[Goldi]

I waited to post this to see if things would become clearer once some time passed, but...still confused. A little over a week ago, during session, my T told me I needed to do something I just can't do. He wanted me to tell my husband about a particular past issue (before we met), which I have never shared with my dh. I expressed to T that I just didn't think I was ready for this, but T thinks it is necessary in order to move forward. My T and I seem to have a good connection. He is pretty patient, but knows at times I need a little prodding. This time though, I think he's pushing too far, and I told him when he suggested it. We actually went back and forth about it and went over time by 10 minutes. Because of the holidays, we did not schedule our next appointment. I also think he wanted me to talk with my husband before our next session, but that's not happening. I don't know whether to be angry or hurt right now. I'm fluctuating between the two. I guess I'm just wondering if there is a time you should trust your T even when you really don't think you're ready for something. He'll probably call me next week to schedule.....but I really don't know what I'm going to say to him. If he feels I can't move forward unless I talk to dh and I'm not ready/willing to, then I guess we're just at a road block.

I would appreciate thoughts on this....my brain is tired of trying to figure it all out right now. Thanks!!

[MissCharlotte]

Ahhh, don't you hate it when T thinks they just know it all?

I think you should do whatever you want and whatever you are ready for. And, if you can't just bring that back to the next session as the starter for your discussions with T.

Peace

i dont need to know what the issue is, but i dont understand why you would *have* to tell your H anything that happened before you met. i mean, your past, your life.. right? Of course, if it's impacting your marriage, then i guess you'll have to figure that answer out.

it sounds like you dont disagree with telling your H, just that you are not ready to do so right now. i agree with sister, you need to do what is right for *you.* Your T is trying to help and i would imagine has your best interests at heart but you are the one who has to do the task and you need to be ready and able to do it and then handle whatever fall out there may be.

i would suggest writing down how you feel about your T pushing you, telling your H and what you would like to see happen. How would you like to proceed? Maybe you can make a plan with your T on exactly how you can acheive this goal, if it really is a goal for you.

try to find ways to soothe yourself, think about your relationship with your T overall as opposed to this one session. Think about how he is with you generally and think about whether or not you think he would do anything to deliberately to anger or hurt you... if you believe he wouldn't, and the connection is good as you say, then lean on that. It doesn't mean you have to do what he said, but it might help you get by until you talk with him again.

oh, one other thing... maybe you can talk with him on the phone about your hesitation in seeing him. i am sure he will feel that this isn't an impass or a complete road stop.. just a difficult climb you can make together.

[Perna]

Whenever I felt at an impasse with my T I knew I had other issues so I'd pick a different one and work on that for awhile. I found over the years that most things are "connected" so working on something else would often free up another piece of whatever it was I was stuck on before.

I would make the next appointment with your T and begin the session by pointing out that you seem to be stuck for the moment and would like to work in another corner; that you're a complex enough person that there are other pieces of your puzzle you can work on and you promise you'll come back to the tell-the-husband issue later. It's your therapy; he should not push so hard as to go over that boundary. You get to work on your choice of what to work on. If he "refuses" then he is probably not a good T for you. He "should" give in gracefully and be able to turn his attention to something else; decide now before the next session what you want that something else to be :-)

[sunrise]

[Mouse_]

I agree with Perna, good post!

[Goldi]

Thank you all sooooo much for your thoughts. I think I sometimes find it hard to trust T and other times hard to trust me...sometimes both at the same time....joy!!! Anyway, I appreciate all of your suggestions and support. Have a great New Year!!

Goldi

[chaotic13]

I think it is your therapy and he should be dictating who you have to tell things to. My T seemed surprised that I wasn't telling my husband I was coming to therapy. I didn't explain it, I had my reasons and they were valid. I wasn't lying to him, just not accounting for that hour of time. There have been times when she has suggested that I speak with him about certain issues, but she has always left it up to me to decide if and when those conversations occur.