Why am i afraid?

well as many of you may know, i am 19 years old. here in UK you can legally drive a car at the age of 17 (not sure what the age limit is in the US) well i started to learn to drive then and absolutelt hated it. i used to dread every single lesson and my instructors werent nice people either. i began to improve alot but suffered from bad nerves...id be ok until someone else on the road would do something stupid because i was a learner and then i would get really panicky and have to stop and calm down.

well i was with one driving instructor and she was confident in me and told me to book my driving test, so knowing she had faith in me i did. 3 weeks before my exam she told me she was leaving, and that was our last lesson. so for 3 weeks leading up to my exam i had no instructor and couldnt manage to book anyone else because they werent interested in taking someone on for such a short period.

i eventually managed to get someone but for just 2 hours on the same day of my exam. so for 3 weeks i hadnt sat behind a wheel, and the only practice i had was 2 hours ont he day of the test.

its pretty predictable the fact that i failed, badly.

i stopped learning then and lost any enthusiasm i had. that was nearly 2 years ago. well i still dont drive and i just cant bring myself round to booking lessons again. my theory test runs out in february 2007 as it only lasts 2 years, so i need to do it soon really. i do need to drive but i really dont want to.

something about driving frightens me. but i dont know what it is. nobody in my life understands why i feel this way and i am being pressured into learning again. i want to pass and be more independent, and i look forward to being able to get in my car and go for a drive, and be able to get out of the house and go for a drive when im upset. but i just dont want to learn. i have decided to go for an intense course which is 5 days of learning, each day driving for 5 hours with a test at the end of the week.

i know its not a huge problem compared to most things in life, and i would class myself as pretty strong, but i just cant bring myself round to booking these tests, and they cost £400 (english punds) which is about 800-900 dollars i think. it seems alot of money to spend on something i am sure i will fail. how can i be confident when feeling this way.

i do need to drive because i want a new job and in order to get a new job i need to be able to be more mobile.

anyone got any helpful advice? like i said, i know its not the worlds biggest problem, but i need to conquer it once and for all and get it over and done with!

speak soon

simon

Do you think that maybe for you driving signifies a lot more. To you it might mean taking control and although you want to, you don't feel ready to do that and you are afraid of taking control? Maybe this test is so much more for you, and I think if you are able to just go again, even if aou fail, it might help you to move on. Small steps Simon... this is just another step. If it helps, I failed the first time too...

To drive a vehicle Simon takes confidence and the only way to get confidence is by driving...when I first started driving I think I barfed my guts out about 3 or 4 times before I finally felt somewhat comfortable...what had me terrified was that getting behind the wheel puts you, your passengers and the other people on the road at risk...my hardest thing was not looking down at the speedometer because as soon as I did I lost concentration on the road (BAD)...so what I did was followed the flow of traffic...another thing that got me nervous was getting in the way of other drivers who seemed to be in a hurry...I handled that by realizing that I have control of the vehicle and road...everything around me is my responsibility...that includes dumbasses who want to speed...I remember the first time someone behind me was in a hurry, I quickly pulled out of the way and let him pass (BAD)...I realized that I had control of my vehicle and theirs and I was doing the speed limit...so I was the responsible one...you must realize Simon that YOU as a driver are responsible for the safty of all others on the road including pedistrians...my advice to you would be to take your vehicle out to a dirt road and get to know the feel of the car...what happens when you brake or accellerate...turning and especially reverse...when I was taught to drive I was told to practice driving in reverse...give yourself alot of time for learning my friend...even drivers who drive for a living should never take getting behind the wheel of vehicle lightly...good luck and happy motoring...

By the way Simon being afraid is a good thing to an extent...a little fear keeps you alert...its when you get so comfortable that you do stupid things like speeding and tailgating...two of the worst things anyone could do...as long as you obey the traffic laws and be considerate of other drivers, driving can be a very good thing...and one other thing...I am very impressed with how many lessons you are taking...that...my friend is the sign of a very responsible driver...about the only thing is that jumping in your vehicle and going for a drive when your upset is not a good idea...

