Couch 215: The Overcoming Couch

I don't really worry about T thinking I'm pretty, but I am jealous of another client... I googled T's name and found this other woman had thanked him in the acknowledgments of her book, and when I saw her picture I recognized her from the waiting area. So now I worry that she's smarter and more interesting than me (and I think she is also younger, which makes it worse).

Yeah t had this gorgeous fat woman leave his office one time before my session, and im like, "thats not the kind of fat i am." Anyway, long story short, its like anything else in therapy - its what is in the clients head. There is no universal rule about how it affects the t, so that you are entitled to omit mentioning that "universal" portion of your feelings! Dammit!

No - I never wondered or cared what the therapist thought about me. I am a late middle-aged lesbian and the two I hired were old straight women. I did not find them attractive and there was no reason for them to think me to be or not be.

The vet was really crowded, took longer than usual. Plus they're doing curbside service so you have to wait out in your car and the come out and get the cat and go out and in with paperwork then the vet comes out and talks to you before they bring the cat out. Anyway Rascal's blood sugar was horrible today, in the 500's (yikes!) and she raised his insulin dose, so now he gets 2 units twice a day. She said there was no signs of trauma to his leg from me stepping on him this morning (whew there) and that his back legs seeming progressively weaker the last couple week she would say is diabetic neuropathy. She said it can get better over like 6 weeks and it's important that he stay consistent with his diet so they can adjust his insulin around it. I'm shocked at his blood sugar being so high, but relieved that I didn't seriously hurt him this morning. As soon as we got home he went and hid in the closet again.

I have a tendency to project my feelings about things onto other people, so I naturally assume that others find me unattractive. What I lack in physical attractiveness I feel I make up for with intrigue. So attractive clients don’t threaten me. Interesting ones do.

Good one, daisy! "No, i'm more interesting!" Yeah i can relate to that!

So I attended our weekly online fellowship service with my drumming peeps, and during the different parts of the service I wrote a poem about it and at the end I asked if it would be ok to read it to the group. Totally out of the norm for me to put myself out there like that but I did it, and it was well received, and our facilitators asked me to type it up and send it in so they can use it an upcoming newsletter or something. When I opened my email to send it, I found an email from ex-T checking in and offering to be of service in these difficult times for a one-time tuneup or whatever. How does she always know when I've been thinking about calling her??! I want to but I don't want to. Same old story. Artie lives on the fence and is afraid to step down on one side or the other.... it is nice I suppose that she is checking in again though.

I responded to L and told her I'd like to schedule a video session.

I don't think it has ever occurred to me to wonder whether my T finds me attractive. We're both female and she's straight and fairly feminine and I'm gay and not feminine, so maybe that factors in there somewhere too. Very different senses of style and I am decidedly not her type anyway.

I asked my wife about this at lunch, and she said she hadn't wondered about attractiveness with her therapist. But then she said she would feel jealous if she knew her therapist saw somebody who she felt was more successful than her. I would feel jealous if I felt like my T found somebody else more likable or if she cared about them more. So basically we decided that these feelings are likely to highlight places where we feel deficient or insecure.

I have been watching videos of people making props for movies and i really feel i missed my calling as a sword maker.

I think you're right about these feelings highlighting places where we feel insecure and stuff. I don't think I ever thought about whether or not ex-T found me attractive (same thing, we're both female, she's straight and I'm not, etc) and for me I would feel all kinds of jealous if she had ever said something like "My favorite client does X" and I know I don't do X. I want to be her favorite client ever, dammit!

I was paying them - I figure if anyone was going to worry about being a favorite - it would be the therapist worrying about whether she was my favorite one or not - and I constantly told her she was not.

I think that I was always very, very... separated (?) from the fact that I was paying her.

I know, right? I coulda been a shepherdess. Those black face lambies are so cute!

I'm pretty sure Info just winces internally whenever she sees me and how I'm dressed. There's probably a therapists' forum somewhere where she posts ATAT fashion updates.

I scheduled a one-off 'tune-up'/check in with L for Wednesday after work, online using something called "doxy.me" that is supposedly hipaa compliant. never heard of it before. we'll see how it goes... I am happy that I went ahead and scheduled something.

I use doxme. It works great and you don't have to download anything. Hover over your pic in the corner and click the 3 dots for the option to remove your pic

SD, this ones for you.

https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net...50&oe=5F00CA55

Last session with L, she told me she loves "all her clients". I hate being grouped up with the rest of her clients. I feel like just another number, a file, nothing special or unique about me. I know that's untrue, but it still sparks the jealousy in me

We met with D's T once using that--it went OK. Hope your session goes well and glad you set one up!

Thanks! I made a note of that.

Hugs...I get it. I once told Ex-MC of my desire to be special to him, and he said, "All of my patients are special."

Thanks! I feel an incredible sense of relief upon scheduling.

I am picturing SD with one therapist, regularly reminding said therapist that she is not her favorite therapist.

You could try that next time one of yours is acting up.