Couch 218: Northern Minnesota 2050

Hugs, NP. It's horrible, and it's natural...you're grieving, in a sense.
Is it an anniversary season for you too?

An online crossword tournament sounds really interesting, and right up my street - any chance you could share more info, LT?

July was my anniversary season. And yes, my therapist has said we're both grieving the eventual loss of this relationship. I know some here are probably rolling their eyes at that, but this last week, I've come to realize that the feelings were way more reciprocal than I knew. There is a real human connection there. I told him I cared about him earlier this week and thought of you LT and your therapist's response to that sentiment.

Sure, it's this: https://bemoresmarter.com/lollapuzzoola
The most recent puzzle (#4 of 5) completely crushed me. Was only able to fill in about a quarter of it. So...think I'm out! Sounds like most others struggled with it as well, based on the Twitch chat, so I feel better.

What a great site name! Before AND after the slash!

Hugs, NP. Are you talking about Dr. T's response to the caring thing? He was weird about it at first and understands and accepts it now. I hope your T took it well. (Or maybe you're thinking of ex-MC, who said, "You can pay me to do my job, but you can't pay me to care.")


Grieving is the right term, too. It helped so much when Dr. T said how my loss of ex-MC was grieving. Because I kept thinking it was just leaving a therapist. But it was a loss. When I thought about it through the lens of grieving, it helped me understand more and go easier on myself. I imagine it's also really difficult because you're grieving the eventual end while continuing to see him. I hope you're able to put that out of your mind a bit so that you can appreciate the time you have with him. I'm sure that's not easy though...

Have I not been punished enough by your tale of the cardiologist winning your heart?

He said his church bought TWO of those portable heart attack machines!

At L's suggestion, I ventured back to the pool for the first time this summer, since they re-opened it. I had it to myself for most of the time even (had been one other person and we were able to swim our laps on opposite sides of the pool, a minimum of 18 feet apart at all times (it's a nice big pool). I swam laps pretty much continuously for almost 2 hours!! Once I started, I just didn't want to stop the water felt SO lovely and I feel SO much more myself in the water. Swimming is when I am feeling the most (and the best) Me. I had another one of my famous epiphanies while I was swimming, about what a drawing I had done meant, that related to the stuff I tearfully read to L yesterday, and I was so dang excited about it that I almost called her!! Haha. But I didn't, I opted to email instead. Only bummer is I still have water in one ear that stubbornly won't drain and I can't hear in that ear right now. I'm going to go lay down for a bit and see if I can get it to drain. Oh but I was so happy to get back in the water. It had been WAY too long.

Thanks, LT!

Artie, dont you wear earplugs? I have to, i get those silicone ones that you squish to fit. Otherwise water flows in one ear and out the other! Ha, if only! Plus one ear hole is bigger than the other, or curved differently, or something, so i cant really use the premade ones. One will fit and the other will be too loose.

I have to wear earplugs too—prone to ear infections. Plus eardrops after.

I'm such an effing mess. I spent all damn day in bed.

I was thinking of when Dr. T said "but you don't know me" or something like that. To be honest, I'm not sure he heard me. But I also told him that I felt love for him and he responded well to that.

Sessions right now are really hard. We're trying to get a treatment plan in place for the disability claim, so there's practical stuff to talk about. It feels like the regular work we were doing has stopped. And also my brain is a jumbled up mess of thoughts and emotions and I can barely string two words together so I end up sitting there in silence and it feels like our time is just ticking away.

Is there anyone you can talk to? A friend? Can you email your therapist?

He's changed his tune since then. I brought up the my caring about him thing at some point in the past year, and he was accepting of it, because we'd known each other for much longer. He just seems so...I don't even know that right word--avoidant? Boundaried? Like if I knew him x amount of time, caring is too much, but if I knew him y amount of time, it's OK. When, I think it's more about the carer vs. the caree.


I also found it odd that he was much more accepting of my sharing that I loved him the one time (maybe a year in), then the other time when I told him how I'd just had this "I love you" thought as I'd left the previous session. It seems like somehow love is more OK to him than caring? I dunno. He's kind of a weird one...

I'm sorry your work has seemed paused while working on the disability claim. And I can definitely understand the time limit looming large in your mind. But you do have a lot of time left, if you're seeing him 3-5 times a week. I wonder if it could help to come up with some sort of plan of what to work on? I'd also tell him about all those feelings.

thanks guys. I've never worn earplugs when I swim (been a swimmer my whole life pretty much) but I guess I"m gonna have to start. Weird. I do use drops after every time though, and those haven't done anything yet this time. It's now been 5.5 hours and the whole left side of my head still feels like it's stuffed with cotton and i can't hear in that ear. Hoping it clears up overnight or I guess I'll need to call the dr....

Just got misled on fb market place. The title said antique books, great said i love old books. It was set of catalogues for antique items. Why cant people label things correctly?

Hi. I think sometimes people don't know the correct labels or protocols. I hope you can find a reliable source for those wonderful old books.

I'll look into it Aloe is common here and if it's mostly tasteless like chia seeds, i could add it to cereal or something. I still have a carton of milk to finish. Wish supermarkets here offered taste tests of different non dairy milks haha!

My parents are fit as fiddles so all this is complicated by me feeling my body is betraying me and emotional stuff.

Searching the web brings up a lot of contradictions...eg apples are good, no, apples are bad.

Hugs, the Internet raised me, not my parents haha! For me it alternates, my bowels can't decide lol!

I could not stand aloe juice. More power to anyone who can. You're stronger than I. I do like chia seeds though.

I personally like almond milk, but I've heard oat milk is pretty good as well. Not tried it though.

I had aloe water once. It tasted like hand lotion.

Just watched the episode of “Community” where Britta announces she’s going to be a therapist and everyone looks horrified.

It is incredibly easy to make your own oat milk or nut milks. I use a cup of soaked nuts to 4 C of water and add a dash of salt and a date or two to sweeten and run it through a blender then strain. I never liked any of the store bought stuff but I do like the kind I make myself.

This eating healthier thing is great i feel better after a week of eating regular more healthy meals. Instead od eating a whole pack of biscuits (cookies) i am limiting myself to 1 or 2 for morning or afternoon tea and having fruit or nuts for the other snack. Also instead of snacking all day i am just having the 2 snack breaks. I also stopped taking my lithium and that fuzziness has gone from my head.