Simon, I think your fears are common ones. I think maybe those around you forget how nerve racking it was to learn and get our licenses. I know when I first started driving my palms would sweat terribly. The day I took my driving test with the state trooper in the passenger seat I surely thought he could hear my heart pounding. I actually wish I could have tossed my cookies or fainted so I didn't have to go. I was sure I would fail. I didn't. However, there is always a percentage that do...one failed test isn't an abomination. I think the way you have it set up for the five hours at a time, that would work for me...kind of like ripping the bandaid off. And yes, if you can get out to a dirt road, or parking lot on an early morning and practice that would be great. Instructors here actually encourage that. Best of luck. You can do this. You are two years older, two years wiser, and two years more aware. Seventeen to Nineteen is a huge difference in levels of maturity, awareness, and readiness. I have every confidence you can do it. You just need to tell yourself you can, and allow yourself to let go of the past. hugs, Lisa

It's a very important problem, Simon, huge to you! I found it very scary learning to drive too. My father was my first teacher only he'd drive me the couple of blocks through our very quiet, safe neighborhood to the high school and then have me drive around the parking lot then drive me home; not much real world driving! My stepmother, on the other hand, the first time she took me on a practice drive she took me out on the multi-lane highway and busy little, narrow, country roads! I was scared to death going from a parking lot to such conditions!

Practice is a big help but here in the US we use to have school classes in driving and there would be 3-4 other kids our age in the car with us and the teacher, and we'd each get a turn during our classtime. It's nice to have others in the same boat -- anyway you can find or arrange for a "group" or second person to learn with you?

Or maybe you could get a counselor in addition to an instructor for the period you're learning to drive and work with them while you're learning to help with the anxiety some?

not a driver myself so don't have any advice just a comment to not knowing how old her in the US the age for driving - a teen here aged 16 can get a permit and license to drive here in the US.

simon find a good driving instrucer im now 40 i only passed my test about 4year ago if i can do it im sure you can too, i failed my first test and stopped my theroy test ran out i left it for awhile then decided to try again, i went back to the same driving instructer, and managed to pass my theroy on the second try and passed my test on my forth try, i used an over the counter calmer, from the chemist it came in liquid form and you can either add it to water and drink it or use the dropper and drop some drops on your tounge, also you could go to the gp and ask for something to take the edge of while you are learning,
i have foungd that learning to drive was the best thing ever i dont have to rely on other people, being in the south west taxis and buses became expensive,
my brother in law is only 22 and he took several atempts at his test and we think he might be adhd,
good luck

thanks for the advice and kind words everyone. i will do it soon, and i think it was harder for me back then due to many things, such as...

around that time was when i had JUST come out of severe depression and i was still going through bad times mentally. i had only just started seeing a councillor so i hadnt properly worked on myself and my problems, so to add another one to the equation made in intensely hard. to have to sit behind a wheel and hold that responsibilty at that age and have so many bad thoughts and feelings was too much for me to handle.

and as you said, i have matured a little since then, and i have worked on myself a lot since then too so most of my issues are now gone.

im sure my fear of driving is because i keep thinking that when i get behind that whell things will seem so hard as they did before, and i dont know what its like to drive with a "clear" head so that in itself scares me.

i have gained confidence since then too, back then i had just started my new job and i was a nervous wreck! i would hardly speak to anyone and was constantly near the point of crying. so its no wonder i found learning so hard. my whole personality has changed since, and i have gained so much inner strength since and so im sure i will do really well this time around. i just decided to start driving at a bad time then i think.

well now i have you guys to talk to if i do get scared of it, i think i will book the lessons up at the weekend and start looking for a car to get to practise in. the sooner i get it over and done with the better.

what i meant when i said i am looking forward to going out for a drive when im upset is that when i get upset and down here i just wish i could get in a car and drive for a short while. i sometimes find that if im unhappy and i get in a car (as a passenger) i can calm down and relax abit. just because i feel safe (as a passenger again, might be different as a driver) and that i am inside my own little space and even though there is someone sat next to me i feel enclosed in a safe haven and with music on the radio i feel relaxed and thats what i want for after i pass. just the feeling that when i close my car door i am in my own little world and i can go where i want for as long as i want and dont have to rely on anyone to drive me home.

well i will definately book lessons on the weekend and will keep you guys updated. thanks again for the advice.

simon

If you had the courage to face your brother then you can do this Simon! I know you can, you don't sound like the type that lies down for life's beatings!