[annyatanya]

My therapist confronted me and thinks I am dismissive when she makes comments. I admitted I do so to not feel but I feel bad about it. She said it is almost like other people do not want to talk to me. Then she asked if U do that at work and I said, no. She also asked me about if I have a lot of friends which I do not and I felt as though she was judging me. She said ppl my age usually have lots of friends. I am starting to feel there is something seriously wrong with me. Do you think I am being too sensitive? She also told me she is telling me this to help me and maybe I try to make ppl dislike me.

[NP_Complete]

How long have you been seeing this therapist? She may be totally spot-on in her assessment, but she's being awfully blunt about it. My therapist uses a lot more tact when he points out my shortcomings. Maybe you're not a good fit.

[sarahsweets]

Hey @annyatanya

Originally Posted by annyatanya

My therapist confronted me and thinks I am dismissive when she makes comments. I admitted I do so to not feel but I feel bad about it. She said it is almost like other people do not want to talk to me. Then she asked if U do that at work and I said, no. She also asked me about if I have a lot of friends which I do not and I felt as though she was judging me. She said ppl my age usually have lots of friends. I am starting to feel there is something seriously wrong with me. Do you think I am being too sensitive? She also told me she is telling me this to help me and maybe I try to make ppl dislike me.

How long have you seen this therapist and what are you working on in therapy? (if you do not mind sharing)

[Omers]

If I was being dismissive of T’s suggestions he would say I am not feeling safe enough with him yet or that we haven’t found the underlying cause of why. He would never tell me I was being dismissive as if I were intentionally being “bad”. Now that we have worked together over a year and are very close with a lot of trust he might gently ask about being seen as dismissive but that would be as direct as he got. If I can’t hear it yet then I am not ready to work on it.

[Rive.]

I am starting to feel there is something seriously wrong with me. Do you think I am being too sensitive?

Whether you are actually being dismissive or not (in real life or in therapy - doesn't matter), I don't believe there is anything wrong with you. Nor that you are being overly sensitive. You are coping the best way you know how to.

What strikes me, however, is that you feel judged after her comment. I believe this is worth exploring with her. In other words, I would discuss with her the impact of her words and to address whether she meant it the way it came across, i.e. as a judgment.

This could lead to a productive discussion. She could 'learn' how to better support you.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by annyatanya

My therapist confronted me and thinks I am dismissive when she makes comments. I admitted I do so to not feel but I feel bad about it. She said it is almost like other people do not want to talk to me. Then she asked if U do that at work and I said, no. She also asked me about if I have a lot of friends which I do not and I felt as though she was judging me. She said ppl my age usually have lots of friends. I am starting to feel there is something seriously wrong with me. Do you think I am being too sensitive? She also told me she is telling me this to help me and maybe I try to make ppl dislike me.

I do think she was judging you. She was probably trying to help you but it also feels blaming. The reason you may be dismissive of her comments may be ''rooted'' in early childhood trauma and/or neglect. So it would probably be more helpful if she was a bit more gentle in her methods of ''helping'' you to gain insight into some of your behaviours. If you try to make people dislike you maybe that is a way of avoiding being hurt? If you don't allow anyone close you can't be hurt by them. Who cares really if some random stranger ''dislikes'' us.... its completely about them. I could be completely wrong in my ''analysis'' of this situation with your therapist. It just reminds me a bit of a therapist I saw. He did not say I am ''dismissive'' when he makes comments but he did say a whole lot of other highly judgmental and negative things. if it was supposed to ''help'' me to ''make more friends'' it did not. It hurt me and he was mirroring my judgmental and rejecting parental units.

When we consult a therapist it would usually be because we have some ''issues''.. The therapist, being human, also has ''issues''.... some of them do not try to be gentle. Sometimes I suppose being confrontative may produce a ''positive'' result, or sometimes it can do harm. It depends a lot on the quality of the relationship with the therapist and a lot of other factors.. I'm sorry that she made you feel that there is something seriously wrong with you. I don't think that is helpful and I wonder what her motives are.

Maybe I am ''projecting'' some of the stuff that occured between me and a cruel, judgmental therapist (irl)

Maybe your T did not intend to be insensitive. As the poster above suggested, it might be fruitful to discuss how you're feeling with the therapist. You can maybe teach her how to better support you.

It sounds like you are sensitive and she is direct. Neither of these states are character flaws and it could be a combination which allows for some insightful sessions, assuming you trust her enough to be vulnerable of course.

[Bill3]

I agree that the therapist is being unskillful.

I certainly would wonder whether there was something wrong with me if my therapist had said "people your age usually have lots of friends" in response to my saying that I don't have lots of friends.

I think that the comments of @Omers above are particularly helpful in that @Omers provides an example of how a therapist could skillfully, gently, helpfully handle things.

[annyatanya]

Thank you for the comments. I Think I will confront her and ask her to be more gentle. Maybe I should say it is not beneficial how she words things.

[annyatanya]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Hey @annyatanya

How long have you seen this therapist and what are you working on in therapy? (if you do not mind sharing)

Hi,
I 'he been seeing her for about 5 months and it is psychoanalysis.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Omers

If I was being dismissive of T’s suggestions he would say I am not feeling safe enough with him yet or that we haven’t found the underlying cause of why. He would never tell me I was being dismissive as if I were intentionally being “bad”. Now that we have worked together over a year and are very close with a lot of trust he might gently ask about being seen as dismissive but that would be as direct as he got. If I can’t hear it yet then I am not ready to work on it.

Good post. This sort of thing has happened to me a few times. Someone being tactless and mean and then accusing me of something with a heavy implication of me being intentionally ''bad'' - like that pos of a therapist I saw irl...

''If I can't hear it yet, then I am not ready to work with it''


And that pos of a T said I .........

I had better not post that here as it could be triggering (It was to me )