guess I should. Hugs to anyone who wants one! Kit

HUGS @SheHulk07 I'm so sorry that your H is acting like a jerk. I hope the CPS appointment goes well. When do you see T again? HUGS Kit

Does anybody else consider what song will start playing when the mechanic starts their car to move it into the garage? The guy who will be changing my oil today will be greeted to the dulcet tones of "Pillowland" by Laurie Berkner, which is my kid's current favorite song.

Nope, never really thought about it before! I suppose they get all sorts of songs when they start up cars, so they are probably used to everything!

R replied to my email today, understands the situation, and reiterated that I am in charge of the agenda. That is uncomfortable, because there is so much to talk about.

HUGS @LostOnTheTrail when do you see R again?

Tomorrow morning. Sent her a catch up email, and she reminded me that I am in charge, but that is hard.

Thank you. They're coming today at 2:30 today and I'm freaking out. I want to talk to T beforehand but wont bother him as I see him this evening.

Hugs to you too, Kit. I hope you're able to get the pap done.

I would probably be freaking out too @SheHulk07 I hope the appointment goes okay and the appointment with your T too. HUGS!!!! Kit

So this is my "session"? (online) summary, I don't normally see him on Wednesdays but he wouldn't be here on friday. I'm leaning towards not paying for it as we ended early and it was botched.

I was supposed to see R today at 5.00pm.
He was late by only 4 mins.
I began to cry because I'm me.
We spoke for 6 mins before the call was disconnected. I sent him a screen shot (his internet stuff not mine).

I got angry and said i wanted my full 50 mins and I didn't care if there was someone behind me and that he was just silent and didn't even apologize for being late. What would he do If I didn't pay?

He got angry back and said he couldn't work with me.When I didn't even show my video and that I wasn't willing to do the work and pushed a gun his head. That I was threatening him when I said that maybe I would complain about him not sending the therapy notes I asked for.
He said that maybe we should end this session and set an end date.

I said that I was sorry.Showed my video feed but not my face and just cried for 5 mins.

I hung up.

I whatsapp called him 5 mins later.
He was softer and apologized that he was late and for the technical issues at the start.. We arranged for 3pm on a tuesday because I have another exam on friday next week but I get that he's human and I'm difficult to work with but he doesn't feel safe.

I think if it helped calm you down I would message your T.



Have CPS given you a reason why they're coming around?

Who the eff cares he doesn’t feel safe? Not your job, Lemon. And you’re not even in the same city.

Sorry, (Lemon). That sucks.

(Kit), I have faith in you. You can get through this Pap smear. You can also avoid sh too. To survive what you have already in life is awe-inspiring. Just remember that, however things go.

Sorry for not being clear the not safe thing is coming from me- he didn't say that.

Oh. Stupid ambiguous sloppy English language.

It would have been MUCH clearer in any decent inflected language.

A lot of women are afraid of getting a pap done. You're doing your best.If you can get it done today that is a big achievement but if you also needed more time that's perfectly okay as well. Would it help if you asked for a female doc only?

Telling someone not to think about the pink elephant does only make them think about it more.

I love you @@.

Two words: cat coats.

https://www.amazon.com/Sleeves-Sweat...=fsclp_pl_dp_1

I’m tired. There isn’t enough caffeine in the world to get me to the end of this work day.

If someone came to me tomorrow and offered me a job doing almost anything else that the pays what I make then I would quit tomorrow.

Three words: infected cat scratches.

Triple Antibiotic Ointment - 1 Oz https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000GCNDGK..._GYeZDbM9307RJ



((Jersey))

HUGS @Jersey 4 I'm sorry you are tired, you also sound a little worn out. I hope you get some energy to get you through the day!


HUGS @Lemoncake I'm sorry your appointment didn't go well with your T. That sounds awfully confusing and stressful. HUGS!!