[MissCharlotte]

I have decided to return to therapy despite this current rupture with T.

I am scared.

I called him this morning. When the phone rang he picked up and said he was just about to call me. I said that I figured out that the only way to sort this out was together. And he said, "exactly."

I had conversations with several of you over the past few days about my reactions and many of you encouraged me to not run away. But I never felt like I was running away--just regrouping or protecting myself. It really felt like I was protecting myself. Now I understand that on the continuum of trauma response I was enacting the "freeze" response. (You know, "fight, flight or freeze.") So if I were running away I would have been in the flight response. Me, I tend to turn to stone.

"Freeze" was the way i most often responded to my abuse as a child because the other two responses were not available to such a young child. Ohhhh that makes me sad but I am now relieved that I can understand my response to the re-enactment. Hopefully T and I can work through this rupture.

Damn! Therapy is beyond hard and I am an emotional basket case right now.


PS I hope Pinksoil has not been put in timeout for cursing. I really don't mind if she curses in response to my posts because she has such great insight. Also, the curses don't show up as curses--only as random symbols that are impossible to decipher!

[Mouse_]

Good for you sister!

[sunrise]

(((((sister)))))

I am glad you are going back to try to sort it out. You are brave.

[lauren_helene]

You are very brave...much more so than me.

Good for you!

[selfy]

MOM I LOVE YOU
so happy u decided to go back hon.
u been doing good
HUGGLES

i can listen to u rant anytime ok?

dot

take care meluv

((((Sister)))))
I'm glad you are going back. Let us know how it goes!

[confused4ever]

(((((((((((((((sister))))))))))))))

So glad you decided to go back! Good Luck, and let us know how it goes.

I'm still here. For now. You are on your way right now. I wish you luck.

Why do I sound so formal and mature?? lol

I guess I'm trying not to be myself so I don't get in trouble. lol

You are going to repair this. You and him together. Your relationship was strong enough before and the strength will put you back together properly. Strength does not disappear during ruptures. It is still there.

XOXOXOXOXOX

go sister! we chickens have to stick together.... if i can manage to re-group after this conboobulation i am SURE you can!

[sunrise]

Good luck, sister!!!



(I'm on my way to therapy right now too.)