How Many Therapists Did You ‘Interview’

I’m in the process of trying to find a new T, but really don’t seem to be having much luck.
So far I’m met with four and none of them seem right for me. The first one I just felt something was a bit off, she told me her life story and said she could help any client that came to her with any problem, the second told me I was too complex for private therapy due to my suicidal ideation, the third was very cold and barely raised a smile and the fourth is too expensive and isn’t willing to reduce their fee.
I’m just wondering whether this is the norm? I’m in the UK and all but one of these Ts have charged for this initial session so even just trying to find a T is proving expensive let alone then having regular sessions.
My previous T was male as I had specifically thought a male may be more healing for me due to certain issues that I have but I think it actually encouraged me to practice ingrained unhealthy thinking patterns. He was also the first and only T that I went to interview. This time I thought I would opt for a female to see if that makes a difference and also change the style of therapy from person centred to psychodynamic or integrative but now I’m wondering whether this is why I don’t feel like I’m connecting to these new Ts.
Did anyone else struggle to find a T they felt comfortable with?

None. But I've always done some research beforehand, weeding out a bunch before ever making contact. And I've only had two. IDK if that's unusual or not.

Yeah I’ve done a lot of research and have ruled out a lot due to their qualifications (or lack of) and their experience and specialisms. The ones I have been to see are ones that I am happy with their background and qualifications and have been on their websites and liked what I read. It just seems when I meet them in person they just don’t seem to be the right fit for me.

I've been through a large number of them, but didn't interview any

You can ask about a sliding scale in your initial contact with them. If they say no at the start and a reduced fee is essential for you, you can discount them and not waste the time and money seeing them for the initial session.

First of all, I think that what you're doing is really smart. I always find it difficult to, but it really is better to figure out quickly if they're not a good match for you, so you don't waste even more time and money with someone that isn't going to be helpful.

Second, the one who told you her life story and that she could help anyone? Ugh! I think you already know this, but what a huge red flag! Glad you didn't go back. Sounds like she has a lot of her own issues still to deal with!

Third... I'm terrible with interviewing them, but I've seen a LOT in the past. I usually lean towards giving them the benefit of the doubt, but then things fall apart after a year or more of therapy (lots of wasted time, money, and energy - plus it's been very discouraging and made it harder for me to trust future therapists).

Do Ts in the UK offer a free phone call before you schedule a first visit? I'm in the US, and this seems to be pretty common. If so, you can sometimes use this to weed out Ts that won't be a good fit. It's a bit difficult for me to go through the call, and then to end with, "I'm not ready to schedule a session, I'd like to think about it" (or if you're more direct, "I'm not sure this is a good fit, so I don't think I want to schedule a session at this point -thanks for your time") - but I've managed a couple times.

I think that's one of the few ways you can make the search more affordable.

It absolutely sucks that you have to pay for a first visit, only to find out that they're not a good fit! I agree, it gets expensive. I wish they'd off a free, first mini-session - not even a full intake, maybe just 20 minutes so that you can see their office, meet them face-to-face, and discuss your goals... so you can both get a sense of each other.

You mentioned that your previous T was a man, but that you don't think it was helpful in the way that you had hoped. Do you have a sense of being more comfortable talking with one gender or the other? Sometimes that can help (i.e. if you've always had stronger friendships with either women or men, that can be a good choice for your therapist).

I'm not sure about the styles. Honestly, I don't know how much of a difference. I almost get the feeling that Ts are just using whatever buzzwords they learned in school to describe themselves... I mean, I'm sure there's more to it than that, but I haven't noticed a huge difference in the Ts that I've seen.

>>Did anyone else struggle to find a T they felt comfortable with?

Yes. Taking a break now, but absolutely. Haven't really found a T that I'm comfortable with at all. I almost feel like it's something about what makes them "T"s. Like, I get triggered super easily, but most Ts I've seen what to immediately push on trauma-type issues. That doesn't work for me, and it immediately (like, from the first session!) erodes trust, making it harder for me to *ever* talk about that stuff.

One thing I do... I've been paying attention to the people in the world (not Ts) that I trust and feel good talking to, and what they do differently. It's really helpful for starting to build a framework of what "safe people" look like to me. It hasn't helped with finding a T though, even when I try to explain to them.

For example, one of the people I trust most and feel most like "myself" with is super non-judging. I can tell him anything, and he just... accepts it. I don't know how he does it, but it makes it really easy to just be me, because I don't feel judged. This seems like therapy-101, but surprisingly, almost all the therapists I've had fail at this, and seem to get irked if I point it out to them!

I interviewed over 30 of them. I found many of them to be nuts.

Can you do a short phone call with potential Ts to see if they are worth evening going to initial appointment? I know many Ts here will do that.

I have never really had to search for Ts. Either the exception of the one T who I did interview and thought she was crazy. my Ts have come as recommendations from my other providers.

When I was seeing thinking about seeing current Ts we had a bit of back and for email and phone calls before maki ng an appointment. During one of the calls she expressed concern that I might find the travel to much since her office is 40 miles away and I would have to get out of work early to see her. That told me I needed to pursue working with her.

I've never had much of the luxury of searching for therapists: my pool was always very limited by insurance. I have never been in the position to pay out-of-pocket without insurance helping out, so that limited my search quite a bit. Under those circumstances, I knew I couldn't be too particularly picky. I'd either find someone on the list I could work with, or I wouldn't do therapy at that time.

Working from my insurance list, I had other factors that further narrowed things down. Distance, for instance. I have always worked full-time in a job I cannot just leave to go to an appointment (teacher), so I needed someone generally pretty close by that I could get to after school hours.

Honestly, by this point, I had the list down to maybe three or four therapists. I looked at experience, credentials, type of practice, gender, etc. and went for what looked right.

I've tried a few that after a couple sessions I decided weren't worth my time or money, and I've been known to decide therapy was just not in the cards at that moment and just go without until circumstances like my location or insurance list changed at some future date.

Last time, I chose off the list, and the first therapist I went to was the one I stayed with for 10 years (and I no longer need therapy), so I got very lucky that time.

Eight.then the ninth person was finally the right one.she was worth the wait.

I've seen four main Ts over the years. With the first 2 I didn't have a choice who I saw, but both were brilliant so I was very lucky. With the next two I had to kiss a few frogs, as it were. I basically just went by how I felt with each T I sat with, whether I liked them and their approach fitted with what I felt I needed. It was an intuitive thing. With T 3 she did help me in a lot of ways, but there was also a personality clash and I didn't cope well with some of her approach. With this T I just knew on meeting her that she was someone I wanted to see. I'd seen about 3 Ts for one session before I met her, but once I met her and she 'got me' with her empathic style I just knew.

I’m in the UK too. I interviewed quite a few Ts before choosing my current one. I think that it is pretty easy to get qualified and set up as a T in the UK, and that many may not quite have what it takes. I think a T needs to have the right philosophy of life, as well as an ability to use their ‘self’ to connect.

None, my T was the only one who would take me (others didn't respond/return calls). Good thing I got lucky! I would have liked to do what you're doing though. Hang in there and be patient if you can. Also remember T's are human too and may not make good first impressions.

I started therapy before I knew that it was even a thing to meet with more than 1, so I have only ever met with my T. I was lucky that T and I really have clicked, have a good relationship, and I have made a lot of progress in the time I have been seeing him.

The first time around I just took who they assigned me at the office who was the only person available after hours. Second time around I interviewed two and chose one.