[emmaleemochizuki]

So today somehow the topic of CSA came up. I hardly ever get emotional in front of her but today my voice of breaking constantly. I didn't cry but I certainly felt like there were tears in my eyes and I was trying to keep it in the whole time.

It actually such a different feeling cos I have talked about it before but I was so numb, like I was talking about it but it didn't meant anything to me. Today was different, I can feel that I was starting to actually feel those same feelings I used to feel when I was a kid. and It hit me hard. those familiar helpless feelings that dreaded me day in day out and there was no where to escape. I guess in a way this is a good sign, and something is shifting.

In the past I managed everything with an eating disorder. I starved myself so I'll be numb and not feel anything at all. I guess now that I'm recovering from an eating disorder its scary to feel things so strongly, and actually facing them.

I don't know if she noticed how emotional I was, I guess it wasn't hard to tell. I think sometimes I still found it hard to hear from her how traumatic things were for me. She actually brought up this topic today when I was trying to defend my abusers and trying to say that they were nice people. I guess I just get in the habit of making excuses for other people, I guess its always easier to deal with something if you can find a reason why they did xyz.

[RoxanneToto]

I’d agree it’s a good thing - you have a chance to confront the feelings and work through them, though I appreciate it’s scary to go from numbness to strong emotions.
I’m sure your therapist would understand if you couldn’t hold your feelings in, even though it’s natural that you wanted to, it is very hard to let go and just lay it all bare.

[ArtieTheSequal]

i think it's a good thing too. just so you don't feel like the lone ranger getting emotional in front of t - yesterday i was a snotty-crying hot mess during my session.

[Omers]

I have found it helpful to accept that in my case my abusers were acting out of their own pain in a way that was toxic to me. It doesn’t diminish the abuse, my pain and it isn’t an excuse but it makes space for them to have had some good traits too.