Couch 215: The Overcoming Couch

Lol I would not take seroquel as a PRN during the day. I guess it would help anxiety by knocking you out, though.

Just got my financial aid award for next year and I'm getting 1.5k less. Pretty devastating hit to my finances. The only things I have to cut back on is therapy and food. I have to eat, so it will have to be therapy.

I just had to take some anxiety medication. Hopefully it will take the edge off without making me sleepy. I'm at work so no nap today!!!

Oh that sucks, I'm sorry.

Our gyms are still closed (at least in my part of the state, unsure about the rest). I worry they won't open the pools for months.

I feel miserable today. I reached out to my therapist even though we're already supposed to Zoom in about 4 hours. I have a WebEx for work in an hour and I don't think I can do it.

I've done it, and have prescribed it for patients.

For me, at least, the line between "managing my anxiety" and "knocking me on my @**" is thin; I had to do some trial and error to find the right dose for each situation.

I can only speak from my own experience as someone who has taken doses ranging from 12.5 to 800mg of seroquel over 14 years. I literally would not be able to function if I took it during the day. My psychiatrist also says that sleepiness makes dissociative symptoms worse, and I agree based on my personal experience. If a person experiences dissociation, I would therefore not think it helpful to do something that makes it worse to address anxiety. That could just reinforce dissociation as a coping mechanism for anxiety, which is detrimental in the long run.

Definitely would never be able to take a low dose of seroquel during the day. Guaranteed way to spend the whole day asleep for me.

The dose I'd take as a PRN would be like half a tablet, so 12.5 mg. I'll have to see how it affects me--I figure it's better than treating a panic attack with alcohol at least...


And I hadn't been been struggling much with panic attacks lately, until a couple weeks ago. I think much of it for me is being in the house with H and D 95% of the time and trying to hold in my emotions. Well, except when I'm talking to Dr. T or alone at night (or sometimes in the shower), when it feels safe to cry. I cried in front of my D (and H) the other night and felt kind of bad about it because D was asking why I was crying. A couple days ago, I was having a panic attack in the morning, and H had to leave for the store to get something. D shut herself in her room, and the second he walked out the door, I started crying, and it seemed to alleviate the panic attack after a few minutes. I just feel sort of trapped and on display in a sense.

Well, there’s only one way to find out if LT can take Seroquel during the day without falling asleep...we anxiously await your report, LT.

Seroquel does have this weird characteristic of actually being more sedating at lower levels from what I have understood. No idea why or how that works. My husband used to just bite off a small chip of a tablet before bedtime, and that's all it took. He took it for sleep at night because of his pain syndrome. He's since stopped taking it and has done fine. Personally, I wasn't convinced the small dose was really doing anything, but he said it helped him initially get to sleep easier.

Actually, I think I recall my p-doc saying something about this when we initially discussed it as a possibility a year or so ago (I ended up trying something else). About how it's more sedating in lower doses. I think I'll just have to give it a try and see what happens, just not on a day when I have to get tons of work done or drive anywhere (not that I'm really doing any of that anyway--driving, that is! I am doing work.).

Thats what the pictures on those "how do you feel?" charts should represent!

Re your prev post re the intake lady? (I cant remember now, its been 2 minutes! ) yeah you are feeling more present to me also. Acknowledging we are here for each other.

800mg was much, much more sedating for me than 12.5mg. I have literally fallen asleep when standing and eating at 800. I remember cramming cereal into my mouth and pieces falling out because I actually fell asleep as I was doing it. I remember one of my parents was looking on and asked if I was ok and that jolted me awake. At 12.5, it feels more like taking a benedryl or some unisom. The reason I was on 800mg was because they kept having to increase it so I would be able to sleep.

Yeah, anxious about not having that support from the case manager, even though I only talked to her like every other week. It's like a kick in the gut a bit, that's how it feels and I'm doubled over trying to catch my breath. I've been thinking she was going to discharge me for about a month but now that I have the actual date it is much worse. And everyone keeps saying how good I'm doing and I'm freaking out that I'm going to fall apart and let everyone down. So scared. It's so hard. Thanks unaluna

So I took some tests online to measure my antisocial traits and they all said I probably have ASPD. One of them was an actual clinical scale, so I don't think the results can be disregarded. It said I scored higher for primary psychopathy than 77% of participants and higher than 91% of people for secondary psychopathy.

I told the therapist and she said she likes to focus on my strengths and I shouldn't take the tests because they upset me. Except she's making an assumption that I'm upset by the results. They just confirm what I'm already aware of so there's no need to be upset. I was just trying to show her that this is not all in my mind or some sort of self-persecutory delusion that I'm not a good person.

At least its not skunk mating season!

I texted a friend and my Pastor's wife because this anxiety has a grip on me today. My pastor's wife texted back and said, "Here is me telling you you're okay. And I love you for being real in this life." The text goes on but those first two lines helped.

I did some mindful breathing and some chair yoga. I'm not too sleepy yet from the anxiety medication but usually it hits me a little later on. In a few minutes I have my lunch break. I'll probably call my Mom and maybe read some of the Psalms. Anything to try to get this anxiety under control today. I could email or text Pastor T but it's not like I want to talk to him. So I won't. I'll just wait to tell him that my anxiety has been elevated when we talk on Memorial Day.

Aargh. Anxiety still not under control. I'm rocking, trying to do self soothing stuff and it's like the anxiety is just sky rocketing. Breathing. Breathing. Yoga. Breathing. Meditating. Still anxiety reigns. Not sure what else to do. Sigh.

Yeah i have not been having a good week either. The smoke alarm thing threw me off. I dont like having things outstanding to do, along with my usual hoard. Ends up nothing getting done.

HUGS unaluna

A concert I was supposed to see in September has already been postponed till September 2021. Even though I know it makes sense to be safe (it's a big venue, though outdoors with a pavilion), it makes me sad. And pretty certain the one at the end of July will be canceled/postponed any day now. I just want something coming up to look forward to...which is something that came up with Dr. T earlier this week. How I'm used to having stuff like concerts or getting together with friends or date nights with H or even just going out to dinner, me, H, and D, on a Friday evening. Maybe I mentioned this on here before, but I told him how my May (hanging kitchen) calendar is just blank, with Mother's Day and Memorial Day circled. And he said how depressing that was. (I keep track of things like therapy sessions and D's online school stuff on my computer and phone calendars but tended to write plans involving leaving the house--including plans with friends, T appointments, school schedule, etc.--on the kitchen calendar as well, I guess a holdover from how my mom did it.)

New cat used to throw up on window screens, now she throws up on window panes. I am blessed.

ETA: LT—so maybe, since all those things involve going outside, now’s the time to start the exposure therapy on that, so you can be ready when the world is?

Also, picnics? (I hate picnics myself. But they can be dates—put the kid to bed and go out on the deck.)