Couch 215: The Overcoming Couch

Artie, that sounds really scary! There's a thing called sleep paralysis--maybe that's what you're experiencing?

Last night in creepy occurrences, I woke up hearing music. I went to investigate, and this musical toy of my D's had just turned itself on and started playing in the middle of the night. Nothing was on it or blowing on it (like AC/or fan). Ghosts? (I admit I was a bit worried at first, because I think hallucinations can be a rare side effect of my new med, and I was worried that was what was going on...)

I had a difficult session this morning and now I feel listless. I should go outside because it's quite nice out and I could use the exercise but I just don't feel up to it.

that is a bit creepy! last week i was wondering about the same thing in my house - ghost? - because for 4 days in a row h or i would find a towel hanging on the hook across from our shower, that neither of us remembered putting there. i thought h was doing it to be funny after the first time but he insists that he didn't. it stopped after the 4th day. ooeeeooo

A bit of work stress yesterday and today. We are starting to use a new (to me) program called Microsoft Teams. I'm still not sure what all I am supposed to use it for. We had a short training session yesterday remotely so I kind of have the gist of it, I'm just not sure what all I am supposed to do with it.

I didn't want to get up today and I didn't want to come to work. I made myself do both. We are having a work party at 12 with hot dogs and chips. And then at 2 o'clock break we are having cheesecake for the May birthday's. And it is donut Friday. So that's a lot of good reasons to get out of bed this morning. I made it to work early.

Good luck with it! We're getting that at my work too, although it hasn't rolled out to everyone yet. I just got it 2 days ago but am not sure what to do with it since they're holding off on training until everyone on my team has it.... from what I gather from opening it up and looking at it, it looks like a chat / online meeting kind of a thing. I haven't had a chance to experiment with it yet maybe on my shift Sunday, since that's a much more relaxed day.

That sounds like a great day food-wise, Kit...HUGS.

Meanwhile, I want pasta, but I do not want to have to make the dish that I want to eat.

Thinking of keeping dinner simple tonight, and hopefully making the new dish next week.

Debating whether to tell Dr. T how a few things he said last session bothered me, but don't want to stir the pot. But then I feel I need to bring them up, because it feels in a way like he has too many expectations of me, and I already feel like I'm faltering. Like, from what he said, I'm supposed to be taking my new medication, exercising, painting, not (temporarily) stepping away from a volunteer group that's stressing me out, and take more steps to be driving and leaving the house again. I may be forgetting something there, too. And he seemed a bit dismissive of a couple things that I said were helping me, like doing NYT crossword daily, looking at pics of guinea pigs in a couple FB groups I'm in. I don't know...I guess I need to bring it up.

I'm off today, and am really liking these Sun-Thurs work weeks a lot. So glad I volunteered for it when they asked. It's amazing how much less stressful the entire week is with Sunday as the first day, because it's such a calm day.

It would probably be helpful to talk about it, but I certainly understand your reticence to stir the pot. Feeling like he has too many expectations of you I imagine would be pretty stressful. It was never easy for me to tell L when something she'd said totally missed the mark where I sat, but for the most part when I did it was a good discussion... even the times that she didn't get it and I felt like we argued, we worked through those too and it was still helpful in the end. I would think that doing crossword puzzles and browsing pics of guinea pigs would both be positive things, certainly better than other possible coping methods.

I was just making some hamburgers for h, and diabetic cat was in there howling at me like he wanted some, so I made him a teeny sized one and when it cooled gave it to him and he totally wolfed it down and stretched up the counter howling for more. I made him a 2nd one a little bigger and he wolfed that down too! Now he seems quite content. Oh, per the vet we're watching him for now because the next day he started eating normally again. He's still having trouble jumping, but because of his age that alone wasn't cause for concern enough to come in earlier than we're already scheduled. I'm going to ask her if it's ok to feed him a tiny hamburger like once a week or something because he really seemed to like them, and if they help him gain some weight (or at least stop losing weight) then that will be good.

Yes, that's what it is.

Yeah, today is not going well.

I'm sorry, chihirochild.

HUGS @chihirochild

Hugs, Chihiro. Want to talk about it? (here or PM)

Ended up talking to Dr. T about my concerns. He was very understanding and supportive. He affirmed that he's not disappointed in me. And we determined that much of this is coming from me, from my own self-doubt and expectations. He said it's like I have a stern teacher in my head (that seemed accurate). He said maybe instead of talking about coping mechanisms, do we just need to focus right now on being more kind and gentle to myself? I said maybe we did. He did suggest I make a list of even a few small things I could do for self-care/coping. Not like a to-do list, but he said the list could be "almost like a friend," to have there. I'm really glad I brought it up. He seems so different now, like I feel a year ago, this would have led to some sort of conflict. But maybe this is the effect of the pandemic on him, too? Though really, he's been more like this since I returned to him in September after the short break. Though he did say how pretty much all of his clients are struggling right now, so if he was going to be disappointed in me, he'd have to be disappointed in all of them and in himself, too.

LT: doing the NYT crossword is more effective than therapy. Four out of five crossword doers agree. And you can tell him I said so.

Glad it went well LT!

Will do next session! It's weirdly satisfying--I only got back into doing crosswords a couple months ago. And it's nice to do them online, because I can check whether a word or letter is correct (some might say cheating, but I like to finish them). I do generally avoid actually having it fill in a letter. I might Google something (like a person's name that I'd never get on my own), then use that to fill in the stuff around it. And sometimes I have to go back to it later. But I find it helps as a way to wake up my brain each morning before doing work. The minis are fun, too.

My therapist decided recently to change out one of the photographs he had hanging in his office and I commented on it. He asked me if I remembered what the old one was. Not sure if that was some sort of test or what, but he asked if I wanted it so I could have part of the therapy space with me. So now I have a framed photograph of a bicycle artfully leaning against a wall. Maybe this is a little strange. I don't know. It was a nice gesture though.

Thanks, SK! Hope you get through the workday OK! Are you off Monday for the holiday? And will they let you go early today because of it? H's work lets him out early.

Aw, that's really nice of him. Don't thing it's weird--if anything, I'm jealous! I'm pretty observant of my T's space. Today I was like, "You moved that plant, right?" (he's usually in his regular office for online sessions).

Thanks LT! I'm off Monday for the holiday but I don't get to go home early today but we are having a work luncheon and then cheesecake at 2 o'clock break so not too bad. Almost halfway through my day! Just bored like usual. Lol.