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#851
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Gosh, that sounds horrible SK. I don't like children very much. Babies are ok, but once they get old enough to talk, things start going downhill and don't start looking up for many years. I'm glad I don't plan on having any. Seems so stressful. I also try not to judge since I am not a parent and 95% of the time when I see kids acting up, I just feel sorry for the parent. However, there do seem to be all sorts of what I consider to be ill-advised parenting trends. I do have an opinion on those because unfortunately, how people raise their children affects all of us in the end when the little monsters grow up.
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Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. -David Gerrold |
![]() SlumberKitty
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![]() SlumberKitty
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#852
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Cat found! My D must have accidently locked him in the dhed when she put the christmas tree away yesterday. Glad i found him before it got too hot.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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![]() atisketatasket, WarmFuzzySocks
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#853
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I hope he likes it. I used it to make my prime rib for xmas and it was perfect.
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Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() SlumberKitty, susannahsays
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#854
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D played with another girl at the playground for a long time today. I did my best to just sit on a bench and let them play, without feeling like I should jump in if she was, say, not responding as it seemed she should (because of her being on the spectrum). I think I pretty much succeeded. And D had fun (other girl seemed to as well). So...success!
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![]() SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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![]() chihirochild, ElectricManatee, WarmFuzzySocks
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#855
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The past few nights I’ve been going through my photos on my iPad, deleting anything to do with No. 3. Not all done yet, plus there’s my phone too. But I call this progress.
ETA: LT—it’s not my impression kids that age notice unusual social responses. More like hitting or not sharing. The other stuff comes later. |
![]() Anonymous48774, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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![]() LonesomeTonight, Polibeth, unaluna
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#856
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Quote:
I'd definitely call it progress that you're deleting that stuff. I still have everything from ex-MC, and Dr. T has wondered why I've held onto it all, especially some hurtful exchanges we had, but also a really supportive voice mail. I wasn't sure, but said I think I held onto the hurtful stuff so I could sort of remind myself what happened, that it wasn't just me. And the more positive things to remind myself of the good in the relationship, that I hadn't imagined that. But I also am someone who tends to hold onto things from people in general, good or bad. Replying to your other comment in separate post because it felt odd putting them together. |
![]() LostOnTheTrail, SlumberKitty
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![]() atisketatasket
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#857
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As for your comment about kids, @@, that makes sense. I think part of why I felt more comfortable just letting D play with this girl without hovering is that the girl didn't have a parent right there with her (she was sitting in the car in the parking lot to keep an eye on her). I think I most often worry that the parents will be bothered or offended if D reacts oddly or seems rude. And I guess I worry about how that will reflect on me.
I feel awkward saying this part. But we also live in a very diverse area. We're white (I mean very clearly white--D has fair skin and dark blonde hair, H is a redhead, I have dark brown hair but fair skin). And sometimes I worry that if D is acting weird to a kid who's a different race or ethnicity, that the parent might think it's about that. When it's very definitely not, as D doesn't seem to really notice or care about race/ethnicity. So this is clearly my thing and my fear. I keep typing other things about this (like the ethnicity of the girl she was playing with yesterday) and then deleting them because I don't want to offend anyone on here either. So I hope I haven't by anything I've said here already. I think after hearing a talk a year ago on microaggressions that I've become even more overly conscious of my actions. Which in some ways is good. But in other ways, for someone who already has anxiety and worries about what others think of her, is not so good. |
![]() SlumberKitty
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#858
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I hadn’t actually been looking at the photos. It’s the emails I’ll find really hard to get rid of, and I’m not sure I ever will, even though I don’t read them either. After all, the photos I wasn’t supposed to have but the emails were addressed to me. |
![]() LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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#859
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Going to the effing gym even though I feel like I effing can't.
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![]() LostOnTheTrail, NP_Complete, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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![]() atisketatasket
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#860
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I guess I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is not only love her just as she is, because I bet you already do, but also show both her and others you love her as she is—which means not worrying about what others think about her and not correcting behaviors unless they need to be corrected right there (like hitting). Hard stuff with anxiety. |
![]() SlumberKitty
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![]() LonesomeTonight, Polibeth, stopdog, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#861
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At this time of year, comfort eating is inevitable. Roll on the 9th of January.
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'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#862
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Thanks for that--I hadn't really thought of it that way before. How if I'm sort of intervening (like answering another kid's question for her if D doesn't) or apologizing for her behavior, then she'll get the message it's not OK. |
![]() CutegirlS, SlumberKitty
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![]() atisketatasket
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#863
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I can’t keep doing this. I think I need to go back to the effing hospital.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, NP_Complete, Polibeth, ScarletPimpernel, SheHulk07, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#864
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I have had a full day of rest, and still do not feel 'rested'. What the heck is going on?
