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  #851  
Old Dec 27, 2019, 05:15 PM
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Gosh, that sounds horrible SK. I don't like children very much. Babies are ok, but once they get old enough to talk, things start going downhill and don't start looking up for many years. I'm glad I don't plan on having any. Seems so stressful. I also try not to judge since I am not a parent and 95% of the time when I see kids acting up, I just feel sorry for the parent. However, there do seem to be all sorts of what I consider to be ill-advised parenting trends. I do have an opinion on those because unfortunately, how people raise their children affects all of us in the end when the little monsters grow up.
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  #852  
Old Dec 27, 2019, 06:14 PM
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Cat found! My D must have accidently locked him in the dhed when she put the christmas tree away yesterday. Glad i found him before it got too hot.
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  #853  
Old Dec 27, 2019, 08:29 PM
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Originally Posted by susannahsays View Post
I remembered you talking about sous viding something ages ago and thinking my dad would like that. So, that's what he got for Christmas this year. It seemed to be well received.
I hope he likes it. I used it to make my prime rib for xmas and it was perfect.
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  #854  
Old Dec 27, 2019, 09:36 PM
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D played with another girl at the playground for a long time today. I did my best to just sit on a bench and let them play, without feeling like I should jump in if she was, say, not responding as it seemed she should (because of her being on the spectrum). I think I pretty much succeeded. And D had fun (other girl seemed to as well). So...success!
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  #855  
Old Dec 27, 2019, 10:05 PM
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The past few nights I’ve been going through my photos on my iPad, deleting anything to do with No. 3. Not all done yet, plus there’s my phone too. But I call this progress.

ETA: LT—it’s not my impression kids that age notice unusual social responses. More like hitting or not sharing. The other stuff comes later.
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  #856  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 07:01 AM
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
The past few nights I’ve been going through my photos on my iPad, deleting anything to do with No. 3. Not all done yet, plus there’s my phone too. But I call this progress.

ETA: LT—it’s not my impression kids that age notice unusual social responses. More like hitting or not sharing. The other stuff comes later.

I'd definitely call it progress that you're deleting that stuff. I still have everything from ex-MC, and Dr. T has wondered why I've held onto it all, especially some hurtful exchanges we had, but also a really supportive voice mail. I wasn't sure, but said I think I held onto the hurtful stuff so I could sort of remind myself what happened, that it wasn't just me. And the more positive things to remind myself of the good in the relationship, that I hadn't imagined that. But I also am someone who tends to hold onto things from people in general, good or bad.


Replying to your other comment in separate post because it felt odd putting them together.
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  #857  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 07:15 AM
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As for your comment about kids, @@, that makes sense. I think part of why I felt more comfortable just letting D play with this girl without hovering is that the girl didn't have a parent right there with her (she was sitting in the car in the parking lot to keep an eye on her). I think I most often worry that the parents will be bothered or offended if D reacts oddly or seems rude. And I guess I worry about how that will reflect on me.

I feel awkward saying this part. But we also live in a very diverse area. We're white (I mean very clearly white--D has fair skin and dark blonde hair, H is a redhead, I have dark brown hair but fair skin). And sometimes I worry that if D is acting weird to a kid who's a different race or ethnicity, that the parent might think it's about that. When it's very definitely not, as D doesn't seem to really notice or care about race/ethnicity. So this is clearly my thing and my fear. I keep typing other things about this (like the ethnicity of the girl she was playing with yesterday) and then deleting them because I don't want to offend anyone on here either. So I hope I haven't by anything I've said here already. I think after hearing a talk a year ago on microaggressions that I've become even more overly conscious of my actions. Which in some ways is good. But in other ways, for someone who already has anxiety and worries about what others think of her, is not so good.
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  #858  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 09:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I'd definitely call it progress that you're deleting that stuff. I still have everything from ex-MC, and Dr. T has wondered why I've held onto it all, especially some hurtful exchanges we had, but also a really supportive voice mail. I wasn't sure, but said I think I held onto the hurtful stuff so I could sort of remind myself what happened, that it wasn't just me. And the more positive things to remind myself of the good in the relationship, that I hadn't imagined that. But I also am someone who tends to hold onto things from people in general, good or bad.

