[seeker33]

I wonder if your T has ever admitted making a mistake. Mine will never do it. I believe it's her life philosophy. She will change her behaviour not to make the same mistake again, but she will never admit anything by words.

[Lostislost]

I don't think so. He said he's sorry his behaviour has hurt me, but that's not the same as being sorry for doing it. They love to think we are the problem and it's all transference....at least if he told me he was having a **** week I would understand when he's a bit off in session. But it's always my fault apparently.

[Omers]

My T has not for our most recent troubles but he has every other time.

[CharlieStarDust]

Mine has. A couple of years ago we had quite a big rupture, and I was ready to walk away. She asked me to come in so we can attempt a repair. When I listed all the issues, she took a moment and said: you’re right. I did do that. I’m sorry - I apologize for that. It felt sincere. She went on to explain why she did what she did and how she thought she had my best interest in mind.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Sure. He never claimed to be infallible and was always willing to hear me out and own his errors. The fact that your therapist makes changes in her behavior is important; don't discount it. As the old adage says: actions speak louder than words. I'd much rather have a therapist who listened and made changes than one who just made apologies but never made changes. Sometimes you have to accept that is how a person works and not get too hung up on words. Sure, it would be nice to have both I suppose, but the real telling is not in the telling; it's in the actions.

[*Beth*]

Yes. She has apologized to me a number of times over our 2 years of therapy. She'll say something like, "I'm sorry; that mistake was on me." I appreciate when she apologizes when the issue that came up (lateness, for example) really is her mistake.

What she doesn't apologize for is forgetting details, but it's clear that she has no idea she's forgotten them.

[NP_Complete]

Yes, he has. I found it kind of refreshing that he was willing to admit when he was wrong without being defensive about it.

[susannahsays]

Yes. Sometimes she has done the half assed type of apology you describe, but I explained to her why that bothered me and she has been much better about it. I don't think it occurred to her that she was apologizing for how I feel instead of a mistake on her part, which is actually kind of passive aggressive. But yeah, she doesn't have a problem owning up to making a mistake and apologizing for it.

[Rive.]

Yes, my T has apologised for messing up.

I would not paint all Ts with the same brush.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

Yup. I struggled with putting him on a pedestal for a long time so he freely admits his faults and shortcomings. He will own up to his mistakes when he makes them and learns from them. Apparently he is just as human as the rest of us. :P

[Lonelyinmyheart]

Yes she does every time, not that she makes mistakes often, but is very willing to own her part in any upset I feel.

[elisewin]

Usually she did, but occationally not. But then again on few occations it is unclear if it was a mistake on her part or just difference of opinion. Sometimes she got a bit defensive on these occations, rather small stuff actually. But few times when it really counted, she owed her part and apologized too.

[Mopey]

I've been out of therapy for a number of years now, Seeker, but when I was going to my last and best one she would not hesitate to apologize if she thought she had made a misstep. It was something I valued about her.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Yes. She always takes responsibility for her role in our relationship. And she never simply says "I'm sorry". It's a full on apology.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Sure. He never claimed to be infallible and was always willing to hear me out and own his errors. The fact that your therapist makes changes in her behavior is important; don't discount it. As the old adage says: actions speak louder than words. I'd much rather have a therapist who listened and made changes than one who just made apologies but never made changes. Sometimes you have to accept that is how a person works and not get too hung up on words. Sure, it would be nice to have both I suppose, but the real telling is not in the telling; it's in the actions.

I agree with what you say about actions. Mine has admitted mistakes and apologized, though sometimes he's stood by or defended what he said/did. But he's also shifted in his approach to me over time. He's seemed to become more...gentle is the word that comes to mind.


But he's also done some very specific actions. We had a big conflict about a year ago when I said I wished he'd stand when I left, and he said it felt like I was trying to control him. And then, a bit after that, he just suddenly started standing and opening the door at the end before shaking my hand. The couple times he forgot, he'd jump up and immediately apologize. That meant a lot to me. (Though now we're doing video sessions, but still...).

[nottrustin]

Yes every time. She never intentionally hurts me but a couple of times she has said something that has hurt. The way I interpreted what she said, was not her intention. She always apologizes multiple times for not explaining herself correctly and explains what she meant.

Once she recognized at the end of an appointment she had handled it all wrong and apologized. It wasn't enough because I needed her to hear what things hurt me. She not only apologized but told me that anytime she messes up or I get hurt, she wants me to tell her.

She will apologize if she forgets details probably in part because she one forgot something huge and I was upset and told her

She will also also apologize over trivial things even though I tell her it is nothing just something that I noticed

[Mountaindewed]

She has said she’s sorry if she has hurt my feelings. I’m not sure that’s the same as admitting she was in the wrong. There was only one time where I really legit felt like she did something wrong and she just explained her reasoning for doing it.

[Fuzzybear]

Basically, no.

Yes, she does. My sticking point is that I want her to apologise for every misadventure we encounter and sometimes I want her to apologise for her existence. I am a $hit.

[stopdog]

The first woman was a defensive gas lighter. The second apologized a couple of times.