Couch 220: Second To None!

atisketatasket · Oct 11, 2020 at 02:59 PM

The things that used to sting and hurt you don't anymore, or they have less power to do so. You can just keep sailing on.

Lemoncake · 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

Ok, Couch dreamers...I had a dream that I was flying, horizontal arms back by my side wind in my hair, which was pretty cool. Then I was getting pelted by something small and realized I was flying through a swarm of thousands and thousands of honeybees. They weren't trying to sting me, just flying across my path and running into me. Or I was flying across theirs, I suppose. No idea what that was about...any thoughts?

My take:

Keep going through whatever you're going through.There's small stuff that might get in the way and it has the potential to hurt (I've been stung by a wasp

) but to get past you've got to go forward.

From google:

"Bees are good dream symbols. They usually symbolize good luck and happiness. They are a sign of improvements in your life. ... Bees also symbolize diligence and hard work and a dream about bees could indicate the need to put in some effort in some project or endeavors soon"

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 11, 2020 at 03:56 PM

H's job at the college has been pushed back until March. That's when we'll probably run out of money

LonesomeTonight · Oct 11, 2020 at 03:57 PM

Ugh, I'm so sorry, Scarlet...can he get unemployment or anything in the meantime?

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 11, 2020 at 04:02 PM

He is on unemployment, but I don't think he's getting much anymore. Thankfully we're on deferred rent and only paying $750 a month. But this means I definitely have to reduce down to once a week with L come December

Lemoncake · Oct 11, 2020 at 04:05 PM

The dream I talked about last session with R went like this: It was christmas and he had his decorations up. Fire place kinda of glow, with red and gold tinsel with a christmas tree. His wife and daughter were there too but they were fuzzy- but I brought my brother and he's sitting on the table next to me with R and his wife.

But there's arguing going on in the background.

ICK factor:

Possible trigger:

In T's head he said this sounded a bit incestuous. That it was him and his wife and me and my brother.

I brought up the memory which i know is real that when I was a child my brother and I were told by an older cousin to undress and have sex with each other. We were little so did take our clothing off but nothing else happened, but I do still feel a lot of shame about that. I think he's full of nonsense and you couldn't get that from the dream above.

Lemoncake · Oct 11, 2020 at 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

He is on unemployment, but I don't think he's getting much anymore. Thankfully we're on deferred rent and only paying $750 a month. But this means I definitely have to reduce down to once a week with L come December

How much are your sessions with L? Could she possibly offer a reduced rate?

Are there other areas where you guys could cut back? Could you sell the new car? Is providing online tutoring possible?

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 11, 2020 at 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

How much are your sessions with L? Could she possibly offer a reduced rate?

Are there other areas where you guys could cut back? Could you sell the new car? Is providing online tutoring possible?

Sessions with L are $150 and that's already her sliding scale fee. She has said multiple times that she's willing to go lower. She said if it gets really bad, she'll go to $1. We are reducing down to once a week in December. I just told her in an email that it looks like compromising on fee is coming sooner than later. But I told her I don't like it and it makes me uncomfortable. She already replied that it's in her policies and ability to do a reduced rate. I don't know if that means I have to cut down even more with her

I am trying my best to reduce our spending. H already told me to stop paying the credit card bills. It's going to mess up our credit big time. I don't think selling our car is an option until we have nothing left. It sucks too because H finally likes a car. H is looking into other jobs. He's hoping for an online school somewhere here in the states.

ArtieTheSequal · Oct 11, 2020 at 04:49 PM

I miss remembering dreams, I feel like it's been quite awhile since I have, although in reality it probably hasn't been all that long. I'm just used to remembering them a lot more. It's been such a big part of my therapy up til now, working with my dreams and now it's not anymore. I'm rather grieving the loss of how therapy used to be, tbh. But I think that L and I both needed things to change. I know for sure that I did. Otherwise I'd never ever leave.

chihirochild · Oct 11, 2020 at 04:53 PM

I'm marinating in trauma stuff tonight. It doesn't feel good.

WarmFuzzySocks · Oct 11, 2020 at 05:08 PM

Lemon, that dream sounds more child-like to me. Holidays are family time. You're dealing with family stuff, and your brother is literally on the table. The wife and daughter might just be fuzzy because you don't know them the way you know t, they're not clear to you the way your t and your brother are.

unaluna · Oct 11, 2020 at 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

Attachment 11359

Best part...it has a pocket.

I swear i had a boyfriend with that shirt!

WarmFuzzySocks · Oct 11, 2020 at 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

My supermarket also started selling cricket falafels and cricket burgers.

There's this really rational logical part of me that understands that insect protein is an environmentally sound way to provide inexpensive protein in a world that is feeling population and food strain.

The rest of me says

LonesomeTonight · Oct 11, 2020 at 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Sessions with L are $150 and that's already her sliding scale fee. She has said multiple times that she's willing to go lower. She said if it gets really bad, she'll go to $1. We are reducing down to once a week in December. I just told her in an email that it looks like compromising on fee is coming sooner than later. But I told her I don't like it and it makes me uncomfortable. She already replied that it's in her policies and ability to do a reduced rate. I don't know if that means I have to cut down even more with her

I am trying my best to reduce our spending. H already told me to stop paying the credit card bills. It's going to mess up our credit big time. I don't think selling our car is an option until we have nothing left. It sucks too because H finally likes a car. H is looking into other jobs. He's hoping for an online school somewhere here in the states.

