[hopealwayz]

Yesterday, one of the ladies in the office was absolutely RUDE to me. It was clearly obvious. When I said something about how I was treated to
both the office manager and doctor, they didn’t even care. Her attitude towards me is pretty clear but I have no choice but to take it because I don’t want to be terminated. What do I do?

[Shotokan]

Do you mean that your doctor and the office manager didn't seem to care about how rude the staff member was to you? I didn't really understand your post.

Although, I don't know what took place, you can say this to the worker: "I don't appreciate you speaking to me that way. I'd like for it to not happen again." By saying this, you are being assertive and setting boundaries with the staff member.

What did the staff member say that was rude?

[hopealwayz]

The doctor and office manager didn’t say anything to her.

I was assertive and asked her not to speak to me that way.

She seemed more calmed down when I spoke to her today but it was obvious that it was forced. I tried to be nice to her.

I don’t really remember how it started.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Sounds like you handled it well. Some people are just rude -- office people are no exception. Just deal with her only on business matters and try not to let the turkeys get you down. Some people are just that way and the trick is to not take it personally.

[Out There]

Good for you for being assertive , she calmed down. People will only walk all over you if you let them , so don't let them !

[nottrustin]

While it shouldn't happen, remember they are human and occasionally have a bad day. Today I went to work not feeling well both emotionally and physically. People commented on me not being my normal bubbly self. I went in to get what had to be done done. There is no backup coverage for me at the moment. I wanted to make sure our patients were in the system so the providers were taken care of and able provide patient care. I dont think I was rude but defdefinitely not what my patients are accustomed to.

[winter4me]

Sounds like they did talk to her, in private. We all screw up sometimes. If you do interact with her again, be friendly, she will likely be relieved...
If it is a recurrent problem, be assertive. I think you did well also. kudos

[hopealwayz]

It also doesn’t help that she is married to my doctor. So I’m scared that he will always take her side. For example, I called today to be put on the waiting list which the other office lady has always done but the office person I was talking to go mad about the waiting list, put me on hold and then got the doctor who fussed at me. I’m now scared to even talk to any of them.

[SlumberKitty]

Hi Hope, while office staff should always be professional, sometimes people just have bad days. Like myself, I guess my depression/self-destructiveness is showing through because the GM stopped in to talk to me this morning because he thought maybe I was stressed or something. I think I've been acting the way I always act, but I guess not. I guess my emotional disturbance is more seen at the moment. Try to not let someone have that kind of power over you where you are scared to talk to them, any of them, because of the way that one interaction went. Hang in there, lots of hugs Kit

[ArtleyWilkins]

You might consider that you may be personalizing interactions a bit more than most people would. You have frequently written about the office staff hating you, being mad at you, etc. The reality is that their feelings about you probably aren't anywhere near that strong. They deal with dozens and dozens of patients, phone calls, sales reps, etc. in a single day. They may be grouchy or have the personality of a toad, but my guess is that they don't invest a great deal of time thinking about any one person they deal with to the point of "hating" them, etc. I could be wrong, but you do have a tendency to frame your interpretations of other people in terms of "they hate me" or "they are angry at me."

[Shotokan]

You mentioned that you were jealous and upset because he got married. Does this make it even harder for you to focus on your therapy because she is there?

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

You might consider that you may be personalizing interactions a bit more than most people would. You have frequently written about the office staff hating you, being mad at you, etc. The reality is that their feelings about you probably aren't anywhere near that strong. They deal with dozens and dozens of patients, phone calls, sales reps, etc. in a single day. They may be grouchy or have the personality of a toad, but my guess is that they don't invest a great deal of time thinking about any one person they deal with to the point of "hating" them, etc. I could be wrong, but you do have a tendency to frame your interpretations of other people in terms of "they hate me" or "they are angry at me."

It wasn’t just me. My sister went with me to an appointment and she told me that she was rude to her.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by Shotokan

You mentioned that you were jealous and upset because he got married. Does this make it even harder for you to focus on your therapy because she is there?

No, once I’m in the back, I don’t think about her at all. She’s not always there. She’s only there sometimes.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

It wasn’t just me. My sister went with me to an appointment and she told me that she was rude to her.

I realize that. But when dealing with rude people you basically have two choices: you can take it personally which it probably isn't, or you can say to yourself, "Self, that person is a rude person. I bet that's the way they treat lots of people. Rude!" and move on.

You handled it well. You told her employer and advocated for better treatment. Go one step further -- don't take her rudeness as a personal judgment; she's just a jerk.

[Shotokan]

If she was also rude to your sister, than it is not personal. Maybe she is burnt out or just rude in general.

