Do you guys think you have the power to change your thoughts, your attitudes, your addictions in life?

If so.. why don't we change them? What does that mean for therapy if you believe this?

[ErinBear]

Hi Esthersvirtue,

I do believe we can change things in our lives. I also believe that change is difficult. The first thing is that we have to truly want to change, and often we resist it - we want to keep things the way they are. It can take a lot for people to come to the point where they will consider changing, and even then, big changes often don't happen in a punctiliar way. I think it tends to be a process, and we need to be patient with ourselves during that process. We live in an instant, "McDonald's" society which expects quick results. A lot of people, I think, lose patience when results aren't obtained immediately, and revert back to their old ways in frustration. It takes a lot of patience, resolve, fortitude, and support to keep working at it when somebody wants to make a big change. But I think it can be done, and people truly do make those kinds of changes successfully.

When we resist changes we are contemplating making in our lives, I think it is good fodder for therapy. Therapy can be a place to discuss why it is hard to make those changes - why we fear those changes - what sorts of risks are involved - what benefits are ahead for us if we make the change - what kinds of support we need to build in our lives to help make it possible - all sorts of things. When I lost 100 pounds a few years back, therapy was one of the elements which helped make it successful. To me, that was a big change. Being able to talk about it in a safe place was quite helpful. Having the support from my counselor was also really great during that process.

Other people may have other thoughts, but those are some of mine.

Take care,
ErinBear

[MissCharlotte]

I believe the power is intermingled with desire and buried under trauma.

So, yes the power is there, but I need T and my therapy to help me achieve the levels of healing I desire.

[ECHOES]

Because they are rooted in the unconscious so we keep going back and back and repeating.

The conscious knows that smoking cigarettes isn't a good healthy thing to do. But it's the unconscious that drives us to do what we do, overriding the conscious.

Therapy increases our awareness of what drives us and brings them into the conscious where they need to be so we can make new choices.

[Perna]

:agreement

Too, it all takes time. We don't develop problems immediately but from repetition and it takes understanding and repetition of different ways of thinking, being and acting to change them.

I dunno. I think that we have some power to influence them, yeah. But I think that that is something that we have to learn how to do, rather than something that is likely to happen if only we were harsher on ourself or pulled ourself together or picked ourself up by the bootstraps etc.

For example...

I don't think that we choose the thoughts that pop into our heads (they just occur). But there are things we can do to influence what thoughts are likely to pop into our heads. And there are things we can do once they are there (e.g., divert our attention to something else) etc.

I think that often we don't change things because we don't know how to change them.

I think that often we hold back from changing things because there is some function they are serving for us. We need to figure out alternative ways of meeting that function and then... Giving them up won't be so hard.

I think that often we don't change things because we are afraid that if it is 'that easy' then we are to blame for not having changed it well before now...

[Mouse_]

"Can one change oneself? I doubt it. Or if there is any change it must be measured in milionth part of a milimetre When the poor ghosts have gone, what remains are ordinary obligations and ordinary interests. One can live quitely and try to do tiny good things and harm no one. I cannot think of any tiny good thing to do at the moment, but perhaps I shall think of one tomorrow"

"The sea, The sea" Iris Murdoch.

[nowheretorun]

i think i have power to change myself and my surroundings... its a battle, and a learned experience... but if we dont believe we can change things we might as well throw in the towel... just my two cents.. i dont usually post in this forum and this is just what i think and heve seen to be true for myself...