I would accept her reduced rate, however lower she is willing to go. She wouldn't offer it if she wasn't comfortable with it. I've negotiated a bit down with my T multiple times. He said he had one client who was in a really bad financial place where he only charged him $5 per session for a few months (his regular rate is $175).

Is your H also reducing his spending?

ScarletPimpernel · Oct 11, 2020 at 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I would accept her reduced rate, however lower she is willing to go. She wouldn't offer it if she wasn't comfortable with it. I've negotiated a bit down with my T multiple times. He said he had one client who was in a really bad financial place where he only charged him $5 per session for a few months (his regular rate is $175).

Is your H also reducing his spending?

No, not really. He still goes out for Starbucks twice a day, sometimes goes out for breakfast, often goes out to dinner, and even sometimes ice cream. He just spent $2k on his car, but promises that's the last big purchase. With dinners, I told him to keep it below $5 and if it's more, only eat half and save half for the next night.

We are still waiting for hos unemployment back-pay, and his music label will pay him in January.

He just really needs a job...like now. If I'm sacrificing my therapy with L, he needs to make some sacrifices too. Even my dad is making sacrifices. He still doesn't pay us enough rent and lost a ton of our money in stocks, but we no longer get him coffee or food. He pays for his own now.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 11, 2020 at 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

Lemon, that dream sounds more child-like to me. Holidays are family time. You're dealing with family stuff, and your brother is literally on the table. The wife and daughter might just be fuzzy because you don't know them the way you know t, they're not clear to you the way your t and your brother are.

I agree with this. I don't see your T's interpretation at all, Lemon, and can understand why it upset you.

LonesomeTonight · Oct 11, 2020 at 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

No, not really. He still goes out for Starbucks twice a day, sometimes goes out for breakfast, often goes out to dinner, and even sometimes ice cream. He just spent $2k on his car, but promises that's the last big purchase. With dinners, I told him to keep it below $5 and if it's more, only eat half and save half for the next night.

We are still waiting for hos unemployment back-pay, and his music label will pay him in January.

He just really needs a job...like now. If I'm sacrificing my therapy with L, he needs to make some sacrifices too. Even my dad is making sacrifices. He still doesn't pay us enough rent and lost a ton of our money in stocks, but we no longer get him coffee or food. He pays for his own now.

I feel like if he's asking you to reduce therapy, he should give up Starbucks, or at least only go a couple times a week (I know from past personal experience how quickly Starbucks can add up...). I don't understand why it seem OK for him to spend money (and $2,000 is a lot!) but for you to have to cut back so much...

NP_Complete · Oct 11, 2020 at 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I don't understand why it seem OK for him to spend money (and $2,000 is a lot!) but for you to have to cut back so much...

Because he's selfish and it seems like he views it as his money, not their money.

unaluna · Oct 11, 2020 at 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Because he's selfish and it seems like he views it as his money, not their money.

I think he inherited it, so in their state, its legally his money, not community property.

NP_Complete · Oct 11, 2020 at 10:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think he inherited it, so in their state, its legally his money, not community property.

I get that, but we're not talking about legality here. They're married. It should be their money. She should have some say in how their finances are handled. It is 2020 after all, not 1820. Maybe I'm reading more into the situation, but this seems like a way to control her and that would be financial abuse.

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Couch 220: Second To None!

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atisketatasket Child of a lesser god Member Since Jun 2015 Location: Tartarus Posts: 19,277 (SuperPoster!) 9 12.4k hugs given	Oct 11, 2020 at 02:59 PM #121 The things that used to sting and hurt you don't anymore, or they have less power to do so. You can just keep sailing on.

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,646 (SuperPoster!) 10 7,047 hugs given	Oct 11, 2020 at 03:56 PM #123 H's job at the college has been pushed back until March. That's when we'll probably run out of money __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica

LonesomeTonight Always in This Twilight Member Since Feb 2015 Location: US Posts: 21,516 (SuperPoster!) 9 75.9k hugs given	Oct 11, 2020 at 03:57 PM #124 Ugh, I'm so sorry, Scarlet...can he get unemployment or anything in the meantime?

ScarletPimpernel Wise Elder Member Since Nov 2013 Location: US Posts: 8,646 (SuperPoster!) 10 7,047 hugs given	Oct 11, 2020 at 04:02 PM #125 He is on unemployment, but I don't think he's getting much anymore. Thankfully we're on deferred rent and only paying $750 a month. But this means I definitely have to reduce down to once a week with L come December __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica

chihirochild Magnate Member Since Feb 2017 Location: North America Posts: 2,361 7 4,865 hugs given	Oct 11, 2020 at 04:53 PM #130 I'm marinating in trauma stuff tonight. It doesn't feel good.