[hopealwayz]

I don’t think it matters now because I think they are throwing me out. It started when I asked if I could get on the cancellation list for this week due to sui thoughts. Hours later, no response so I wrote back and said I wasn’t coming back. And then I felt bad so I wrote and begged T not to quit on me.

It’s probably over.

None of this happened until the incident when I mentioned the rudeness.

Maybe now she can be talking to him about getting rid of me.

[hopealwayz]

I couldn’t take the email stuff anymore so I called and talked to someone different and asked her if I was thrown out and she said no.

[LonesomeTonight]

Hugs. They may not have seen the email about asking to be put on cancellation list. It might be best to call for something like that.

[hopealwayz]

I don’t know why my anxiety is so terrible.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs. They may not have seen the email about asking to be put on cancellation list. It might be best to call for something like that.

Thanks for that suggestion. I will do that from now on. All the waiting just makes my anxiety worse and then it triggers a panic attack. And then the next thing that
happens is that I feel humiliated.

[SlumberKitty]

Hey Hope, try not to get ahead of yourself. Hang in there. Sometimes it takes people a while to respond to their emails....sometimes the server goes down, or something happens out of their control. And it is Thursday so that means there is only a day and a few hours left in the week so they might not have had cancellations this week. Try not to get in the cycle of emailing, then emailing something else, then emailing something else. This cycle only seems to make you feel worse. Try to not go to the worst conclusions such as: it is probably over. There are many possibilities and there are many reasons why someone has or has not responded to you. Maybe look back at some of your previous posts and remember how good your T has been for you. I doubt your T is going to get rid of you just because someone on staff was rude to you. If anything, the person on staff should be talked to about how their behavior towards clients affects them.


I once had called my former T's office (when she was still my T) worried because she had not responded to my emails all week which was uncharacteristic. I was worried that perhaps she was sick, or had died, or gotten into an accident. In other words--my imagination and my fears got away from me! The receptionist told me, she's just been busy. And did not even tell the therapist that I had called. When I relayed this to T in session about how I was worried and called the office and the response I got, T was surprised because she had told the receptionist to always let her know if someone calls (unless it was just about rescheduling or something). T was not upset with me, and I don't think she was necessarily upset with the receptionist but I think she was irked that her instructions to her staff had not been carried out. And T assured me that yes she had been busy that week, but she was also contemplating how she wanted to respond to my emails, and in fact had ended up emailing me the night before our session. Lesson learned for me in that one.

Just try to not let your fears carry you away. I'm sorry you are having SUI thoughts. If you don't think you can keep yourself safe, please go to the emergency room or call a hotline. You are cared about Hope. Hang in there. You can do this. HUGS Kit

[ArtleyWilkins]

Hope, somehow you will find more peace in life if you can develop a bit more patience. You've done this a few times over the years: sent an email or left a message or spoke to someone about something, and when they didn't respond fast enough in your eyes, you cancelled everything, then begged to come back, then were sure they hate you, etc.

My guess is that you are on the cancellation list, but they generally don't contact you to let you know they did what you asked. They just do it and will contact you if an opening occurs and they have an appointment time available for you.

Patience.

This happened not because of the rudeness, but because you have a pattern of finding reasons to cancel. It's understandable that push-pull of needing support but being scared to accept support or scared to talk about whatever issues are bothering us. But people do have their limits to their own patience, particularly office workers. They aren't therapists. And clients who request something, then get angry when they office staff can't quickly fill that request, then get angry and cancel after they've gone to the trouble to try to meet your request, and beg for forgiveness for being inconsistent about what you want, etc. will eventually manage to get on their nerves. They are human. Busy humans.

Slow yourself down. Request to be on the cancellation list. And then stop. They will contact you if and when an opening is available. They aren't not contacting you because they are trying to make your life difficult or because they don't like you or something. They simply are waiting until and when something comes available and will contact you then. Yes, we want it to happen faster, but they can't make it happen faster.

[divine1966]

I don’t think psychiatrists can just throw patients out. And office staff doesn’t have the kind of power anyways.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I don’t think it matters now because I think they are throwing me out. It started when I asked if I could get on the cancellation list for this week due to sui thoughts. Hours later, no response so I wrote back and said I wasn’t coming back. And then I felt bad so I wrote and begged T not to quit on me.

It’s probably over.

None of this happened until the incident when I mentioned the rudeness.

Maybe now she can be talking to him about getting rid of me.

hasn't your T told the staff not to cancel your appointments when you call and tell them to? I suspect you still have your appointments.

[hopealwayz]

I think my big problem is my racing mind. It helps when I take my ADHD medicine but I wasn’t able to afford it until next week.

Also, I was kind of annoyed because I wanted to take a month off but they gave me a hard time about that idea.