[hopealwayz]

I emailed my T something VERY personal that I’ve never shared with any other T. I feel that this is my way of building trust with him.

[daisydid]

I would say that's a sign of trust, yes. It also shows that you're progressing in your work. Good job!

[hopealwayz]

Thanks so much!

[hopealwayz]

He is totally worthy of my trust.

[WastingAsparagus]

I'm not saying what you did did not establish trust, far from it, but is there a chance you could talk to him in person (or on video chat or whatever) about whatever thing you mentioned in the email? In my experience, if I share something out loud, it usually changes something inside me. I'm not saying it happens in all cases when I share something really personal, but it helps to say it out loud. I hope you continue to make progress with your therapist. Maybe it's the same for you with writing things out. But maybe you could write things out and then read them in session out loud. That has been something that has helped me make sessions organized and productive.

[hopealwayz]

I will bring it up at my next session. I will talk about it.

[*Beth*]

If I did what you did it would be a sign of trust.

[SlumberKitty]

I think so, yes.

[Fuzzybear]

If I did what you did, it would probably be a sign of trust.

[hopealwayz]

This turned out badly. This week he said he didn’t have time to read it and it only would’ve taken a few minutes. So the session ended up with hurt feelings and tears the entire time and now I’m still upset at him.

He has agreed to read the notes I send. This actually makes me feel unimportant.

[SlumberKitty]

HUGS Hope, I'm sorry your T didn't have time to read it. I'm sorry you feel unimportant. You still did an awesome thing by reaching out and telling him something you haven't told anyone. You can still be proud of that. I know how hard it is when people don't respond the way you want them too. Or would like them too. I am going through that myself. I know your T still cares about you. HUGS Kit

[hopealwayz]

Thanks for telling me that.

[hopealwayz]

It’s so hard feeling let down.

[zoiecat]

Sorry you are upset Hope. Is there a reason he did not read the email in session? I rarely send my T emails but when I do he always reads and discusses them in session.

There are times that I have reached out to my therapist with a feeling of trust or hope and she has not met me. I have felt rejected and let down. It is really hard. This can be what happens what we try something new, it is a risk when we trust someone because sometimes they don't match our efforts. Work through it with him because it can be the basis for some growth.

[Flinders40]

Couldn’t he have read it during your session? If it only would have taken a few minutes he could have looked it over and then discussed it with you.

[hopealwayz]

I can’t stop crying. I don’t know how to get over this hurt.

And here we go again, Hope . Unfortunately this is a pattern for you. I truly hope one day you will feel stronger and not suffer so much.

[hopealwayz]

No this time it’s different. This feels like a rupture. In fact, I am considering quitting.

[hopealwayz]

There were other problems too. His wife began working there and she has been rude to me.

[zoiecat]

Hope, remember that you have been down this road before and it all works out in the end. Try not to go down that path again. Do you know why he would not read your email in session? It doesn't seem to make sense but I'm sure you can work it out at your next session. Try to use some grounding skills in the meantime. You can't do anything to change things with your T until your next session. Focus on what you can do which is to work on yourself. As for his wife, try to remember that we can't control others, we only have control over our own reactions.

Personally, I have been working with the apps Shine and Calm. They both have free and paid versions. I have done them every day since lock down and have really noticed the improvement. You may want to look for some tools you can use to help build your tolerance of strong emotions. I know it is not easy but each journey starts with the first step.

[hopealwayz]

I’m disappointed because I was doing so much better and now I’ve had this setback. This is the most hurt that I’ve felt with him. That’s because I opened up to trust him and I feel like he let me down.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I’m disappointed because I was doing so much better and now I’ve had this setback. This is the most hurt that I’ve felt with him. That’s because I opened up to trust him and I feel like he let me down.

He did let you down...as humans do.
I understand you are hurt..and the risk you took sharing that note with him.

The thing that helps me the most when my anxiety is spinning out of control is to come up with a plan:
What I might do differently, if I were you, is in the future take such notes and read them in session. Don’t send such important communications in text or email.or even mailed letters.
Don’t give *him* the power to read it or not.
Take back your power.
Don’t let his humanity ruin your progress.
You can do it.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I’m disappointed because I was doing so much better and now I’ve had this setback. This is the most hurt that I’ve felt with him. That’s because I opened up to trust him and I feel like he let me down.

Btw, it was his setback. You did nothing wrong.
If he has promised to read your emails/texts and did not, it’s not your fault.
I would call him out on promises like that...anything can happen, illness, accidents, over-work, inefficient budgeting of time. It can happen.

Make a plan to do things differently and take your power back.

[whoknew005]

this would be too hard for me to overcome and I would find a new therapist. He could have read it before the session and he chose not to. Nope nope I need more care