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna
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#865
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We moved my sister out today. He tried to pull one last stunt last night and stole her passport, engagement ring, wedding band and a package she had delivered. She went to the police and filed a report (mostly for the passport). She then texted him a picture of the police report and told him she called her lawyer and he had until 7pm to return her stuff. (He was out last night) Amazingly her stuff showed back up after that. He didn’t give the engagement ring back but in NJ as long as you get married the ring belongs to the recipient. It’s no longer a conditional gift once you say “I Do.”. He will be forced to give it back to her. She doesn’t want it. It’s just principle.
My guess is that now since he can no longer threaten her on the daily and treat her poorly since she no longer lives there-then he will up his game a bit on other things since the agreement is not signed yet. I took video of the whole move and recorded everything she took and also recorded the condition in which she left the house so there’s proof Incase he tries to say she took something she wasn’t supposed to. I hope him and his adolescent girlfriend live a nice happy lonely life together since he lost all his friends and almost his entire family over this. Karma. I have to go back and read the couch but I’m tired from moving physical couches. I need a nap. |
![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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![]() atisketatasket, WarmFuzzySocks
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#866
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Ugh, that sucks that he did that, Jersey. That's good you made video for proof. Wonder if he already may have sold or pawned the engagement ring?
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#867
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If he sold or pawned it he will have to pay my sister the value of the ring. She doesn’t think he did that. She thinks it’s inside the safe they own (he changed the combo on the safe). Her lawyer told her yesterday when he reported the stuff missing to get a locksmith to open the safe (she would be within her rights to have the safe cracked open). But once she texted him the pic of the police report and told him he has till 7pm or she’s getting a lock smith to crack the safe then that’s when he gave her the passport and package back to her. He doesn’t know he will be forced to either give the ring back or pay her the value of it. (He will learn that information soon)
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![]() SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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#868
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Nervous about date night with H tonight. D is staying over at my parents, so I feel like we should be sexually intimate, but after what happened last weekend, I'm worried about it. I'd talked about it some with T Thursday, but we didn't really figure out what's going on with me regarding that--he said would need to be longer conversation, he thinks (and he said he felt bad that he couldn't give me an answer). I was anxious about tonight so emailed him last night asking for advice, and he replied with supportive email this morning suggesting that I try talking to H about it and mentioning a few things I could emphasize--like how I don't think it's about H, it's not a case of wanting someone else instead, and I'm working in therapy to figure out what's going on. T also suggested that I ask H to take sex off the table tonight, so I don't have that stress. But he also said I should put my own "LT spin" on it, putting things in my words and using my ideas. I can't decide when to bring it up--we head out soon. It's also something awkward to discuss with someone sitting near us, but in the car seems odd, too. We're doing a "Partner Paint Nite" (each do a painting that goes together to make a full scene), so trying something new together. But can't really discuss it then either.
Is it better to say something early and possibly make the evening awkward? Or wait till later, when we're alone? And do I mention I've discussed it with T? (I mean, not the email part.) I feel that could be a little awkward for him, with T being male, but I also am doing that to help improve the marriage.
Possible trigger:
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![]() SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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#869
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That’s a tough one LT...it may be better to mention it earlier rather than later. I don’t think I would mention talking about it in therapy. Especially with all the past transference with ex MC.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#870
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Or until you can explore this more and figure out what it’s about..just don’t have sex?
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty
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#871
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Thanks, Jersey. That's why I'm torn on mentioning the therapy thing, in part due to ex-MC.
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![]() SlumberKitty
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![]() SlumberKitty
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#872
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I honestly wouldn’t mention bringing it up in therapy. Maybe later when you have it figured out why you feel that way after sex.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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#873
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Had quick car conversation, to be continued, went OK
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![]() Anonymous48774, SheHulk07, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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![]() WarmFuzzySocks
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#874
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Quote:
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![]() atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, WarmFuzzySocks
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#875
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Hi Lovely Couch People --
This is my first post but I've been lurking for a long time and learning so much from you all in my own life and therapy journeys. unaluna and atisketatasket I have a lot of friends in the theatre world and the Cats movie is really divisive. I understand it's pretty bad. I haven't seen the movie yet, but my Cats story: When the show first came out and was a major hit in the West End, I went to London when I was a student and got a standby ticket and was blown away by the show. It was amazing. Fast forward years later, my mom was in town with my niece and she wanted to see Cats on Broadway. I got tickets and when Grizabella sings Memory I totally lost it -- I had just lost my beautiful Russian Blue cat a few weeks earlier, 17 years old and my sweet guy. I'm sitting there sobbing and my 11-year-old niece asks my mom why I'm so sad. She explained it. |
![]() atisketatasket, chihirochild, LonesomeTonight, SlumberKitty, unaluna, WarmFuzzySocks
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![]() atisketatasket, unaluna
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Closed Thread |
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