I hadn’t actually been looking at the photos. It’s the emails I’ll find really hard to get rid of, and I’m not sure I ever will, even though I don’t read them either. After all, the photos I wasn’t supposed to have but the emails were addressed to me.
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  #859  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 09:54 AM
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chihirochild chihirochild is offline
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Going to the effing gym even though I feel like I effing can't.
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  #860  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 09:59 AM
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atisketatasket atisketatasket is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
As for your comment about kids, @@, that makes sense. I think part of why I felt more comfortable just letting D play with this girl without hovering is that the girl didn't have a parent right there with her (she was sitting in the car in the parking lot to keep an eye on her). I think I most often worry that the parents will be bothered or offended if D reacts oddly or seems rude. And I guess I worry about how that will reflect on me.

I feel awkward saying this part. But we also live in a very diverse area. We're white (I mean very clearly white--D has fair skin and dark blonde hair, H is a redhead, I have dark brown hair but fair skin). And sometimes I worry that if D is acting weird to a kid who's a different race or ethnicity, that the parent might think it's about that. When it's very definitely not, as D doesn't seem to really notice or care about race/ethnicity. So this is clearly my thing and my fear. I keep typing other things about this (like the ethnicity of the girl she was playing with yesterday) and then deleting them because I don't want to offend anyone on here either. So I hope I haven't by anything I've said here already. I think after hearing a talk a year ago on microaggressions that I've become even more overly conscious of my actions. Which in some ways is good. But in other ways, for someone who already has anxiety and worries about what others think of her, is not so good.

I guess I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is not only love her just as she is, because I bet you already do, but also show both her and others you love her as she is—which means not worrying about what others think about her and not correcting behaviors unless they need to be corrected right there (like hitting).

Hard stuff with anxiety.
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  #861  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 10:32 AM
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At this time of year, comfort eating is inevitable. Roll on the 9th of January.
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  #862  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 11:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
I guess I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is not only love her just as she is, because I bet you already do, but also show both her and others you love her as she is—which means not worrying about what others think about her and not correcting behaviors unless they need to be corrected right there (like hitting).

Hard stuff with anxiety.

Thanks for that--I hadn't really thought of it that way before. How if I'm sort of intervening (like answering another kid's question for her if D doesn't) or apologizing for her behavior, then she'll get the message it's not OK.
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  #863  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 01:10 PM
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I can’t keep doing this. I think I need to go back to the effing hospital.
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  #864  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 01:52 PM
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I have had a full day of rest, and still do not feel 'rested'. What the heck is going on?
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  #865  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 03:51 PM
Anonymous48774
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We moved my sister out today. He tried to pull one last stunt last night and stole her passport, engagement ring, wedding band and a package she had delivered. She went to the police and filed a report (mostly for the passport). She then texted him a picture of the police report and told him she called her lawyer and he had until 7pm to return her stuff. (He was out last night) Amazingly her stuff showed back up after that. He didn’t give the engagement ring back but in NJ as long as you get married the ring belongs to the recipient. It’s no longer a conditional gift once you say “I Do.”. He will be forced to give it back to her. She doesn’t want it. It’s just principle.

My guess is that now since he can no longer threaten her on the daily and treat her poorly since she no longer lives there-then he will up his game a bit on other things since the agreement is not signed yet.

I took video of the whole move and recorded everything she took and also recorded the condition in which she left the house so there’s proof Incase he tries to say she took something she wasn’t supposed to.

I hope him and his adolescent girlfriend live a nice happy lonely life together since he lost all his friends and almost his entire family over this.
Karma.

I have to go back and read the couch but I’m tired from moving physical couches. I need a nap.
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  #866  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 04:00 PM
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Ugh, that sucks that he did that, Jersey. That's good you made video for proof. Wonder if he already may have sold or pawned the engagement ring?
  #867  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 04:08 PM
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Ugh, that sucks that he did that, Jersey. That's good you made video for proof. Wonder if he already may have sold or pawned the engagement ring?
If he sold or pawned it he will have to pay my sister the value of the ring. She doesn’t think he did that. She thinks it’s inside the safe they own (he changed the combo on the safe). Her lawyer told her yesterday when he reported the stuff missing to get a locksmith to open the safe (she would be within her rights to have the safe cracked open). But once she texted him the pic of the police report and told him he has till 7pm or she’s getting a lock smith to crack the safe then that’s when he gave her the passport and package back to her. He doesn’t know he will be forced to either give the ring back or pay her the value of it. (He will learn that information soon)
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  #868  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 04:09 PM
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Nervous about date night with H tonight. D is staying over at my parents, so I feel like we should be sexually intimate, but after what happened last weekend, I'm worried about it. I'd talked about it some with T Thursday, but we didn't really figure out what's going on with me regarding that--he said would need to be longer conversation, he thinks (and he said he felt bad that he couldn't give me an answer). I was anxious about tonight so emailed him last night asking for advice, and he replied with supportive email this morning suggesting that I try talking to H about it and mentioning a few things I could emphasize--like how I don't think it's about H, it's not a case of wanting someone else instead, and I'm working in therapy to figure out what's going on. T also suggested that I ask H to take sex off the table tonight, so I don't have that stress. But he also said I should put my own "LT spin" on it, putting things in my words and using my ideas. I can't decide when to bring it up--we head out soon. It's also something awkward to discuss with someone sitting near us, but in the car seems odd, too. We're doing a "Partner Paint Nite" (each do a painting that goes together to make a full scene), so trying something new together. But can't really discuss it then either.


Is it better to say something early and possibly make the evening awkward? Or wait till later, when we're alone? And do I mention I've discussed it with T? (I mean, not the email part.) I feel that could be a little awkward for him, with T being male, but I also am doing that to help improve the marriage.


Possible trigger:
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  #869  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 04:16 PM
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That’s a tough one LT...it may be better to mention it earlier rather than later. I don’t think I would mention talking about it in therapy. Especially with all the past transference with ex MC.
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  #870  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 04:17 PM
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Or until you can explore this more and figure out what it’s about..just don’t have sex?
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  #871  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 04:24 PM
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Thanks, Jersey. That's why I'm torn on mentioning the therapy thing, in part due to ex-MC.
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  #872  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 04:27 PM
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Thanks, Jersey. That's why I'm torn on mentioning the therapy thing, in part due to ex-MC.
I honestly wouldn’t mention bringing it up in therapy. Maybe later when you have it figured out why you feel that way after sex.
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  #873  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 05:54 PM
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Had quick car conversation, to be continued, went OK
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  #874  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 08:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
So, Cats.

Only in a musical would a plot involving a talent competition between cats in singing and dancing to see who gets to die and in which the day is saved by a magician cat with such low self-esteem that he has to hear the same self-esteem-boosting song five or six times before he can do his job and in which the winner of the competition also sings the same song twice be acceptable.

I kept wanting to yell at the cats “put some clothes on!” Especially Idris Elba, who has forever been ruined for me.

Other random notes:

A sign of approval among cats is to lift one leg in the air, thus reminding the audience there is a very thin catsuit between them and the actor’s genitals.

Memo to Info: human being bottom halves do not look their best in spotted cat suit leggings. (I’m sure she has a pair.)

It is kind of creepy when humans do on screen the affectionate gestures cats do to each other in real life.

Lots of old British references to folks like Beau Brummell that I can’t see very many people getting.

Jennifer Hudson can sing. But we knew that.

This musical has no good songs. The best lyrics are straight from Eliot.
@@, i must say, your review was quite comprehensive! I just came across this one, which i also found amusing. Im sorry you had to sit thru all that! i did see the musical 30 yrs ago, and had no idea what was going on. Then i almost got into a fight with some old drunk business guy because i shushed him towards the end. Hey i wanted my moneys worth. He wanted to knock my block off. His companions held him back. Thats my Cats story.

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  #875  
Old Dec 28, 2019, 09:21 PM
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Hi Lovely Couch People --

This is my first post but I've been lurking for a long time and learning so much from you all in my own life and therapy journeys.

unaluna and atisketatasket I have a lot of friends in the theatre world and the Cats movie is really divisive. I understand it's pretty bad. I haven't seen the movie yet, but my Cats story:

When the show first came out and was a major hit in the West End, I went to London when I was a student and got a standby ticket and was blown away by the show. It was amazing.

Fast forward years later, my mom was in town with my niece and she wanted to see Cats on Broadway. I got tickets and when Grizabella sings Memory I totally lost it -- I had just lost my beautiful Russian Blue cat a few weeks earlier, 17 years old and my sweet guy. I'm sitting there sobbing and my 11-year-old niece asks my mom why I'm so sad. She explained it.
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